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I’ll actually go the opposite way of A1. I understand that perspective but in my opinion you children are only young once. I have 4 children and will lay with them whenever they want me to. Eventually they grow up and don’t want daddy cuddles anymore. There is nothing that I need to do in my house that is more important than spending a few minutes snuggling with my kiddos while they go to sleep. And in my experience I’ve never had an issue with them coming into our room in the middle of the night. This is complete unscientific but I’d like to believe that our close bond has made them feel secure and comfortable in their room. In my mind a lot of this is also attributable to them never having a negative experience with being alone in their room.
I could be wrong of course and all of our experiences are vastly different. Just my two cents.
And just as a note I’m actually a reasonably strict parent. Being an NCO in the military helped me to see what undisciplined children grow up to be but also that life and time with children is finite and priceless.
Initially we would lay with him until he fell asleep, but it got to the point he would not even start to fall asleep if we were not in there.
I changed it to that I would lay with him at bedtime and read a book or two while he was in bed. This seemed to help, plus it started his love of books to this day. At 15 he will still read a book before bed.
I got one of those Hatch night lights that you can set to turn a certain color at a certain time. If it's white then they know they can't come out and when it changes colors that means it's ok. Just be vigilant in the beginning and they'll get used to it. My kids love it.
I had proposed that to my wife but she thinks that he will try to touch it or tear at it if he gets upset
Break that sleeping with him habit as quick as you can. He needs to fall asleep on his own just like he did with his old bed/crib. We did the whole lay down with them with our oldest son, and was that a mistake. Especially if there are things you want to get done around the house and can't because he did not fall asleep.
As far as getting out of bed, I reversed the doorknob on his door so the lock was on the outside and he could not open it to get out. Works well up to when they start to use the bathroom by themselves in the middle of the night.
I locked it from the inside and he starts freaking out and ripping at the knob...but perhaps this is an option
He has a gate across his door but he’s been climbing it