How would you feel about dating/marrying someone with far less career ambition and drive? My partner works for the Gov and for him career is not a huge priority, he doesn't want to work after 5/6pm. I'm Ok with that because he is really nice in every other aspect, even though I'm aware I will have to pay a higher % of the cost if we travel or ever share apartment ( I like nice things & comfort). I aspire to get to a directive role and I'm Ok with working very hard for it. Nowadays we split 50/50

likesmart
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at
Highlighted IconHIGHLIGHTED

0 issues with it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being someone who doesn't want to run the rat race or climb the corporate ladder. If that's what your partner is like, more power to them. It might be an issue for *you*, but don't put that on your partner. Some people work to live, some people live to work, and that's fine.

When my wife and I got married, I was early in my career and she, as a teacher, made within a couple grand of what I made, so we split everything 50/50. Fast forward to now, I'm on track to make approximately 8x what she makes this year, and I pay for the majority of our family and household expenses. It is what it is, no reason to be resentful of her being in a capped career field.

As a side note, tangentially related to OP's topic for those unfamiliar with government pay scales, government pay often has no correlation with your responsibilities, especially as you go up the food chain. I was a fed for a period and capped out as a GS-15 running an org of ~275 people (+ >500 contractors) and over $750M of programs...for the princely wage of ~$175k. That's far, far more responsibility than any SC/M level person making that same amount of money is ever going to have, and more than most execs and senior execs in consulting will ever have, too. It might not be the case for OP's partner, but it is a real thing in the govt space for compensation to ≠ responsibility.

like

Closer to $900k than $600k, and I'm no longer at Booz, but yes, $600k is solidly in the SVP comp range

like

I make 5 times what my wife makes. Who cares? People contribute to relationships in different ways.

likesmart
Recent IconRecent

I think there is the risk of growing resentment on your end. You might find more alignment with someone at or above your own socio-economic level.

likefunny

She should have known this about herself by now

like

It really only matters how it feels to you, no? You're going to find a myriad of opinions on this but the only one who can make that call is you. Some people marry lower paid people. Some marry same. Others marry higher paid. If you have to ask strangers, maybe there's another issue.

like

C1, I also think that's absurd. In many cases the bread winner could only be so because of the time put in by the spouse at home with the kids and house. Difference is that person can't get any of that time back in a divorce settlement. For some reason, in this country, the breadwinner starts thinking their monetary earnings were just there's and the spouses other sacrifices now have no value.

Seems pretty laughable. And to repeat, I make about 285 and my wife makes 60 so I know what being the higher earner is like. I just don't think my contributions to the household are more valuable just because i contribute more money.

like

Personally I wouldn’t have a problem with it. But if you have to ask on here then it sounds like it could end up being a problem for you.

like

My oldest son had high ambition and didn't want children. He had to marry someone with the same life goals or it simply wouldn't work. He became an SVP at 39 and she is a VP, both for brands that anyone would recognize and they are amazing together. They're both super down to earth and amazing humans but honestly, neither of them would be happy with someone they couldn't relate to at that level. Just something to think about.

like

Making more money or obtaining job titles doesnt make someone ambitious.

Never met a person in my life who was old and wished they spent more time working.

like

I married someone who was a serial entrepreneur but unfortunately was more interested in drinking than putting in the actual work required to make that successful. Money was ALWAYS an issue. We are divorced and those years really set me back financially and I have to do some serious catching up for retirement. If I ever start dating again the person must be at or above the same level as I am because I am not interested in supporting another grown-ass adult.

like

I will say, it is very nice to have someone to come home to and take on other responsibilities that you would otherwise not be able to do eg making dinner and keeping the house clean (would need to hire out if both worked extreme hours). There are other things to consider that add so much value than just their job and working hours…

like

My husband has always made less. Through a series of business re-orgs and RIFs, I now make less than I did 20 years ago while my husband's salary has steadily increased and we are essentially making the same now. I'm glad he never put in the hours and sacrificed the way I have because he is a happier person for it. No one lays on their deathbed wishing they worked harder. Real, meaningful relationships are most important.

like

This is poignant

like

I couldn't do it tbh

Deloitte, best response ever

like

Date someone that is compatible with you in all aspects of life. Simple as that.

Consultant 2, let’s not shame OP for asking for the wisdom of this group (who know all too well about this issue) before deciding what she wants to do.

OP, based on these comments it sounds to me like the issue isn’t that you’ll be the breadwinner, but that you and your SO want different things out of life. He wants easy-going and you are more ambitious. Ain’t no shame in that, but it does mean that as the hills get higher to climb and life gets tougher, which it inevitably does as you partner up and children and aging parents and mortgages come into the mix, the difference in your values may grow more and more stark.

To me, it’s not about wanting all the same things, but it is about a baseline of mutual respect and then excellent communication so you two can grow together. If he understands why you are the way you are and he appreciates it even if it’s not his path - and you do the same for him - then you two will be OK because you will keep talking about it and you will work through it.

