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How close are you and your cousin? You need to figure out if she genuinely had invited and the invitation got lost or if she just wanted y'all to replace empty seats after others have declined.
Just curious, this is your cousin. She told you she's planning a wedding and you never followed up at any point to see if you could help her with anything in the past 2-3 months? That way y'all could have figured it out earlier that the invite never arrived.
Is the wedding in-state or out of state?
If within a driving distance, you have the finances, and you can get the time off, then I'd attend if I were you. Again after confirming that I'm not just an afterthought.
On the flip side, how is she's just looking at the RSVPs only a week before the wedding? These are things you confirm a month prior to plan for seating and catering, etc. And she didn't deem it fit to reach out earlier? Who still uses mail only invites? There's a reason why digital is more convenient. Anyways, personally, I'll put my best effort to attend. Weddings are tedious to plan and things slip through. Just to give her the benefit of the doubt and maintain good relationship, I'll try to attend if it's close enough. It's a one-time thing (usually). However, I'm not coughing up thousands of dollar to go out of state or destination in less than a week though.
Bottomline: if in all honesty you can attend, the do. If you can't due to scheduling, financing, other commitments, then you're guiltless in not attending.
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Give up the guilt. It's on her. Could it have gone down better?, Absolutely! My guess is as her babysitter you were a bigger deal to her, than she was to you. If you can't go, write her a personalized note in a card and send it.
Next time anyone asks if you will attend an event, ask where and when before you say yes.
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Yeah I just came to conclusion with it all. It’s not the way I would have went about it but that’s okay because she’s not me.
I said I’d be honored to go but yeah you’re right I guess that means yes. I should have asked more questions. Definitely a learning lesson.
I bought an item from her registry and sent her a note.
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Mind you I never got an invite…
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If you can make it go. If you can't, then you can't and you send her a gift. Really those are the two options.
Probably marked you in some spread sheet as coming and never really looked. Most brides start 30 days out trying to verify a response for every invitation, but in her mind you were a yes. Now she needs a real head count to pay the caterer.
Not your job, but surprised when talking to your mom/sibling ( assuming you do/ can) you didn't query if they had any idea when cousin Mable was getting married?. When she asked for your address, did you not ask when the wedding was? Did you give it over the phone or in an email. Possible she wrote if down wrong. If she printed return addresses on the back of the envelop it could also be in some loop from hell in the post office. But the why you didn't get one is irrelevant to whether you can attend.
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No one in my immediate family was invited so no one to talk to about it.
I didn’t ask when it was as I figured I’d get something in the mail saying so.
I’m not super close with this cousin. We did grow up together but we’re not call on the phone type cousins. I babysat her tbh.
I gave her my info over Facebook messenger. I guess I never followed up about helping her but I did say I’m also planning a wedding so let me know if there’s anything on my end I can advise or help on. But she didn’t really say anything.
The wedding is in the Midwest (away from all family) and I’m in the southwest. It’s a 24 hour drive.
I was verklempt. I guess I didn’t expect her wedding to be so soon but I never asked what the day would be. I’m pretty organized but only towards my own life I guess I don’t want to dictate how someone should plan their wedding or anything like that.
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So since I didn’t get an invite (nor a save the date) I didn’t know she had a website. But she sent me it today as she was asking if I’d be attending. I felt so bad to say no…
But come on…doing final head count a week out???
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I’m assuming I was more of an afterthought. I sent her well wishes forever ago when she got engaged last year.
I don’t have Facebook anymore so I don’t know exactly when she got engaged. But it was a long time ago. (Some time in 2024)
Someone said since I babysat her maybe it meant more to her than it did to me but if it did why wouldn’t I be on the first wave of invites? If that’s the case and not invited a few months before?
She needed to know if I was coming for her caterer confirmation for Friday.
Again it’s not a big deal and I understand I was overthinking it. It just is what it is at this point.
I told her I couldn’t go and sent her something from her registry.
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This was actually the first time we spoke in like 10 years.
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Minus me congratulating her on her engagement.