Anyone have any experience in coping with someone’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder? It’s my mother, and this has psychologically devastated me all my life, but I don’t know whether to keep trying or cut her out.

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Read adult children of emotionally immature parents! I just finished and it's super good at helping with this

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^ I second the recommendation to read adult children if emotionally immature parents. There’s a lot of very practical tips to help deal and understand how your parent(s) might have become like this.

It helped me distance myself from my parents and handle the guilt of doing so. The book also helped me recognize how their narcissism rippled through me and made me shrink my own needs to please them - which absolutely plays out in every facet of my real life. It was just too damaging to keep trying to have a relationship with them.

Here if you want to talk more about this in DM if you need, it’s a really tough situation.

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I’m glad to hear you were able to do what was best for your well-being and distancing.

First of all, let me just say I’m really sorry you’re going through this! My father has NPD, it took me a very long time to even get where you are and understand what effect he had on me psychologically, and who he is and that he won’t change. I am in a lot of ways no contact with him, I very much downgraded our relationship to the point that we basically don’t have one, but he is still married to my mom and she and I are close so that complicates things, but my mom totally understands how I feel (of course), and doesn’t pressure the relationship. I never explained why I was distancing myself because he wouldn’t listen, or he would just turn the blame on me and gaslight me, so I just stopped calling him one day and it was fine and I feel really good about it! It’s probably been ten or so years now. You have to do whatever makes you feel safe so you can move forward as your best, strongest self.

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Let them talk. The reasonable people will know you are not those things. Those who take their side are of no consequence to you.

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I started therapy in Jan for this very reason. Would highly recommend! Also my therapist got me to read “The Dance of Connection” by Harriet Lerner - would also highly recommend!

I was in a state of reading everything I could on NPD online. My therapist advised me against doing so cause it’s all pretty cut and run. I had convinced myself that I needed to go no or low contact but actually she helped me realize I can change how I communicate with my mother without losing the relationship and this book (and her sessions) helped me to see how. Of course, I don’t know how bad/toxic your situation is but that’s been my experience.

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YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This is such a miserable situation to deal with but it's *great* that you identified the problem early in your life. The first thing to know is, sadly, a narcissist will. not. change. They absolutely can't understand why they should. If it causes more problems to cut them out entirely, then go low contact. It has helped me tremendously.

Also there is a Reddit called raisedbynarcissists, that has been helpful. I'm careful not to fall too deep into it, because it can make me spiral, but just reading a few stories makes me feel reassured that I'm fine, not alone, and am doing the right thing by staying low contact.

likehelpful

I think my mom might have some form of this, but I struggle because she has legit reasons for being needy and depressed too. The main thing is setting boundaries and it’s a constant work in progress for me. Therapy has helped. Sometimes I sit back and see myself getting sucked back in though

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The way people process trauma is linked to many, many factors. You can’t expect trauma to manifest the same in different people. Almost all of the reasons have to do with subconscious and even biological ones. Researching trauma may be helpful for you in understanding this and maybe helping heal your own heart.

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“The Drama of the Gifted Child” -My therapist suggested it as I’ve been dealing with a very similar issue. It’s so spot on to what I thought was my unique situation with my mom, that it’s spooky. Helping me see things differently.

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This sounds fascinating— thank you!!

I think I’m in the same boat with my Mother but it hasn’t been diagnosed. The worse part is she lives with my Husband and I to watch our child...she acts like she should run the house even though we pay for EVERYTHING...

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Oh NO. That is terrifying. You must feel so trapped… I don’t think most NDPs get diagnosed, if any! I suppose the most important thing is that your child is cared for 💜

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