Have you ever been gaslighted, bullied and undermined by a narcissistic male boss? I am the breadwinner of my family and need to stay where I am for 10 months more at least. Any advices please?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Yes. It was awful, and unlike you, I didn’t recognize it at the time. I blamed myself for everything, got super anxious, OCD skyrocketed, it was horrible, and i was horrible to be around. I don’t know that I have any advice, but I applaud you for having the self-awareness to see what’s going on and not turn the blame inward. It’s been 4 years since I left and I feel like I’m finally no longer beating myself up. (Perception v reality isn’t my strong suit when it comes to this stuff.)

Be confident in your work, your intelligence, your output. Stand firm on the things that you know are right, and be flexible and engaging when you can. But for this type of personality, I’d advise you to hold firm to who you are. When you start to do the mental gymnastics of trying to second guess his actions and your behavior and his reactions, you might as well call it, but that’s that moment that you will make yourself insane. Ask me how I know. Good luck and hang in there.

likesmart

I’m in therapy, that’s why I could see it. I don’t feel less worth because of his behaviour. But he has been telling people I’m inefficient, when in fact he should be the one managing his team better, by not bombarding me with minor corrections and last minute requests all the time.
Im hanging in there but I’m getting super anxious and stressed out. I’m trying to move to another account, which I think it might happen, but I’m concerned that other males in the company might think he is right. He is so awful that he convinces new preys every time, like he has a new one now, after I stared drawing some lines. It’s always a female, with serious life issues or somehow insecure and vulnerable and very likely to accept all his “help”, before he starts crashing them. When I psychologically detached from him, he started to retaliate me.
I just don’t know how to escape this whole situation without being accusative when talking to our manager and without losing good references in case I need to leave my job.

Yes and I went to HR and reported him. Many people had complained about him so he was fired a few months later. If you can document everything and talk to HR so there’s a paper trail. Chances are you’re not the only one he’s treating badly. Good luck!

like

Ugh he sounds horrible. Start taking notes maybe during his critiques. Some people should not be bosses.

A female boss. Yes. I’m in therapy.

like

Good for you that you are in therapy! It helps a lot!

its not personal, its an unhappy, unhealthy person! hang in there

like

Thank you! Just trying not to let him sink in my mind too much.

Female boss for me too. Was awful, gave me so much anxiety.

Previous boss was a guy — no issues. Great working relationship.

like

I’ve had it twice in my career - one male and one female. It’s awful. Keep in mind HR’s responsibility is to protect the company, not you. Unfortunately, this business has no real protections for when people with power over your ability to pay your mortgage to not engage with you properly for legitimate or illegitimate reasons. I’ve found it best to let go and look to move versus fight to keep a role continuing to report into this person, and/or take the risk of reporting them. Sometimes this industry just really sucks. Sorry to hear you’re in it right now. Hope you find resolution.

likehelpful

Seconded: Female boss. Gah.

I guess it’s even worse

Related Posts

How do you 100% utilized folks try to network with other folks in at the firm if you’re always at client site? Trying to get some face time with them

like

Do you give the office manager (who does assist you with admin tasks from time to time) a christmas present (aka cash)? I have an admin assistant so that's an obvious yes but I don't know how to handle the office manager or receptionist!

like

Hi Fishes, I am ready to resign from my current organisation and I was wondering if I need to discuss this with my reporting manager first. I have never talked to my reporting manager , do I need to discuss with him before I resign or I should just do it in the portal directly.

like

Have a really good relationship with current company, but got an amazing offer and very likely gonna leave (signed the offer, waiting for all the background checks to come back). How do you tell your boss you are leaving the company (if boss is not a dick lol) and not ruin relationship?

like

What do I do if I’ve only worked one job (the one I’m currently at) and another company is asking for references? I could do professors from college but not sure if that’s a good idea. I wish I could give my current manager’s contact but I don’t want her knowing :/

like

What does everyone wear for client meetings in a WFH setting

like

What’s a pet peeve of yours that a coworker or client does? Mine is that my coworker says “ya know” after literally every sentence they say

funnylike

Manager asked me to give him formal upward feedback. Everyone in the firm hates him. Let loose the cannons or diplomacy?

like

When the senior who you thought was your buddy throws you under the bus to make himself look like manager material. This is like high-school all over again.

like

Ex consultant, currently in industry. BCG HR contacted me for a role, process was a lil messy and unprofessional. Still waiting for the “exploratory chat” she was supposed to set up with the MDP since 2 weeks ago. Texted on whatsapp but no response. Normal?

like

Anyone else’s love life so DRY that you find yourself having a crush on an older man at work who is in senior leadership? I keep it professional, but I feel like I’m doing something so bad by having this crush.

like

When you ask the intern to take meeting notes

Post Photo
likefunny

One of my coworkers has withheld information that's important to my research because of a personal conflict we had. Should I speak to management or is it his right?

