Hi ladies, currently 6 months pregnant and the MIL is coming to "help" and stay with us for 6 months when the baby is born. I also have a toddler. While help is greatly appreciated, not sure if I need her to comment on everything and kind of take over the house like she did last time. In Indian culture it's also harder to set boundaries or simply ask her to leave .. not really looking forward tbh, any advice from anyone with similar experiences?

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

Say you don’t want her there or definitely shorten the trip. Your husband should be the one communicating this all as a united front. Not you 🩷

like

What do you want? That’s what matters. You only get this time with your newborn once. Tradition doesn’t need to be continued when it’s detrimental to the mother of the newborn. Please tell your husband what you need and ask him to have that conversation with his mom.

I did this (in-laws are not Indian but Chinese) and they took it much better than we thought because they want a great relationship with their grandchild, and my SIL backed us up by telling her parents that we were being reasonable.

like

I’m Nigerian and in as much as tradition dictates one grand parent to be around and assist, I communicated to my husband what I would and wouldn’t accept. And he sternly communicated this to his mom. We haven’t had any major issues and some days she’ll want to suggest or over suggest but that’s my indicator to tap the hubs to remind her. Sometimes he’ll preemptively do the talking as he sees things happen. Let your husband lead the convo and enforce it when she becomes “overbearing”.

Whoooh do I know ALL about this! I'm married to an Indian, and unfortunately I also had a terrible PP experience with my first because of her presence and "help." I counted down the days until she left. It took a whole year for me to recover from all the resentment I had built up. It was so so bad, and I could write a book about it.

She is back now that baby #2 is here, and it's been 3 months. I have to say, it's been an entirely different experience this time because 1) I found my voice and 2) my toddler keeps her very busy so I can (finally) focus on the baby.

My MIL is actually very sweet and considerate, but that doesn't mean I have to agree to everything she does (like I didlast time). So now if she does something that bothers me, I just point blank tell her in one sentence what I don't want her to do, what I don't like, etc. I'm not rude about it, and the best part about this is she mostly keeps her opinions to herself now, and she respects me and my husband's boundaries. No more resentment either because I'm not letting her "run" my family and household. 100% highly recommend or you're just setting the stage for what you will continue to tolerate for years to come.

Feel free to DM. Good luck!

We must be living the same life because Holy Moly, my situation is exactly the same! My husband keeps telling me to speak up for myself as well because he's not home all the time. I'm trying to learn/work on that

Related Posts

I’m about to start an internship at IBM for UX Research. I’m super excited about it, and was wondering if anyone could tell me about the design culture there or how the company is for designers? So far online I’ve only heard about the company from consultants or software engineers. For more reference I’ll be working in Austin.

like

What do you think of the Saint Laurent baby uptown bag in white with gold hardware?

like

I have $100K liquid cash over and above maxing out 401K, HSA, College fund, investments in Index funds and emergency fund. I plan to leave $25K for contingency. Of the $75K is it wise if I purchase I bonds worth $30K (myself, spouse, kid)? Current combined rate is 9.62 Does anyone foresee the interest rate drastically reducing? I don’t intend to cash them out before 5 years.

Hi Fishes, I'm a SDET with 6 years of experience in Python Automation with Selenium having multiple offers. Can anyone please help me to choose one best offer from below with respect to work culture, flexible hours, wlb for female employees?

Zesta Solutions - 19 LPA (10% VP) & Hybrid
Unify Technologies - 20 LPA Fixed & WFH
EY - 20 LPA Fixed & Hybrid
Concentrix - 20 LPA Fixed & WFH
Global logic - 26 LPA Fixed & Hybrid
Value labs - 26 LPA Fixed & WFH
Cyber ark - 30 LPA Fixed & Hybrid

like

Hi Fishes,

How is culture at Hexaware ? Especially there Central Bid Management or RFP team?

Can I live comfortably in Dubai on 25k a month? With wife and kid too?

like

Hardest part of navigating maternity leave and WLB as a junior partner?

like

Curious, what is your company's paid parental leave policy?

like

How is Google from a pregnancy/maternity support standpoint? Considering applying for a role, but likely will aim to have a child within the next year. Would they be accommodating? Do people usually come back from maternity leave into the same role or a different role?

like

Is anyone from this bowl working at 6sense?

