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Rising Star
This gave me a laugh.
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I wouldn’t care to give her direct responses or share my truth, she can mind her business. For example:
1. My response would have been - oh yea, sometimes. (Even tho the answer is not sometimes)
2. My response would have been something like - Maybe but I’ll let ya know when I close so I can take PTO.
I’ve had this happen before and after that some folks would say wow why don’t you talk about your personal life. Sweetie we are here to work lol. I had eggs for breakfast and the weather is great. Keep the conversion light and keep it moving. Stay away from sharing to much personal stuff people will naturally judge or not understand.
This!
I’m sorry that’s happening to you. I know it’s hard, but remember you don’t have to answer any questions that make you feel uncomfortable. Some things that have worked for me is pausing before I answer and saying “why do you ask” or just putting it back on them. Saying “what about you?” Or “I haven’t decided yet, how was your weekend” and change the subject. Hoping that helps 💗
I like the “i haven’t decided yet”.
I mean, who else would you go to church with if you're single with no children? I don't live in the same state as my parents; my daughter is at college. I'm not NOT going to go, just because I have no one to go with.
Same with the home closing. Uhm is someone else on the deed and mortgage? No? Then why do they need to be there?
There is nothing wrong with you and don't let her twist you up, thinking there is.
Thank you. I realized yesterday I for sure did let her twist me up when I felt completely confident doing these things on my own and thought nothing of it until she reacted the way she did.
I am sorry that her comments made you feel bad. She lacks emotional intelligence. You are normal and your feelings are normal. Maybe having a chat with a therapist will help give you a little relief. *Hug*
Why do I feel like such an outcast and a loner with these questions? Just wondering if anyone else navigates like this or am I really the odd one? I'm just used to being independent and doing things on my own but it has really made me wonder if I lack support from my family
I do everything on my own, too. I learned how to drive and bought my first car on my own. I got my first apartment on my own. I do everything without consulting family, really. I didn't think it was weird until I went to a PWI and realized that my family was a bit distant? I know they care about me but we only call every few months, maybe. Going over to my friends' homes for Easter or Thanksgiving because my family wasn't even celebrating and seeing their families really gave pause.
NEVER go to a closing solo if you are a first-time home buyer. Find an advocate (specifically someone who has purchased a home in the same town, city, or province as the property) to go with you.
The person can NOT be the realtor as they are a salesperson, and a realtor/salesperson's motivation is to close the sale and get their commission. If the realtor is a family member or friend, you will NEED someone INDEPENDENT.
YOU are paying EVERYONE in that closing, including "your attorney." They are NOT your friends. Purchasing a home is a business transaction, and there are NO friends or family when it comes to business. Will the folk at closing pay your mortgage if anything goes wrong?
Find someone to go with you who is not emotionally invested or getting paid as part of the closing transaction. They need to be able to interrogate EVERYTHING and not blindly listen to an attorney or others in a position of authority.
Good luck!
I went by myself, bought my first house a year and a half ago. It’s not anything you can’t handle on your own.
I completely understand you OP for me, I’m still learning to accept the hyper independence I have because my family is super dysfunctional and I rather keep my distance from most of them.
Everyone should acknowledge that families have a range of dynamic but I completely understand
I feel like she is being nosey. Don't let the opinions of others affect how you feel about your decision and your life. Congratulations on the home! 👏🏾
Definitely not a loner or an outcast. Some people are super close (even can be codependent) with their parents. I’m the same as you, once I got my first job and could pay for things on my own I preferred to do things on my own. I’m just not close with people in my family so major milestones aren’t really something I share. I did notice though that it was usually white folks that didn’t get it or tried to make me feel weird about it.
A good example would be when I was in college and decided to study abroad on a whim and applied to the school like a week before the deadline and got accepted to leave within like a month and a half . I didn’t really tell anyone I just did all the things I needed to go and then probably like a week or so before I needed to go my ride canceled so I asked my parents for a ride and that was when they found out I was leaving to go live in Australia for months haha. I just have the mindset of if it doesn’t involve them then I don’t have the urge to share.
Especially, if you don’t see your coworkers as friends. For those of us whose coworkers turned into family. It’s normal. They would be at the housewarming, engagement party or baby shower. Someone who is just a coworker. I usually don’t share unless she’s covering. Etc Coworkers knowing too much is never a good thing. Most are two faced. Or you get laid off & never hear from them again.
Well, first let’s unpack why anything she says matters? If we know that, we can give proper support
I would take them with you to close on the house though. But who cares who goes to church with you lol she’s weird
My sister in Christ, please, please please please do not answer these types of questions at work
Sometimes I just wish they would stop Karen inviting themselves into our lives
If I’m asked personal questions I don’t feel like answering at work I just flip it back on them exactly or with some version of “why do you ask?”
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Your life is yours. I'm sure it's just a different dynamic than she's used to. I had an old assistant manager who told me she didn't like being touched because her parents didn't hug her growing up, that not how they showed affection. I was taken back because my family is extremely affectionate but she shared her story and I was understanding. If your life is full than that's all that matters.