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Rising Star
Well if you are happy for now just enjoy it for a moment.
Society tells us our partners need to meet every standard/ requirement that you listed, and more.
Your happiness is important, even if it is temporary.
Thank you M1. I’m just scared to break his heart one day. He planned a bunch of things to do together with me.
Pro
Cute, nice, independent, caring, happy. Just read your own post OP - you know the answer. Things might go wrong on the immigration front one day but life is never predictable.
Is it bad if I like traveling? But I think he can go back to Mexico or go to Puerto Rico. I’m not sure about that much lol 😂
I see lots of red flags: lying about age, insecurity about money (no matter the situation), pressure to marry for green card purposes, your potential liability due to his illegal status.
Community Builder
Agreed wholeheartedly with PwC1 as someone who grew up undocumented since age 4 and only now about to become a citizen 23 years later because I was lucky enough to find and marry the love of my life. The immigration system is broken. No need to perpetuate stigma, no need to use outdated and dehumanizing terms like illegal alien, and definitely no need to hold someone’s status against them.
Let’s be honest, the D is probably 💯 that’s why you’re still with him
Well if anyone has grade A angus beef D let me know. I def need it
Pro
You need to make your list of dealbreakers in a relationship. It should be a short list, not a 50 item wishlist. For me, lacking a college education (or at least well paid job or owned business) is a dealbreaker for long term partnership, but that doesn't have to be the case for you.
Enjoy your time with him while it lasts. That you asked this question implies you're not quite satisfied, which means you'll move on pretty quickly when better options arise.
Pro
I can't say that there is zero green card motivation, but as a 30-something gay guy myself, it seems like he mostly wants a serious relationship. By your 30s, hookups and flings have started to get old and you may want something more. He could think the same.
The process is complicated, but not insurmountable. It's easier than getting a job at FAANG, in my experience 😛
To my knowledge, there is no impact on you if you break up before, during or after the green card process. I am pretty sure you need to report your divorce and any address change.
*Undocumented
Rising Star
Go with the flow. If you’re happy, why not just be with him. The lying about age thing wouldn’t bother me. I’m always honest about it, but I’ve been with guys that shave a couple of years off. (They’ve always been younger than me, so I never got it.) but it all came out later and was no big deal. The immigration status wouldn’t bother me at all, so if I were in your situation, as you describe it, just live your life and have fun.
I think of that all time, but sometimes I just said to myself that I should enjoy every moment now and forgot about that. Definitely I’m not into marrying to help somebody get a green card but idk it depends. Thanks
Rising Star
As some people above have alluded to, yes you should have standards based on your personal values. It’s important that you should figure out what they are before you enter into a relationship.
That said, it doesn’t sound like any of these things you mentioned are actual dealbreakers for you. You are concerned about them naturally but none of these things are antithetical to who you are and what your values are.
You mention that he’s a very loving person and treats you well. The money thing is natural given the difference in your occupations and the “money insecurity” seems to manifest more in the sense that he overcompensates and tries to pay more often for you, as opposed to actual conflict.
Honestly, it sounds like you’re in a good relationship but you might have some commitment issues (which are super common) and insecurity issues (I’m not as good a person as he is.. (You are!)). And you are looking for a reason to end the relationship.
Might be worth talking with a therapist about your question/concerns.
Give it a bit of time. Typically I feel that two people with vastly different backgrounds find it difficult to keep the conversation going. But if you guys can keep it going, good for you! Illegal immigrant thing would be a hard no for me. I’m already super stressed by being a legal immigrant myself.