like

I’m not from an English speaking country but I am watching a tv show and businessmen walk into a room and instead of greeting eachother, everyone says each person’s first name in lieu of hi, however in my experience working in the states, I haven’t seen anyone do this, it’s always hi or good afternoon or some other greeting first THEN they say their first name. is it also appropriate to omit the greeting?

like

Advice for attacking the data room and putting together my first sell-side disclosure schedules? (Baby M&A att’y 2 months in). I have an associate mentor who encourages me to flag items I don’t understand and will walk through them with me, but at this point, the only thing I understand is that I don’t even know what I don’t know and what I do know that I don’t know is basically everything.

like

If an employee files a complaint about workplace behavior, do you treat them differently? I'm faced with reporting an SM for bullying and finding it near imposible to believe that it won't (cont'd)

Day of remote interviews at a tech co for in-house. 5 YOE. Planning on wearing a suit. Tie or no tie?

like

I’m in a committed relationship and have realized I developed an elementary school level crush on a coworker. How do I kill the crush and maintain the friendship?

like

So my VP at my previous company felt bad and refused to speak to me or attend my farewell after my resignation. His reason was that I somehow betrayed his trust as he had promoted me just last year (after keeping the position open for 4 months and letting me take additional work load after the previous SM left!). Does this make any sense? I mean where does this sense of entitlement or ownership over the employees come from? No wonder the company in question is kind of facing a literal exodus!

likefunny

Have you ever snoop through your partner’s phone without them knowing? If so, did you find anything shocking?!

like

More Posts

I give the clients gold, but they decide instead, they want me to paint it with sh*t.

likefunny

Hi All, Any update on CTS work from home extension?

like

How many of us are working with just a bachelor's degree and how's it going? How many of us feel like/have experienced advanced degrees opening more/different doors?

like

For all the business/data analysts out there, do you ever feel like your job is draining you? Like it doesn't really make a difference, the work is really ambiguous or you never feel like you're doing a good enough job? I don't know if it would be different at another company, but I seriously don't understand why so many people are trying to break into this field. Maybe it just isn't for me.

like

I'm not in sales per se but I manage my company's largest wholesale account ($150 million per/yr account). It's a great company, awesome culture, good benefits, flexibility, but the pay is not great ($60K/yr). All the pros outweighed the mediocre pay, but now with inflation rising, my paycheck isn't going as far and I'm having a really hard time trying to figure out if I should start looking elsewhere or if I should ask my boss for a raise.

likehelpful

What would be a proper salary for a District manager with 22 locations?

like

So I have a meeting with a company tomorrow to get their official offer to be a BDR. It’s a tech company in PA, relatively LCOL area, their revenue is around $3-5 million a year. I have about a years experience. Any idea what I should expect? I know there’s a base and obviously bonus + commission but I don’t know the split %.

like

Hi All,

Kindly suggest which option to opt for

HCL 27LPA with 15% VP
TCS 22LPA with 2.5L VP

I know there are more difference with Salary in HCL but I am worried about Job Security and Work as I have already reached 12 plus of experience as .Net Developer. I am planning to settle down for few years. Kindly suggest which option to opt for.

like

Hey you guys! can somebody please help me answer these questions!

1. WonderWorks wants to increase hospitality sales by 25% in the next year. What are some sales and marketing strategies you would use to increase sales with our corporate partners? Outline a variety of paid and organic tactics you would use, indicating any potential costs that may accrue in your plan.

like

What’s your sales target for this year?

Hello, we've recently started a community focused on FAANG Interview preps. Wondering what kind of content people might be interested to see in such communities.

like

Has anyone here found success as a marketing consultant? I’m interested in one day becoming one and I’m curious what the timeline and type of experiences I should expect to go through before getting there.

like

And another one bites the dust

like

Has anyone here been stationed in Quantico? My partner is PCSing there in January. Where is a good place to live? We think the DC commute is too far.

like

I would like to learn more about development and real estate. Can anyone recommend any books or courses that you think are informative. Eventually I would like to own a few apartment buildings, but I know there is a lot I need to learn 1st. Any advice appreciated. 

like

For people who recently refinanced, bought or is in the process of buying a new home, what APR did you get?

like

Buying a new construction single fam house in PA suburbs. Already Signed the contract and Looking for a lender with lower interest rate. Anyone come across comparable lower IR lenders? Any insight is appreciated! :)

like

Pointers for putting in your two weeks (setting up a meeting, navigating the discussion, etc)? How do you go about it in the best way?

like

Please advice, which one should i choose. I am highly confused. Skill Scrum master 7 YOE.
Eaton Tiaa global business services Larsen & Toubro Infotech YASH Technologies Inc Mastercard Airtel

Post Photo
like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal