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Feedback from a junior teammate?
Maybe you’re not coddling enough. (Sarcasm)
You could ask them to give a specific example. Otherwise, I suspect that’s on them, not you.
Think about how quickly you talked. If you are a fast talker you communicate frustration.
I don’t know what language you are speaking. If it is a romance language, then think about cadence. Are you talking with a monotone ? Are you on auto pilot when talking ?
Are you mansplaining?
This happened to me too. I started checking in after I explain something: “Was that clear?” or “Want to walk through it together?” It softens the delivery without changing much.
I would:
1. Welcome the feedback - you can only ever control your actions and not those of others, so focus on how you handle it.
2. Ask them for examples that bothered them and ask them for an example of how they would prefer to be communicated to.
3. Digest the feedback and make a decision over whether you do need to make a proactive change or rather it’s a development moment for them.
If you decide that it’s something they need to address themselves, talk to them about it. Make sure they understand why you communicate the way you do and why it’s important for them to adapt to it. Show empathy and coach them.
Mentor
Perfect opportunity to layer that junior teammate.
Def worth exploring. Best case: you’re right that they’re projecting and you work on communicating in ways that work for both of you. Best case: they’re right about your tone and you learn some stuff about yourself and grow like a beautiful butterfly. Worst case — this is just an annoying lil situation for you.