Need help 🐠
GF in med school at tier 3 city, I’m currently in tier 1 city, I got my MBB dream offer in another tier 1 city across the US.

Dating 4 years, 2 in college, 2 post grad. CONT

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Long distance isn’t hard when you’re a consultant. I live with my husband and we’re basically in a LDR since we see each other on the weekends. You can easily alt travel to her “tier 3” city on the weekends.

likeupliftingsmart

My two cents is this. Your biggest relationship decision here is not MBB vs Accenture, its consulting vs low travel job. Your future wife will have a low/no travel job and a stable, family friendly career (assuming she’s not going to be a emergency room surgeon or something crazy). That right there is an amazing set up. You’re obviously talented enough to land a satisfying, well paying job that keeps you both at home 6 nights out of seven. Maybe you don’t “chase your dream” of being an MBB partner. Well, I’ve been that. It doesn’t make you happy. In fact, happiness isn’t really even the goal. The goal is doing something meaningful with your life. Can MBB partner be that? It can? But so can a thousand other futures you might have. Meaning comes from faith, family, friends and earned success in a career (I’m channeling Arthur Brooks and Jordan Peterson, shamelessly, if you didn’t already realize). Listen, if she’s the one, go to her and never let her go. You have a chance at deep meaning and potentially even happiness if she is, and you choose a satisfying life of a loving close family.

likeupliftinghelpful
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Somehow in the above, the fact that she is a doctor was missed. Think long-term my boy:

“You can marry more money in a day than you can earn in your entire life.”

#trueexitstrategies

likefunny

If you’re happy with Accenture (assume you’re in Strategy) move to the Tier 3 city and have a decent career and someone special to share your success with. Also remember you’re supporting your partner’s career now which is fantastic! Wouldn’t you expect the same from her if you were in her situation?

likeuplifting

Consider her future possibilities too. If you relo to her, what happens when she matches to another city in a couple years?

I would suggest that this is a discussion you should be having with her. The input you've received above should be helpful inputs that you can share during that conversation, but be open with her about your career aspirations, ask about hers (and the steps she will need to take to reach them), and see where that leads you.

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What year of med school? She can easily match in your city.

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If you have to ask... you’re not really pining to be with her. Toss a coin I’m sure you’ll have your answer before the coin lands.

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You’ll be traveling during the week regardless so just fly to her place every weekend instead

likeuplifting

Everyone saying long distance relationships are no big deal are crazy. I did it for 1.5 years and it puts a lot of strain on the relationship. It also just sucks not being able to see them when you are already in this career. It worked out for us but I wish we never had to do it. And for you it’s 3-4 years!
If she is the one then go live in her city and invest in the relationship. You will get more from a meaningful relationship and marriage than you will ever get from a career. Money and prestige are nice vanity articles, but they do not lead to deeper satisfaction with life the way being with the love of your life will. Next week is my last in consulting because we are starting a family and I want to be there with my wife, for everything

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Which cities? Are you opposed to long distance? As someone who did it for two years, you can make it work

likeuplifting

Since when is putting relationship over career considered “weak?” I think it’s the confident thing to do. All my successful mentors have preached the importance of having a solid support network to help them achieve their career goals. It’s not weak at all to consider your partner in a career choice, it’s the mature and right thing to do

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Just break up with her and pursue your dream job.

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If this is your dream to be in MBB, take it. If it is supposed to work with the SO it will. I did cross country distance with the SO for 2 years and fly 80 percent of the time during the week for the other 2 years. Still happy and no regrets.

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It’s simple. Take MBB , do LDR and see how things go. If they don’t work out , quit MBB and find a job in Florida using your MBB experience..

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MBB. You will kill your self later when she breaks up with you.

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OP if you were already married I don’t think you’d consider anything other than what keeps you together as a family at whatever level is workable for you guys. Maybe going bi-coastal would be ok but that’s between you guys. If you’re sure this relationship is going all the way then make your other life plans around that. Who you worked for - especially early in your career - will be a footnote on your life. Your family will be most of the book. To possibly more directly answer your question, many relationships have survived a lot of distance as you both embark on your careers but none would call it easy. Have a deep conversation. If you’re future husband and wife then decide as a team. Good luck!

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OP, here’s something else to consider. If you’re early on in your career you will likely want / need to be in the office on Fridays and other non travel days to build a network in your new firm. Also, the expectations at MBB are vastly different than the large diversified consulting firms like ours. In addition, I know that firms like Bain and BCG are actively pushing for regional
Staffing models which may prohibit your ability to Alt travel. My point is that don’t bank on Alt travel.
Keep cash / miles to go spend weekends with the Mrs. Finally, long distance is hard.. not impossible but really difficult.

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If I were your gf, I’d say follow your dream and see. Just because you go to SF doesn’t mean you can’t come back if it’s not working. She’s following her dream - and she has 3 years + residency after depending on her picks. If you’re in it for the long game, it’s silly to put your dreams on hold. You’re young and talented. If it’s meant to be - you will both make it work. I agree you should involve her in this discussion to get her thoughts. But I would want you to chase your dream job and support you - as you would me. Good luck!

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OP don't do it. You will regret it and possibly end up resenting her. Use the travel flexibility to spend more time in her city during the weekends but DO NOT move

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If you don’t take MBB , you will resent your gf in future . If you take MBB you will resent yourself in present

likefunny

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