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I don’t struggle at all. If they need to be talked down to, so be it. Anyone can get it. However, the problem is and always will be that as a Black woman, in any space, I tend to be viewed as aggressive no matter how intelligent or informed my opinion or position may be. Six one way, half a dozen the other…🫠
And if you over-modulate, you get penalized for being “low energy”, “too casual”, or “disinterested” in the work
What do the white male leaders who DO care need to do to get past the stigma of not caring or being invested? DEI is so much more than color and gender. We want to know what we can do. Help us.
Assistant VP, your comment seems to imply that because you haven’t experienced it, it is not happening. And yet the data clearly shows that the leadership roles continue to be filled by male, white, CIS-gendered people. I would encourage you to ask yourself, what is 1 thing I can do to dismantle a systemic bias on my team. You might not know what that one thing is, but I bet the women, people of color and other under represented people on your team can give you their valuable insight. Taking action against system biases is one way to help pave the way for equity and create belonging.
In my last job, I worked in an all white office. I found that I was usually either not heard or met with defensiveness. It's frustrating and emotionally draining, but it also shouldn't be entirely on us to have to bring these issues forward. This is exactly why DEI training exists and should be just as crucial as that yearly sexual harassment training.
The defenses go up and it just seems like the conversation goes no where once someone tries to make it personal and give personal examples or tell you about your own experience of being a POC ? It’s almost laughable as it is frustrating
Me too! It’s hard tbh because they don’t care about that. They only care about their agendas.
I struggle to voice myself AT ALL because I’m not heard. I think it’s a universal struggle!
I’m new to this and am a POC too. I recently moved to North America from a developing nation and do work majorly with white colleagues. It’s an extremely sensitive topic and absolutely does not come up or encouraged to be discussed (though there are clear policies). The biases are subtle and not overt but not absent. Are you talking about “talking down” about these subtle biases or major lapses?
I have no idea why this was a suggested topic for me, maybe because of my race, but I am going to back out of the bowl after I say this. The attitude of people in this thread is exactly why people are cutting DEI departments in mass. There is so much hatred. Respond or don’t I won’t see it, I don’t need the negativity in my life.
@PM2. Statistically speaking, the people in power are going to roughly follow the composition of the area as a whole, allowing for some variability based on preference. In China, mostly Chinese are in power. Same in India, Russia, and yes in the US as well.
Race and gender issues have objectively gotten much better with each generation but I also think we’re in a weird time because even though it’s getting better we have instant access to information and this information is targeted so we continue to get fed things that (usually) reinforce our belief systems.
Hopefully that helps give you context from my point of view. Cheers.
Yes, it’s a struggle. One tactic I’ve used is to expand my language to be more inclusive of groups that I *don’t* identify when discussing issues that apply to the group I *do* identify with.
We know that POC are penalized when perceived as advocating for their own group, so including other groups helps me be more effective with white/male audiences.
Yes it IS a struggle! Can you ask them questions with a pregnant pause rather than telling them how things are? Let them process and reach for their own insights.
Agreed C1, I find that (well crafted) questions are the best way to help people open their eyes to their own ignorance. This especially works in writing, as they’re less likely to feel the social pressure to answer in a fake PC way.
If you feel the need to talk down to people because of their race then you should seriously think about the unconscious biases that you have. Honestly, everyone who’s agreed with this comment should be ashamed. How can you not feel an overwhelming sense of hypocrisy by posting about how hard it is not to talk down to white people in a forum dedicated to diversity and inclusion?
FPA1 - I was agreeing with you on the idea of talking down to people (which is being condescending).
SM- - Sticking up for yourself and being condescending are two completely different things. You can do one without the other.
Is it automatic/all leadership or in response to what certain people say/do?
You are POC but what if someone talked down to you about dei because you weren't from the LGBTQ+ community? Or from the deaf community? Or...
Realistically, you look and see the relevant ways you intersect with dei. Someone else might see the ways you don't. Perhaps less different from the white man or woman you mentioned.
Hopefully, each person acknowledges they have room to grow and learn.
This is straight by up racism.
I think if you have a problem not talking down to someone, you may have a communication issue that you need to work through.
No... cuz that would be racist and sexist.
Nope the struggle is real. It probably does weaken your case as no one likes being talked down to but there ways to step through it without getting triggered. Stick to facts and behaviours demonstrated. Speaking on a meta level likely won’t resonate for folks. Also find allies that are non POC. That’s the best way to support and push your case.
I agree with the find allies
It is a struggle. I've had DEI doc reviews with leaders in the past where I've definitely lost my cool... not my best moment, for sure.
My best recommendation is to try to deescalate when possible. If you don't feel like you can respond in the moment w/o talking down to someone, say something like "I hear your feedback. Let me consider off line and I'll get back with you."
I’ve never raised my voice but not agreeing, or the conversation turning into them trying to prove they support or are an ally to LGBTQ community or women or POC they will accuse you of being emotional or angry and push the narrative….of angry or emotional woman or POC … but white men are seen as passionate and assertive and white woman cry and now you’re in HR because you didn’t agree with her/them. It’s exhausting
As long as you are coming from the place of “the fair treatment and full participation of all people” and not showing bias, it can never be condescending. Show the same empathy for the people you are working with that you want them to show you.
I’m really not sure “talking down” to people is ever the right approach. One of the goals of DEI is, in my view, creating a respectful environment where people are treated fairly and with dignity. If you, the person who is trying to spearhead the change to that idealized state, is not being respectful, how successful do you think you’re going to be? You’re not going to build a better working environment based on condescension and anger. While it is debatable as to whether anger is at all right when protesting in the streets, creating a hostile work environment for others is not the solution. Two wrongs don’t make a right, golden rule, etc. etc.