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that’s almost a whole year away, more than enough time for her to decide whether to comply or leave
Coach
Calendar 2026? Or FY 2026?
While it’s a dick move for your company to require the employee return to office when she was able to be a high performer when she WFH, kudos to you for advocating for your direct report to get other options (less in office days or consultant role) but your options are limited. 1st talk to her like an adult and explain to her this is happening regardless what she think/complaint. Then analyze each options on the table one last time on her perspective with her, and suggest the best option like you’re her mentor. Lastly, tell her that if she’s continually complaint like a child, not only it’s not helping the situation but will put her in a difficult situation where the other options maybe taken away and she is going to work in the office the same amount of days like everyone else.
Anyone that has a brain will understand the situation and comply. But keep in mind you will lose her anytime as soon as she find a better opportunity.
Dick move is right! If she’s a high performer, leave her the hell alone, especially when you told her she was going to be remote going forward. What is the benefit to the company of having her walk in the door? Other than her physical presence, nothing.
Also, have you thought about the message that you’re sending with this one situation?
The only other thing that you can do is let her know you want her to stop complaining. That’s legitimate feedback. She has her choice and she’s going to have to make it. And you and the company are going to have to suffer with your choice and how you handled this.
Coach
Hey OP I get that you're stuck between a rock and a hard place (a complaining high performer can really weigh the team down, and a silly mandate for RTO is just painfully stupid from leadership).
Good on you for trying to negotiate a middle ground.
I think you need to seriously consider the following:
1. Why does she reject the 2-3x in office? (That one is obvious... 3+ hours away is a nuts commute at the same level of pay).
2. Why does she reject a consultant role? She's losing benefits but is the compensation adjusted to help ease that loss? So that she can pay for insurance, and 401k match losses? Is it the stability of the contract that matters to her? Is there anything you can do to solidify a multi year consulting contract etc. to manage that?
3. Why is leadership enforcing 4x RTO? Is this just about underutilised assets? Or is this a way to pressure people into feeling like leaving so the company doesn't have to deal with severance pay? It's called quiet firing for a reason.
Her best option right now is to be a throb in your side until you can find her a better option.
Remember that the company is asking for someone to uproot their life (again).
You're a manager, sure, but this is where you get tested about what kind of leader you are. If she's struggling to find a role in her area maybe it's worth helping her find an opportunity that better suits her elsewhere.
At the end of the day you can come down hard and give her feedback that she's complaining and it's dragging the team down, but if you can really back her up properly she'll likely stop complaining on her own.
Coach
Yeah I can definitely hear that struggle in the way you're asking about this - thanks for being a genuine leader, not just a manager. Apologies for the aggressive lead in... 've just seen too many managers that aren't leaders lately (my own managers included) so thought I'd throw the hard questions out first.
Yeah so 1 is an obvious no go. Glad you've tried 2... he response gives a very clear answer in what she wants.
To me it seems like she's struggling to find growth within this team (promotion path) despite being a high performer for a few years now... and probably feels under-appreciated right about now because this is an additional blocker in the way of that.
Honestly it feels like she might have hit a ceiling and it's better off looking elsewhere... but is either hesitant to look elsewhere... due to lack of confidence interviewing, or golden handcuffs comfortable in her current position which isn't tenable anyway, or overinvested in this business... it's hard to drop a sunk cost of years of high performing and convince yourself to start in a totally new business and build trust again from scratch. That can be daunting. (This is why I found myself hesitating in the past).
As an manager you're hands are probably tied re encouraging her to look elsewhere... so you gotta be careful there.
However... as a mentor... charting out the career plan with her might help her realise what is and isn't realistic in this business for her career trajectory. Map out the blockers within this business that she needs to overcome. It can be a painful conversation but it needs to be clear and honest.
If you can't do that maybe set her up with a trusted mentor outside of the business to career coach her a bit and nudge her in the direction (to a better opportunity elsewhere) that she needs.
Attitude beats performance. They need to understand that nothing lasts forever, so figure it out, or find something else
Coach
Too right.
OP, I wish I had a manager who advocated the way you do
That said, I’d gently challenge the idea that she’s a high performer. High performers in my experience take accountability, collaborate, and bring solutions. Here it seems you’ve done all the work to find options, she’s rejected them all, and is showing resistance rather than partnership. A very fixed mindset which doesn’t bode well for further change
I empathize with her move based on information she had at the time, but refusing to commute for half the time others will be doing in the office or consider the consulting role shows a reluctance to adapt
It may help to lay out the new parameters clearly and ask her to propose workable alternatives. If she’s truly a high performer, she should be able to do that
Thank you! This is validating since this is how I’m starting to feel too — don’t love the attitude. As you suggest, i am going to point out that part of development at her level is to calmly chart a path forward when in a tough situation.
I love how no one else is pushing back on the RTO. She has a year to comply. I definitely appreciate how the manager is trying to work with her, but why not leave a good high performing employee alone?
Although being in office has great team benefits, I’d consider whether her skills and contribution require her to be in office. If she can do her job in office or remote then consider allowing to stay remote. I understand some companies are taking a hard line, but this isn’t the common sense approach. Our company’s policy is if they’re outside 60 miles then they can request remote.
- high performer includes being a good influence including following the rules from above. I’ve worked with mini industry celebs before and if they’re not a good influence, they get booted.
- Job market is good for employers these days so should be doable to replace or keep/develop existing exployees
35+ years of experience trying to rationalize, compromise, customize and more. If the employee has a bad attitude, nothing else matters. Don't delay. Share there are two options 1) keep chin up with a good attitude or 2) find another job. If the attitude persists, terminate for cause. The quicker the better. Hard to lose a high performer, but a bad attitude will eat away at the team like a cancer.
If attitude improves, start looking for a potential replacement, because this employee will use the next year to find a job that doesn't require moving or RTO with a 3 hour commute.
Good luck, these decisions are tough and stressful. That's why you get paid the big bucks!!!