My boyfriend of 3.5 years made a comment last night that I’ve gained weight and used the words “you’re on the borderline of what I would consider attractive” he’s apologized since and says he didn’t meant it but he also made the comment two years ago and admitted he thought I’d lose weight instead of gain. I’m 20 lbs heavier than when we first met. We go tot eh gym together everyday and he sees I’m actively trying, am I right to be mad about this?

Efff that. Like you’re going to gain and lose weight through the course of your life. Age, babies, stress will all cause these. Your partner should love and motivate you. Not make you feel poorly or unattractive. It’s not like you’re obese or at a point where your weight messes with your health. We should be with people that used uplift each other and bring each other love and joy. Don’t settle for any less.

Hard pass. I’ve been with my husband for 17 years and trust me, there are a lot of unattractive, non-sexy moments down the road, especially if you decide to have kids. 20 lbs is nothing compared to some of the stuff that happens.

Get out. I’ve been married for 17 years and my weight has fluctuated by 70 pounds higher than when I met my husband (and I’m not counting. My pregnancy weight gain) My husband has loved me fat, thin and everything in between. He tells me I am beautiful, he tells me how smart he thinks I am, he still surprises me with flowers.

This guy is no bueno.

Also, I’ve ended a 5 year relationship and a 2 year relationship, 3.5 years is nothing. If you decided to leave him, something tells me the underlying cause wouldn’t have been just those comments.

You need to do right by yourself and be with the right person, whether it’s this guy or someone else.

Sorry I know it’s hard but dump him. No hesitation, dump him. Our bodies don’t stay the same. They aren’t meant to. And 20 lbs is so insignificant, for him to make a comment like that it shows how shallow and inconsiderate he is. It does nothing but make you feel bad and sets an expectation you have to comply with his needs. This is a terrible precedent. I’ve been married 16 years and gone up and down 50 lbs and my husband never once told me I was anything but perfect and beautiful. Did he always feel that way? Probably not. Would it be ok for me to tell me that? No. It doesn’t help in any way to body shame a partner. You work out with them, help them be healthy and happy. Be with someone who makes you feel good, always.

He also knows I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and body image issues. I don’t want to end a long relationship because of this but I don’t know how to be intimate with him again after he made those comments

Nah. That is a VERY unkind comment. You go to the gym every single day with your bf. he sees you trying and still makes that kind of comments. What’s the point of apologizing after saying hurtful things like that? As long as you feel happy about how you look and your weight doesn’t harm your health, I say love yourself.

You’re 100% right to bed mad and I’d leave him! Learn from my lessons! I think being healthy and taking care of yourself is important but just being skinny is not the most important thing. I made excuses for a guy who regularly “off handedly” commented on my weight. I worked out and dieted for him. Got pregnant and he had multiple affairs, reasoning - because I was fat! Guess what, you have to gain weight to grow a healthy human baby! We’re divorced because he’s a dick, but I realized that too late and now have the unfortunate experience of sharing a baby with him. Point being, think about your life priorities and his and if they really align and if you want to live like this forever…. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that we deserve good, think about how you’d feel if a guy said something like that to your daughter, mom, best friend

Make a comment about the size of his dick, see if he appreciates it!

You don’t deserve to be treated like that! You deserve better!

As long as you’re trying to exercise and eat healthy then no that’s not an appropriate comment.

LEAVE HIM NOW!!!! Red flags 🚩 🚨

This guy thinks you are borderline…I’d consider dumping him. I would then plan to spend the next 6 months working on my self-esteem and improving my mental and physical health. Go and get fine as hell and mentally fit for you…something tells me you won’t be able to recognize your value with his crappy energy hanging around.

dump him

I would ask him what is he going to do when you get pregnant and get fat. And for the 2 years after by the time you lose pregnancy eight, if ever.

If you were to take his words at face value ... what does that mean to you in regards to your relationship? Is this the person you want to stay committed to? Can you trust him to love you and treat you like a Queen even if your 10 pounds heavier and out of his attractive scale range? Will he be faithful? BE MAD but direct it towards a better outcome for you versus sweeping this under the proverbial rug.

My ex started cheating on me when I was pregnant and gained 60 lb. His excuse was 'you were not the woman I married anymore." It did not feel good.

Please save yourself some pain and either leave or make sure he understands his comment was not appropriate.

You’re going to spend the rest of your relationship insecure and god knows what he’ll end up doing on his own.. probably better to part ways, have your glow-up moment and find someone new

I think men say stupid stuff all the time but what he said was rude and insensitive. This didn’t happen just once but twice. I’m sure you told him the first time that what he said hurt your feelings and made you feel insecure and he made a similar comment again? I would talk to him about it and see what he says but if he truly understood how much it hurt the first time I would think he’d be more considerate now. I think its okay to gain weight if you’re healthy and staying active, which it sounds like you are. Don’t stay with anyone who makes you feel any less than the amazing, beautiful person that you are!!

Boy, bye. 🤣

I was with an ex for way too long who at the end of 10 years said he never really found me that attractive. 🙄

Learn from my (and other’s here) mistakes and dump him.

For reference, I was 22 and 165ish when we broke up. He just hated that I could never seem to get weight off my midsection.

Hubby now is very kind and is with me through all the ups, downs, thick, thin. Get you someone like that. Someone who appreciates who you are as a person and not the number on a scale.

Dump him! You are beautiful and worthy of unconditional love.

Listen, I've been married for a long time. One thing I've learned is that the "little" annoyances that I noticed when we were dating, became amplified over the time we were married, especially during the stressful times, like having babies and both of us in public accounting. If he's being insensitive now - it'll be worse when you settle in for the long haul. If that's the comment he makes to you when you're going to the gym every day - is that the man you want by your side when you're tired or sick or pregnant? I don't know if you want kids or not...but is he the type of guy that will celebrate the changes in your body growing life, or comment on every pound and every stretch mark? Kids or not - is he the guy you want by your side when you turn 50 and nothing looks like it used to? 3.5 years sounds like you've put up with his crap too long already.