If yes, please share some info regarding work culture, Work life balance, job security and employee benefits.

Thanks in advance, fishes.

like

Anyone here works in blackrock alternative investors group? How’s the culture and career progression like?

like

Have competing offers from EY and KPMG UK Economic advisory teams( Manager/Snr Exec level). KPMG's UK technical rep and comp offer is better, but the hours appear longer. EY UK Director has had several calls selling culture (diversity and work life balance). Is there actually a substantive emphasis on this by EY? Or are 50+ hour weeks quite common?

I suspect it's going to be quite team dependent/ project dependent, and therefore a gamble in any case.

Thanks for any perspectives.

Do you think it's worth rejecting offer of A for offer of B who is paying 2lakh more than A??
(Please note CTC bracket is 11-20)

In both company work profile is same & I don't have idea about work culture as I got mixed review from colleagues.

Hi, would like some opinions on M&C Saatchi NY. Culture, hours, people and creativity there. Thanks!

like

Any OW EA's on the board? What is the culture like?

like

Hi, I got an offer for ETL tester in LTI Delhi. Can any one say how is work life balance and culture of the company. And how is CITI bank client in LTI.

likesmart

Creative directors: what, in your opinion, is the best way to handle work in a marketing agency? What is the culture at your agency like?

like

Hello S& 🐠! I was just approached by a recruiter for a senior associate role on the TMT Corp and business strategy team. Wanted to get a sense of the team, company, culture, comp expectations. Really any candid insight would be great! (I’m 2.5 years out of undergrad, ex-EY Parthenon, current on a strategy team at a large tech company)
Thanks a ton in advance!

like

Hi Fishes, I am looking to switch. I have 6+ years of experience in Java, Spring boot, Microservices and AWS. Can you please suggest companies with a good work culture and wlb. I am currently working with Hitachi Vantara.

like

More Posts

Monsters under the bed aren’t real. But gremlins under the table are

Post Photo
likefunnyuplifting

Hi fishes,
I left Deloitte month but i have not received any full and final settlement and release documents. How much time does it take for Deloitte to process. My concern is with release documents more after resignation I have not received any email from Deloitte on my personal ID in next organisation i need releasing letter. Please provide your valuable insights.

Thanks

like

Got an email for CTC restructuring. updated letter is not shared yet, any idea what changes have been made to variable component?

like

Hello fishes,
I need referral for a role at @CommonWealth Bank of Australia
Can anyone help me out ?

like

Friends - comp talk thread. Level, base increase %, promotion % (if applicable), bonus %, go!

like

Anyone else getting rejected because their salary expectation is too high? I’ve applied to multiple jobs where they outright reject me because my ask is 20k, 30k, 50k+ above what they’re willing to pay. What should I do in these situations?

like

Is SAS institute a good company for a sales role or is the company dying slowly?

like

How many are turned off by Peter’s behaviors?

likesmart

Please like 11 to open dms.

likehelpful

Got offered a Cartier Santos w/ box at $2350 and was wondering if I should pull the trigger. Only thing is that it’s the Quartz version

like

Hello,
Does internal transfer happen in EY GDS service line? I am in International Tax and not liking it here just within a couple of months of joining. It’s a lot of back office work that is very frustrating and stressful. Have experience of Individual tax (US) for a little over 2 years and an EA. Also, does the pay scale vary?

like

Anyone know what “premium cash pay” means on a check? I randomly just got 717$ on my check unexpectedly for that allocation.

Hi team. Hope you all are well and safe.
I will be joining Accenture in two weeks, want to get some understanding on the current policy on remote work and return to office date if there is one.
I am currently in Seattle, WA, USA.
Thank you!

like

Got an offer to be an Associate Brand Manager client side at an entertainment company (you’ve heard of them). Worried I’ll be forever stuck in ridiculously expensive coastal cities.

like

What is average CTC for Scrum Master with 13 years experience in IT and 5+ years as scrum master

like

How much in hand salary can I expect with this salary structure?

