My mother in law is dying of cancer but is also a toxic person. My husband has mixed feelings around letting her dump all of her emotions that should be handled with a therapist on him. Beyond this,

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I went through this with my own mother. She was severely depressed and highly unstable, narcissistic and emotionally abusive - The last three things I didn’t see until my then new bf and therapist helped me understand them. When she got diagnosed with late stage cancer all of that got even worse.

I chose to take care of her, moved her in with me and took care of all hospital responsibilities. I’m not going to lie, it was extremely difficult for me for those 18 months and also for a while after her passing away. Luckily my stepfather, my bf, my friends and my therapist (so important!) were there for me.

I don’t regret my choice at all. This is because even though she was extremely difficult, I never viewed her as a bad person. I know what kind of trauma she had gone through earlier in her life to make her the way she was. Not trying to excuse her because I really wish she had been different, but I do have very deep love and sympathy for her. Also, she took care of my late father for years before he died (though my father was much easier emotionally), and her devotion to him had always been an inspiration to me. So I wanted to let her know that she had the same devotion from me.

Not sure if others should do what I did, every family is different. Just sharing my story.

Therapies were super helpful to me. I highly recommend it if he can find a good therapist.

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She is incredibly toxic. Nothing but negative energy and misery and making my husband feel bad about his existence. She was like this before her cancer diagnosis. Now it’s a lot worse because of the complication of impending death.

He has thought about severing ties with her completely even before her cancer diagnosis but feels it’s more complicated now that she’s sick. Has anyone gone through this - having an incredibly toxic but also sick parent / in law? How have you managed? Any words of wisdom would be sincerely appreciated.

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