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Say you don’t want her there or definitely shorten the trip. Your husband should be the one communicating this all as a united front. Not you 🩷
What do you want? That’s what matters. You only get this time with your newborn once. Tradition doesn’t need to be continued when it’s detrimental to the mother of the newborn. Please tell your husband what you need and ask him to have that conversation with his mom.
I did this (in-laws are not Indian but Chinese) and they took it much better than we thought because they want a great relationship with their grandchild, and my SIL backed us up by telling her parents that we were being reasonable.
I’m Nigerian and in as much as tradition dictates one grand parent to be around and assist, I communicated to my husband what I would and wouldn’t accept. And he sternly communicated this to his mom. We haven’t had any major issues and some days she’ll want to suggest or over suggest but that’s my indicator to tap the hubs to remind her. Sometimes he’ll preemptively do the talking as he sees things happen. Let your husband lead the convo and enforce it when she becomes “overbearing”.
Whoooh do I know ALL about this! I'm married to an Indian, and unfortunately I also had a terrible PP experience with my first because of her presence and "help." I counted down the days until she left. It took a whole year for me to recover from all the resentment I had built up. It was so so bad, and I could write a book about it.
She is back now that baby #2 is here, and it's been 3 months. I have to say, it's been an entirely different experience this time because 1) I found my voice and 2) my toddler keeps her very busy so I can (finally) focus on the baby.
My MIL is actually very sweet and considerate, but that doesn't mean I have to agree to everything she does (like I didlast time). So now if she does something that bothers me, I just point blank tell her in one sentence what I don't want her to do, what I don't like, etc. I'm not rude about it, and the best part about this is she mostly keeps her opinions to herself now, and she respects me and my husband's boundaries. No more resentment either because I'm not letting her "run" my family and household. 100% highly recommend or you're just setting the stage for what you will continue to tolerate for years to come.
Feel free to DM. Good luck!
We must be living the same life because Holy Moly, my situation is exactly the same! My husband keeps telling me to speak up for myself as well because he's not home all the time. I'm trying to learn/work on that