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Yes! My husband and I went through this. We’re both already awkward around the topic of sex having grown up in very religious households. We had to have an uncomfortable conversation about how long it’d been since we had been intimate and how awkward we are in general. The frequency picked back up after that. We’re still awkward because that’s who we are, but no longer in a rut and slightly less awkward than we initially were.
Maybe you should change the strategy from just talking about it. Talking at home environment might feel forced and not natural, etc..Try to find activities that relaxes you both and you both would enjoy doing ? I think being relaxed and enjoying the moment, but also something that would tickle the sexiness in each other. Maybe some date nights to go out just two of you , go dancing ( maybe something sensual, something that involves touching or admiring each other in some ways…). Maybe couple’s therapy to address the stigma beliefs around being sexual and getting to know each other’s sexual drives etc. Try to break those stigmas and open up the path to happiness.
My husband and I were in a rut that wasn’t really discussed extensively. I think you are doing the right thing being open about it. Has it changed significantly over time? Personally for me, it was more difficult after we had our son. I realized being sleep deprived and on birth control were 2 big barriers for me. Getting off birth control significantly increased my sex drive. Worth looking into external factors outside your relationship that might be impacting.
Yes...married bisexual woman with cis male partner here. I am convinced that just...trying...is so powerful to renew the emotional connection that comes from sex. And being so kind to each other around all of the awkwardness of not having much sex for a year or so due to new baby and starting a family business and postpartum issues.
100% this! 🙂
I wish my mother, sister, or a friend had shown me https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/ss/slideshow-sex-drive-changes-age (see the section “Women: 30s and Early 40s”).
Instead of forcing awkward sex, try starting with getting to know each other again. Talk, laugh, become friends again. Sit on the couch holding each other while reading or watching a movie. Go for a walk and hold hands. Build that yearning you once had. The rest will evolve naturally.
We were in a long rut due to a lot of internal and external factors. It took a couple of deep and raw conversations to discuss what made us unhappy, why we weren’t being intimate, and what we needed from one another. So communication has helped us a lot but also this couples’ sex/intimacy game. It’s a deck of cards that tells you what to do to your partner and you take turns. You can ease into it with cards that say to juts give a foot rub onto the full sexy cards like give your partner oral sex. It helped us reestablish intimacy and made it fun again. You know, like it was before kids and big responsibilities.
Lol! No problem at all. You’ll hopefully find something that works for you guys.
Initially, I was very turned off by the idea as well but my husband suggested it and took the initiative so I wanted to do my part as well. I figured it wouldn’t hurt to just try it out since we clearly weren’t doing a good job on our own. I still don’t love the idea of using the cards but it really helped us get out of that really rough patch. We’re in a much better place now as a result of many changes we’ve made and effort we’ve put into it. We have sex now and enjoy it and we’re playful with each other throughout the day. And for the most part, we don’t use the card game to get us there.
Whatever ends up working for you guys, I wish you all the best. I’d love to say it will all just magically get better but we all know that’s not how it works.
Mine was stress related. I noticed it picks up drastically on vacation, days off, or in another setting like hotel. We both work from home and are just tired and not interested some days.