Post Photo
like

During 2016, I was selected for wipro as a fresher undergone training, but I did not clear the training exams, so wipro terminated me.During tht time I created NSR profile, after tht I joined another MNC as fresher. I never mentioned wipro exp as previous exp anywhere. Now recently I got a offer frm wipro. here also I did not tell that I was earlier termined by wipro.If wipro asks me to provide NSR details during my joining, does NSR have my previous exp in their db? Does it affect my joining with wipro?

like

Trying to avoid paying an accountant, can I actually write off home office space/mileage if I was just permalancing for 3 months last year? Shouldn’t the 7 months of W2 take care of this 1099 shit?

Anyone stayed at the Round Hill in Jamaica? If so, thoughts?

like

Additional Posts in We're Pregnant!

What are your opinions on prenatal genetic testing? Would you recommend doing it? I’m very hesitant about taking it

like

Did you/would you get booster during pregnancy?

like

Creating my registry, what are some must haves to put on it! Doing Amazon and Target, thanks for the help in advance.

like

Almost 18 weeks pregnant with no end in sight for fatigue and nausea. This week, my brain has added the stress of who will watch my toddler while I go into labor. Husband I have no family nearby and don’t want them to fly out and come stay with us either. What’s everyone else in similar situations doing?

like

Currently 16 weeks with an inconsistent bump. Sometimes is noticeable and other times it’s not, anyone experienced this? Currently it went back to almost non existent and am worried

Bump is now getting bigger at 16 weeks and planning on adding a moisturizer for belly. Any recommendation?Just saw an ad for Frieda mom’s pregnancy moisturizer. Anyone tried it and is it pregnancy safe?

like

LA moms to be: Any physical stores specifically in LA or SoCal that I could see items up-close and personal? Big box stores or boutiques are both welcomed. 🌴 (I already got BuyBuy, Target, etc)

like

Took Diclegis today based on the group recommendations and just want to stop by really quick and give a big shout out to the angel who recommended it. I was literally living a death situation with the nausea today and that really picked me up and made me feel human again. Thanks

likeuplifting

I know this may sound like a question but I'm not sure how far along am I. My last mense was we 8/2. My embryo transfer was 8/23. I did my blood test on 9/1 and it was positive. How do I know how many weeks am I?

like

I was two weeks late for my period and was going to take a pregnancy test this weekend. However this morning I felt cramps and had a little bleeding..... I still have some mild cramps that go in and out. I'm so scared... Would a test be accurate? Could I have miscarried? I did message my doctor but they're closed until next week.

likehelpful

I’m around 21 weeks and have been dealing with a lot of leg, tailbone, back, and general muscle pain. Since I do work long hours Monday- Wednesday (10hr +) I’m trying find a comfortable chair to switch to. Any recommendations? Currently I’m switching every hour or so between my kneeling chair and standing.

When in your pregnancy did you (1) purchase life insurance and (2) have a will drawn up?

like

Anyone have to retake their NIPT test? My results came back as insufficient quantify and I’m freaking out. I’m 11.5 weeks. Not a high BMI or anything so I’m worried something is wrong with my baby

like

Hi everyone, have a noob question here. When did you share the pregnancy news with your employer? Not sure when it’s optimal to do that. :)

like

Has anyone been successful in negotiating the schedule on a global pregnancy bill? My provider won't bill by visit and split the global cost into four payments all due by the 28th week. I don't understand how that's legal since it is so off the calendar of services and crosses calendar years (and insurance coverage), where most costs are incurred at the end of pregnancy with increased visit frequency and delivery.

What are you all reading other than maternity help books? Any book recommendations for after baby is born? Mainly around how to keep the baby safe from injuries and incidents.

like

Ladies, did you put on make up before your delivery for photo purposes?

like

Need advice: 30 Weeks and feel like third trimester has been an emotional rollercoaster. Get upset very easily and any small comment made by my husband makes me cry. Tonight I was by myself for dinner and could not stop crying and feeling anxious, scared and alone. I don’t know if this is depression or just hormonal. Has anyone felt like this ever or I should take it more seriously and talk to my provider about it in my next visit?

like

Is it normal to pay for monthly OB visits while pregnant? I have BCBS and thought they would be covered 100%?

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal