Something I learned from my grandparents about marriage, is that despite the push to be best friends, you should keep some mystery alive to maintain attraction. Do you share absolutely everything with your spouse?

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I share a lot, but not everything. And certainly not my gummy bears.

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Not sure I get where you're coming from, at least with that first sentence. Being best friends with your partner and keeping some mystery alive are not mutually exclusive. I have friends I've known for longer than I've known my wife and even they still don't know every detail of my life. We definitely share a lot with each other but I've never felt like we've run out of new things to discover. I think it also comes down with knowing how to nurture wonder and curiosity in your own life.

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I don't share everything with my spouse, but it's not like I'm hiding anything all that nefarious. I just think it's normal for people to have some things they keep to themselves. That's what allows people to get along, really.

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I've been married for 25+ years, this weekend, I told a story while we were chilling with a friend couple that she had never heard before, and she looked at me like I had 6 heads.
Even when you think you know everything, you're most likely wrong.

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I feel like my spouse and I share everything with each other, it's great to have someone to talk through things with. I think that keeping the mystery alive just means constantly learning new things about your spouse, you don't want to hide things since that could eventually lead to problems down the line.

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Even best friends have some mystery to them… this is a weird statement.

I don’t deliberately keep anything from my spouse, neither do I sit down at the end of the day and tell them absolutely everything going on inside and outside my brain. I believe that my honest to them and my trust in them is essential to receiving the same back from them. And that helps us continue to be happy after 20 years

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My spouse and I feel differently about this. My spouse feels that your spouse should be the person who “writes your book”. basically the person who knows everything about you. And I was born into code switching.

He also doesn’t know everything I have ever done that would be interesting to know. Where as he told me everything about himself as soon as we met with the enthusiasm of a kid showing a new friend their toy collection.

By “mystery” maybe you mean “differentiation”…? Esther Perel writes a lot about that in her books Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs.

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