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I don’t know if this is what you are looking for But I once had a boss that was aggressively condescending on a daily basis. Demeaning employees and saying things like “no wonder you can’t close, it sounds like you have marbles in your mouth” In an open office setting was disastrous for morale. He would fire people in front of the entire staff and would throw phones and/or swipe a stack of papers off of somebody’s desk if they weren’t doing a good enough job. This was in the early 00s, mind you, where it wasn’t quite boiler room but definitely .com caliber “leadership.” The thing was, numbers were amazing and only continued to get better. He would overstep personal boundaries like calling people on the phone at 5:30 in the morning or 1030 at night to yell or reiterate what somebody had done poorly. The company ended up getting acquired and he took over a CEO of the larger company, which immediately nosedived, performance-wise. To be completely transparent, it was not his fault – there was a dramatic shift in the market place due to more legislative oversight – but his humbling came rapidly. Within a span of about nine months, he was Caught cheating by his wife (leading to a divorce) dressed down by his 15-year-old daughter (who came to our office to yell at him for accusing her of having an abortion), followed by nights where he would literally sleep in his luxury SUV in the parking lot, walking in to the office with bed head as if everything was normal. He ended up breaking his hip, and upon his return to the company and the office, everything had changed. He was more sincere, more patient, and frankly, a weathered and even beaten man. I’m not sure if this is “winning out over an abusive boss“ but seeing his demise was in someway gratifying even though overall it was really a sad scenario. The thing was, he had some great tools to offer as far as management maxims and at times, motivational strategies. But that said, never thought I’d end up seeing that occur to a near tyrant.
Agree with MM1! This was a really nice read. Love the flow and rhythm. I almost forgot this was based on a true story.
Not that it “worked” in the sense that they changed their behavior, but at my last job, I did work up the nerve to stare at an abusive very senior employee and deadpan ask her questions about her choice of words and tone - both 1:1 and in front of her team.
Made me feel better, and my constant questioning derailed her train of thought which was quite satisfying. Plus it inspired other folks around the office to do the same, which actually landed her in HR a few times.
I left before I could see it happen, but she was fired.
This is awesome. Although I fear she’d end my contract on the spot and I have to hand onto this role until I have something else. I’m going to start repeating her and see if that helps.
Why hold on to people who clearly don’t value you or care about what you bring to the company. The lack of EQ by my last boss made every day miserable. Eventually I gave up trying to get anyone to listen.
Not my direct boss, but in a matrix environment, she led both of my major accounts. Constantly spoke down at everyone, and about everyone to others. I called her on it enough that she started going around me to get work done, but there wasn't anywhere she could go that didn't turn the work back over to me and my team. Eventually had written proof of promises made to the client for work we morally should never agree to (like, overt, obvious racist and sexist requests). Gave it over at my exit interview. Left and started my own thing. Make more than 2x. All but one employee from 7 person team left within 3 months of me leaving, including the person hired to replace me and my direct supervisor. Now I get called on for projects from the same agency but never have to deal with that particular person. They're still there, but I won because I'm hella happy with my life now and never think about them unless someone asks me a question like this. But I know they think about me a lot because all the work my team did was lost when I/the team left.
A bully is held in place because they make the company money. Whether HR does something about it, is telling about the company culture.
I did a few years back at McCann. Enough people complained and he was fired within 6 months of starting there.
Get out
The one I have in mind retaliated against his/her team after they went to HR, essentially driving them out and making the team leave the company. The only thing that got rid of said bully was the client decided to move on from our agency and the bully was laid off.
After assaulting me and 2 other coworkers at a public event while drunk/high he was finally fired.
I had more skills and didn’t waste time on small things like my boss did. Eventually my bosses boss realized this and my boss went from managing 6 people to 0 then slowly got put on busy work and eventually funding for my bosses permission ran out. I am now managing 4 people, I hope I’m not emotionally abusive and bullying :0
I won by leaving. I didn’t have a job but it had become to much. It was an immediate relief. But it took awhile to recover. My friends said I had. PTSD. I freelanced with great people and rebuilt my confidence. I did t make as much money then but I had time to get my act together. I work on staff in an agency now and it is not perfect but no one treats people like this woman did.. All I know is that I had great bosses all my career and she was the only one that was a train wreck .I came to find out she May be mentally ill and that may explain a lot. Every once in a while I run into her at industry events and I nearly die. She always comes up to me and gives me a hug. I don’t know what’s up with that but maybe she has changed her spots. Either that or she’s finally on the right medication.
I have. Mentally. I would literally sit there and not engage at all. Show no reaction... not fear, not excitement, not anger. Slight smirk, not a grin, but a smirk as if he was a toddler having a tantrum over something silly. It confused the hell out of my boss. He realized that his approach didn’t work with me.
So he fired me.
😀 kidding. He just stopped approaching me that way.
I was forced out of my job - I still think he's one of the worst people but I don't think there was anything I could do at the time.
Yes! Read how to win friends and influence people. Manage up. Learn how to get what you want even if it’s not how YOU would have done it. “I prefer strawberries and cream to worms but when I go fishing it’s a worm on the hook” or something like that
Many have complained to CCO. A few complained to HR but nothing happened other than “talking to her”. The consensus was the company felt they “needed to support her.” So people have just been leaving because they’ve had enough.
They still keep that fast-talking empty fedora around?
I tried and lost - it’s best to move on, with urgency
There is no win here.
When you complain you can get fired, or your boss can get fired. Or both.
The scars from the type of emotional damage you are talking about will heal with time, but the dynamic on that team will never be the same, and there will be churn.
My advice is, don’t let anyone abuse you or your team. Speak up and stop the harassment!
I used to have a boss like this. I told our office head and HR on multiple occasions...no action. HR said oh, I don’t know her well.
No. They told me in my review I was more or less lucky to have a job based on one project that I did exactly how they suggested it and were generally racist as fuck.
Glad to be hearing stories where others came out on top though!
Why would you go out of your way to care for some asshole’s feelings knowing they don’t care about yours? They’ll never change. That’s facts!
It's interesting to see so many of what one may assume are female culprits. As far as advice, with these individuals you only need to give them more rope to trip themselves up. It takes a while, but witnessing the schadenfreudian result is better than any new business win or raise.
Some of the best bosses I’ve had have been women and some of the worst bosses have also been women. The men I’ve had as bosses mostly coast in the middle.
I confronted a boss who was being aggressive with me and he backed down immediately and acted like he didn’t know what he was doing. I was up most of the night with anxiety before I did it though, I was really scared. Other women in the company were concerned about his inappropriate behavior but he seemed very unclear about why he kept getting in trouble. Other bosses I have had to just leave or else I would try to talk to them or else subtly sabotage them in some way...