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Rising Star
so she thinks people with no experience and less motivation will do a better job than a paid professional. She want you to cut her hair, too. ? I mean if performance is based on how good a friend you are, she should be all for you wielding the Scissors day of....
Haha good point
I don’t think this is what DIY bride means. Plus she’s making you do it not herself. I was a DIY bride, I made my signage, invitations, favors, some decorations and had a big say in the design ideas overall. At least get a wedding coordinator. It will help so much. I was so glad I got one because half way through the wedding my fake eyelashes started to come off and they ran to CVS to get me an eyelash glue. Can you imagine you will be the one doing that mid ceremony?
Yea that’s partly why we didn’t wanna have our friends do too much during the wedding. Because these friends will be losing the opportunity to enjoy and celebrate us. I want them to be there as my friends. Not as a vendor. I want them to relax and enjoy and be happy with us on this special day and not work their ass off sweating profusely trying to pull everything together lol
Pro
if she wants to handle set up and tear down that’s on her. you guys are not obligated to do these things just because you’re in the wedding party that is WAY too big of an ask and frankly unfair because you won’t be able to properly enjoy yourself
Pro
coming from someone in the wedding industry btw. i have been on site many times for signage install and tear downs and can’t imagine the couple or their friends being responsible
Every time I gently ask her if she would like to hire this person or that person or look into that or that etc she gets frustrated and says she wants to be a DIY bride. I personally don’t want to spend my weekend taking out the trash, on a ladder doing flowers, doing everyone’s hair, making the cake etc. I really wouldn’t mind ANY of this if it was a money issue and us doing this work meant she could have her dream wedding. She’s just very type A and only trusts herself. No venders. I really want to know if I am the asshole for feeling a bit frustrated by her?
What?! What are people supposed to eat off of?! Is she expecting everyone to bring their own? She needs a serious come to Jesus meeting about her wedding. This sounds like someone who has cracked under the pressure. You and all her friends who she expects to work at her wedding need to talk and get on the same page and talk to her. No offense to your friend, but this sounds insane.
Rising Star
Not your job and she is crazy. Almost every venue requires a day of coordinator inless it is a full service venue that provides everything including a coordinator. Is this an at her home wedding?
I’m sure your bridesmaids are so appreciative
This should not be the expectation. I would explain that you're not going to do this and that if she doesn't want to do it herself, she should pay someone. It's likely difficult to deliver that message, so I wish you the best of luck :)
For context I didn't have many vendors, but my bridal party and I only did 3 small things together: sprinkled some flower petals, tied ribbons on 6 flower stems, and placed a few papers on the reserved chairs. I didn't ask anything else of them for setup or teardown.
Agreed. You can’t control her decisions, but you can control what you agree to. Tell her what you can and cannot do. To soften it, you could explain WHY you cannot do X, Y, Z things, in the context of her best interest, e.g., this is such an important day and you’re not comfortable trying to do something so important (like flowers) when you don’t have any idea how to drive a successful outcome. Or you want to spend the day celebrating her and it will be impossible to do this if you’re also doing the full-time job of wedding planner, event coordinator, florist, beautician, etc.
You can be less gentle and more blunt with her about the fact that she’s setting herself up for a genuine disaster of a wedding. Whatever money she does spend will be wasted on a day of failures, stress, tears, and likely fights between her and her friends who are trying to do jobs for which they are neither qualified nor experienced.
If you suspect budget is a concern, you could go above and beyond by finding wedding budgets with vendor allocations for a variety of budget sizes. I’m sure this info exists online.
If she still won’t hear you, all you can do is set your own boundaries around what you will do and what you will not do.
I don't think you're wrong at all to be frustrated! Sure, any bridal party will have duties, but those duties should also be things that are laid out clearly from the beginning and made into a discussion vs. an expectation so that everyone can be on the same page and understand what they're getting into with the role. It seems really unfair to place those roles (where professional vendors exist for a reason!) on your shoulders.
I just wanted to say: thank you guys so much for affirming me. I really felt like I was a bad friend for starting to resent her. I will try to build up courage to talk to her. Another part of me is like oh well if her wedding sucks it sucks and it’s her fault at this point. (Sorry I know that’s mean). I wish I knew the other bridesmaids so I could confide in them and see if they were feeling similarly but I’ve talked to the other 2 girls maybe twice ever.
Rising Star
You nip this and you will be their new BFFs. I guarantee they are thinking the same thing. Tell your friend you need their numbets. You are the MOH. Strength in numbers!
The problem with the ..if it sucks, it's on her view, is unless you really push back, it will be partly on you.