TW: infertility
For those of you who have experienced infertility challenges, first of all, I’m so sorry. My goal is to be a better support to colleagues going through this, and I think often I and others don’t know how to respond in a work setting.
When you had particularly hard moments where you needed work support from your boss/team as you were going through it, what were some of the more supportive reactions or ways your boss/team showed up for you?

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Don’t :
Ask when they will have a kid or make jokes or comments about “when you have kids someday” (the latter happens more than you think- like “oh, you know how to do x? You’ll be such a great mom!” Or “I can’t cook, my kids will exist on pop tarts, but your family will be all gourmet vegan!”

Don’t say negative things about only children or how you def want 2 because only children are x or y.

Don’t say “I look 3 months pregnant in this dress! Hahaha!”

Do:
Let them take a lot of doc appointments without having to check with you- just say “as long as you are getting it done, I don’t need to know exactly what’s on your calendar.” It gets so painful to constantly have to email about time off. They can have hundreds of appointments and a lot of clinics do lunch or early am, but having to tell your team and wonder if they are suspicious or judging is added stress.

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During my first round, I told no one, ashamed mostly. I was going to dr appts at 6am, waking up at 4am to travel to appts and get to work so no one would notice. Luckily IVF was an aggressive 2 weeks between boosting and transfer.

My other rounds of IVF, I was more open to my male mgr. vague about it but he did know that it was related to my family.

I suggest support in any medical situation. Most will probably never talk about infertility

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I would not ever want my boss or team to acknowledge this in any way tbh. Just being understanding/accommodating about occasionally needing personal time or flexibility to deal with medical stuff (without having to share details) is the main way I would want support.

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