Hi everyone! Today I had my performance review with my boss. She said it was a glowing review, however there was a line in the review that triggered me and I'm trying to think of ways to approach her about removing the line and why its offensive to me as a black woman. Said line is below:
" people are afraid of you because you have such a strong personality"
How would you approach having the discussion. I'm the person you go to if you want something done efficiently and timely in the team.

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Toe a fine line—confronting the issue, if not delicate, will only reinforce whatever narrative she has cast. Perhaps asking her to refine in a way that you can address constructively, such as specific actions or behaviors, instead of your “personality.” We do have strong personalities, and it’s often a survival mechanism that makes you a high performer. Be careful not to let emotions speak for you.

likesmart

1. I'm so sorry. That can't feel great.

2. Make your manager a partner in this. I don't know the comfort level between you two, but I hope you can be honest about the sense that as a black woman you worry it may be some unintentional misreading of you and your aims at work..

But even if you don't feel you can go there, you can definitely bring up the fact that in a performance review, personality isn't really actionable. Are there specific things you're doing that people are interpreting this way? The point is for your glowing review to help you glow harder next time. That kind of feedback is not going to translate into better performance, so it might not be a great fit for your review.

likesmart

That’s a tough one, and I hate that you have to navigate that, something that isn’t a fault of your own.

However, I think an effective approach is simply calling it out, and providing that cultural context to support how that language and that framing is a trigger for you, both personally and professionally.

From there, maybe you can provide some solutions that work for you, without vilifying you, while also addressing the fears of those on your team?

likesmart

Yeah what’s the update here? How’d it go?

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I’m hella late but just wanted to say she big tripping. And I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself! Even just by posting this in the bowl

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