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Like, I dunno man, you okay...?
Off Topic : 1) When Does a software engineer start financial planning for retirement since the our Career span is only 15-20 years on average.
2) How much and which schemes to invest to mitigate the risk?
3) How much do we need for retirement? Tata Consultancy Infosys Mindtree IBM Wipro Capgemini Cognizant HCL Technologies
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Aisa confidence kaha se ata hai bhai
Rising Star
Anybody read Ants Among Elephants? Thoughts?
Rising Star
Found this and thought it was hilarious
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I always have a soft spot for fellow Indians and try to help
Y’all might be the minority - Most Indians feel intensely competitive towards each other
Based on my understanding, it has a lot to do with continued colonialism. While other communities around the world lived through the pain and made sure children passed on that information, in India, the majority community, both before and after independence faced a double whammy wherein on one hand the establishment taught distorted history weakening the communal consciousness and confidence, and on the other hand their institutions were systematically disintegrated and repurposed to their current form which has gaping holes and fissures (that need to be fixed). As a result, the community has been losing the confidence over generations because of generational shame, lack of exposure to correct version of our histories and inability of communal institutions to affect change because of being controlled by vested groups. And add to that, the heterogeneity of voices and interests of people within the community. Hopefully, things change for the better, we are able to see facts, and reconcile our past in a way that it doesn’t perpetuate a sense of victimhood and animosity towards other communities today while not being blind to the obvious challenges and threats and calling them out and hoping others to meet us half way.
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"Shame" is such an interesting word. Look up Shame vs Guilt based cultures online and you'll find interesting articles that should how people are motivated in different cultures. Anecdotally I think of white guilt, catholic guilt, and comparatively how a lot of Indian parenting is shame based.
Are you asking about Indians in India or Indian origin/immigrants from India in US/other countries. The community bonding is always going to differ based on the size and duration. If you take an Indian community been in a location/suburbs for over decade the activities and bonding and social activities differ when compared to a newly established community. Indians has habit of being adjusted and then establishing the root after that trying the dominance in their circles and then go to the level of intense expressions like the example you mentioned about public display.
India is far more diverse than one race or one religion. It doesn’t need a collective trauma to “unite”. That country exists.
African Americans are not a one agenda monolith. Jewish people are not either. Either of them are not countries. I have no idea what you mean by “United”. India is literally a country under one constitution
How? You disagree that African Americans are not a monolith ? Your premise is wrong. That’s the problem with the “ABD” post and yours
You are also confusing India the country with immigrants.
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...continued - the recent posts on ABDs, a previous one on a Dallas based social media influencer making fun of desis celebrating in public. my observation is that we are so critical of each other, I get we're a competitive group of people but I often envy communities that have a sense of looking out for each other. And I wonder what binds us? Is it cricket ? Is it food ? Is there anything that could be labeled as the shared Indian experience?
In India, community and locality binds us. In US, that is gone so shared experiences binds us until the community is big enough to bind us. But nationality will never bind us. Even in India it takes a war to share a sentiment but even then only certain communities bind.
Bottom line, our identity in US is based on money making so no matter what friction will always exist due to comparison. Even American Born Desis chase non-desis so doubt that binding will happen anything soon.
The sad part is the unhealthy competition in US just makes it worse to bond. Everyone is either envious of the person who already has a GC or a high paying job. Recently I experienced a Deloitte leader envious of a junior US born desi on how he was coasting vs the struggle they had. I was like this thinking will never make us one.
Rising Star
You are forgetting India Pak wars or cricket matches 🤣
Good point. Well, given what we saw from “harbingers of peace” declaring one-sidedly “SayNoToWar” during Op Sindoor, I’d say this example only reinforces the hypothesis. I don’t take the cricket enterprise seriously. The irony that ICC is led by JS doesn’t escape me either. Which is why I think the community needs to wake up and smell the coffee.
This is such an interesting conversation of we approach it from curiosity. I have almost felt that community build on socio economic status. So, even in India, you would have community more aligned to SES despite region/religion/language. Similarly, I have observed that ABDs bond based on SES irrespective of immigration status. Might be my person opinion and observation, but after a threshold, MPC (money, power and contacts) leads to community build than immigration/religion/language/birth country. Elitist in India bond over shared goals and have no concern whether American economy goes down the drain, while Americans (I will never refer them as desi as it's not fair to them. They are majorly coconuts who just share the skin color but not really the same upbringing as most in India so it's unfair to both to be clubbed into same bucket) have no concern regarding tariffs imposed on India. It's really fair and atleast I see this in other communities as well. Not all Jews bond for common goal (Hasidic vs Modern Jews have totally different community values and bonding).... overall it all comes down to MPC
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I'd say me being Bengali and being from a trader caste myself there might be long standing networks of relationships between "old money" families regardless of Sindhi, Marwari, gujarati or Bengali (I speak for Kolkata - don't know the Delhi experience but I have no reason to not believe you )
So I guess what you're saying is - if you're wealthy and well connected - money connects people. What connects a salaried middle class telegu person to Marwari despite both being Indians and Hindu ?
OP - as an ABD who has a family. I try to teach my children the values I was raised with, the traditions from my family and pass on our religion. My family all look like we are Indian. But at the end of the day, we are all American.
Where I struggle with immigrants from India, is that there is an attachment to a country that I do not share, that they are so desperately trying to pass on to their children. So it’s difficult to feel a sense of ‘we are the same’.
At the end of the day, the living in a country where everyone looked liked you is a luxury you may have had, that I will never have in my life and neither will my kids. So I need to hold on to what is important while also thriving in an environment while I will always be visually different.
So the attachment to a country where I have never lived, makes it difficult to be a community. I prefer the attachment and community of my religion which has no borders.
They are the same religion as me. But to me, the religion and the country do not have to be one and the same.