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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. My husband and I have two kids and we started a little bit older than you are now. If you haven’t already, I would definitely go see a fertility specialist and just get checked out. It is so discouraging, and so painful, but it’ll be worthwhile when you finally hold your baby. Also (assuming you’re at a healthy weight), gaining a few lbs and reducing stress sometimes helps. Your body won’t want to share if there is scarcity or strain.
hopefully it’s ok for me to post here. On another note, seeing the sadness in my sweet husband’s eyes is killing me. So many around me are having kids and I just feel broken. Any words are appreciated. Thanks
So very sorry for your loss. At my firm (big law), you can get bereavement leave for the loss of a pregnancy. It could be worth checking your benefits package for something similar. You deserve the space to grieve and process this. Sending you warm thoughts.
After my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage I was shocked to learn 25% end that way. It’s so common. It doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking, but knowing that it’s something so common makes it less…personal, I guess?
That was January 2020. We kept trying and were discouraged but ended up pregnant again in Sept 2021, and I’m the mom of an incredible 3 year old girl now. Had her at 40. Please don’t think it’s over!
Sending you lots of love and support - these journeys are hard and hard to talk about and it takes a lot of love and courage to try and to be open. You and your family will find a way to grow. Wishing you so much peace and strength. Had my first at 34 - there is definitely time.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
There is hope on the other side (36 years old and 38 weeks pregnant after 2 years of trying and multiple losses), but please try to give yourself grace and time to heal. I took 5 days off work for my last miscarriage and would highly recommend taking some time off if you can. Sharing with a few people at work who are close to me was also helpful— loss is so isolating and hard and having a few people’s understanding and support really made a difference. Whatever you do, try to lean on the people who love you and go easy on yourself 💕
PS The Fertility bowl is also a great resource
I’ve been there but at starting at 37. First baby at 38 and pregnant with my second now at 40. You have time to do everything you need to do to work through this emotionally and physically. On the job front, I always remind myself that careers are long when I’m not able to do my best.
I am so sorry for your loss. I had two chemical pregnancies (early miscarriages) when I was 30 and 31. Finally saw a doctor at 32. Turns out I had undiagnosed PCOS and endometriosis. Worked closely with the doctor, did red light therapy, seed cycling for hormonal balance, took all sorts of supplements and got pregnant again. Had my baby last July. He was very healthy but born a month early and I ended up with postpartum preeclampsia. Struggling with infertility can feel lonely but know that there are so many people going through the same thing… they are just silent about it. However once you start talking about it you’ll realize how much support is out there. Don’t give up hope!
I started seeing a fertility specialist but ended up going back to my obgyn for sharp pains that turned out to be a cyst (leading to my PCOS diagnosis). I worked with my obgyn for the rest of the time. I actually didn’t like the fertility specialist because she was so quick to diagnose me with “unexplained infertility” and immediately recommended IVF. I’m sure not all of them are like that but it rubbed me the wrong way that she didn’t even try to find out what was wrong.
This hust came across my IG feed. Thought it might be worth a quick share.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DFbQ5CYxuEZ/?igsh=MWZnYmwyYzlzdDRrbw==
You are not broken! Virtual hug — but if not a hugger then virtual presence. know it is hard especially since once one starts trying all one sees is other people getting pregnant. You and your husband should take some time to grieve your loss. I had to go to therapy to work through my feelings. I’ve been there and now I’m on mat leave with my sweet 4 month old son! I’ll be 35 this year.
I had unexplained fertility at around the same age, two rounds of IUI, got pregnant and had my first. A couple years later conceived naturally, miscarried around 6-8 weeks. A few months after that, got pregnant and had my second. It’s so hard when you’re in the thick of it but there’s hope. I understand if you’re not comfortable sharing with your coworkers but you’d be surprised how many people around you are going/have gone through the same thing. I had friends who were very open with me, which made it much easier to share and bear through it. I am now very open and try to pass along my experience and support. Not feeling alone was a major help.
I also miscarried my first pregnancy at 10 weeks. I’m a year older than you so I feel you on feeling stressed about age. I am pregnant again and hoping for the best (but expecting the worst) and I just want to say that being depressed is normal. It is depressing. Getting a future snuffed out is just so devastating and everything else seems to stop mattering. Go easy on yourself. We’re so used to grinding ourselves to dust that when we give something less than 150% it feels like failure but…you can dial it back and it will not matter as much as you fear. If it’s possible to share with someone you trust, you should.
Hope is hard. The thought if it made me recoil at first - how can I be hopeful when I got so burned last time? Seeing stories of other women go through this - more times than me - and continuing to try and be strong has been incredibly inspiring to me. Reaching out to your community here is a great place to start.
Rooting for you OP, and happy to chat more if you want to DM.
thank you! These words were very helpful. Wishing you a very health pregnancy !! 💕
So sorry for your loss. I hate that the norm within society sets us up to grieve losses this way. Wishing you peace in your recovery and strength as you move forward
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Take some time to grieve but don’t lose hope. There are a lot of fertility problems that can be resolved. Could be hormones, stress, etc. and most can be tackled with some lifestyle changes and meds. 33 is still a good age, that’s when I started trying and still had time. It’s a very sad situation to experience so allow yourself to feel sad but don’t let yourself believe that you won’t have kids or don’t have time.
Thanks everyone. Each of your responses was really appreciated.