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How do you deal with ambiguous feedback?
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Pretend you forgot and hope they never ask again
^disagree - you don't want to deal with the outcome of this. Instead I would just say that you don't have the bandwidth to be able to do a recommendation that you would feel proud of, or that you're not sure that you're the best person to speak about someone's strengths. Deff say you're flattered. Also, another way out of this is to ask them what strengths they would want someone to accentuate, and then say you can't speak to those, or write a letter based on them.
Be honest and forthright. Say something like “I’m flattered that you asked; however I’m not comfortable writing one for you at this time.” If they ask why, feel free to share some tactful feedback about why you have the perspective you’ve got; it may be a learning experience for them.
Lying to them isn’t going to get you out of it. They’ll still know the reason you’re “too busy,” and you’ll miss an opportunity to provide them with helpful feedback.
If you have to lie, you’re avoiding something. You should be able to have honest conversation about performance with people you work with.
Write it so bad they won’t use it.
Yo ma dawg jimmy is the shizzle ma nizzle if you be looking for the type of human that can do the thing you want him to do for you for money then let me tell you that this is going to be totally exactly what he does in his own special way. Up top. Yeeahhh boi.
👆this
I have done this for people I did not work with directly to help them with their next opportunity. I typically reach out to those that have and take their highlights and reword them. I do not lie or puff them up in a way that is untrue. I don’t think this approach will reduce your integrity.
If you really don’t think the person has anything to offer maybe have constructive conversation with them to go over areas of improvement. They should realize that a recommendation is unlikely given the circumstance and hopefully appreciate your honesty and willingness to help them.
SR1, neuroscience and sociology and psychology studies have shown that this is not how people are receptive to feedback. They're asking for a reco not feedback on their performance, somewhat similar but absolutely not the same. People are truly receptive to feedback only when they ask for it or at the very minimum, if you ask them if they're interested in receiving some at this time. This whole reco thing also depends on the power and rank context.
OP, what is your relationship to the person asking you for feedback? Are they a peer or subordinate to you? Are they in the same department / function as you?
I was asked to be one for someone more senior than me who kinda screwed up at my company. I barely knew her. So, I was honest... “I don’t think I’m the person to do this. We just didn’t work together very much. Maybe someone else in my department who worked with you more closely would be able to offer better examples of your strengths.” Something like that anyway.
Just write it about their strengths – no matter what they are. Think of yourself as a real estate agent. The co-worker gets mad all the time? Phrase it as he's extremely passionate. If you don't like working with them, this will help them get out.
Sorry, asking you for a *recommendation
^ Or, that! 😂😂😂😂😂
AD1, it depends on the culture. I work in a feedback oriented culture; if it’s one of the more fake or indirect political cultures, I can see how honesty might be a liability.
SR1, you misunderstand. I never meant or implied being dishonest or jeopardizing honesty. I'm talking about time and place for feedback and at the very least asking the person if they're interested in receiving feedback.
As far as OP's specific question, I can offer my opinion when I know more about the nuance of the situation.
Ignore.