However, the true test of this will be when you have children and he is un/willing to take on more of the domestic duties because he is the default spouse to do so. That is the logical end state of this setup - if you are bringing home, the bacon and then you have to play wifey because his ego won’t allow him to flex more in the domestic space, then you two are doomed. Or perhaps that will be the point where he says, hey I just don’t want to be striving, I’m not willing to step up to support your career just because I chose to make less $$ - and that’s ok too, but you’re then looking at a messy exit since you’ll be so intertwined by then.

And less about the family stuff… You either listen to that stuff and orient your life around their expectations, or you smile politely and say thanks so much for your perspective! and go about your day. Easier to say than to do but think about what it would mean to take their advice on board…

Good luck, this is THE stuff at this age and given your career. You will figure it out!

like

Most men would not have a problem with that, but women typically want to “marry up”

Who? Men or women?

Related Posts

I’ve very fortunate to have a new job. I wanted WFH, but I guess it wasn’t in the cards. Do you think people who work from home are that much happier?

likesmarthelpfulupliftingfunny

Hello Team,

Please let me know how to remove CID from Accenture portal. I appiled in Accenture through a referral but now status is showing as " we don't have suitable position". Thanks

like

Hey all, started my role as a recruiter at an agency recently and had my first placement! It was great until the candidate wants to renegotiate the base and benefits after the current company counter-offered when the candidate no longer sees the future. Any tips on what to say to bring back to focus? The current role is a Sr. Acct Receivable (less than 2yr) and going into collections specialist at a global law firm.

like

I'm looking for referral for EY GDS. For Salesforce Developer/ Sr. Salesforce Developer profile. YOE - 5 Can someone please refer me.EY

like

I was contacted by a recruiter with a job in the EV market, which is something I've been wanting for a while. Im at a comfortable point in my current position where I can do my job very easily, change would mean starting from zero again. What should I do? Any advise?

like

Have an offer from AWS for an L7 Principal PMT role: $215k base + $275k sign on bonus for Year 1 and $215k for year 2 + 5100 RSUs (@ $130 / share). This is the initial offer; where is there room for negotiation? Base or Sign on Bonus or RSUs? I realize it's a good offer, but I'm looking for: $225k base + existing sign on + 5500 RSUs. Does that sound like a decent counter?

like

I was hired and initial expections from Hiring manager was to do automation for functional team of which I have expertise. However I am moved in a team where They given me already set product outcome data and wanted me to fix the bug in it.

No on job training/ overview. Directly in production. Although Manager has asked to take time and do it but i feel anxious to do it. How do I deal with it? Any suggestion will be helpful.

Skill: ETL (Alteryx)

like

How much should be expected in Barclays with 11 yoe

Position open is for AVP

like

Just received an offer with expected / standard salary for role but no signing or relocation bonus. They know I don’t have any other offers which is why I assume they didn’t offer any signing bonus - do I have any chance of getting one without “leverage”?

likehelpful
like

New to Product Owner role.

What is the max salary product owner can get in Canada! And what are the factors that determine the salary for product owner

likesmart

Hi everyone,
Need an help in getting referred to a position in Wipro
Please help at the earliest,i have the relavant job ID.

like

Hi I have an interview with JP Morgan for Devops SRE role. Please help with what kind of questions can be asked ? Thanks

like

LTI is Hiring for below Oracle - BU positions

Need immediate to 30 days joiners only

Location: Bangalore/Mumbai/Pune/Hyderabad/Chennai

JDE CNC
YOE :4 - 10 Yrs
Skill : CNC

JDE Finance Functional
YOE: 4 - 10 Yrs
Skill : FUNCTIONAL-FINANCE

OCC (Oracle Commerce cloud)
YOE: 4 - 10 Yrs
Skill :OCC

Oracle Flexcube
YOE :4 - 10 Yrs
Skill: FLEXCUBE

Oracle CPQ CLoud
3-5 years of experience in Oracle CPQ Implementation & Support
location - Mumbai

Interested plz DM with job codes

Post Photo
like

Saw FCB is hiring. How is it there? Down to grab/coffee or a drink with anyone (preferably creatives) that works there! DM me.

like

I am looking for part time freelance/contract, remote, mid level copywriting work! If there are any suggestions of great recruiters, places to work or you know of someone hiring please let me know! Thanks.

like

NYS
I work for NYS, I have been able to get interviews for the next step up position, I'm currently an 18, I would like to move to a 23. What are good interview strategies to use when looking for a promotion.

like

Hi Fishes,

How is the
Samsung SSIR memory team? I'm about to get the offer this week for a firmware validation specialist role. Are they flexible to give WFH?

Hi,

Can someone refer me for the People Business Partner, Retail role at Apple. I have 10 yrs of work experience, have worked for a management consulting firm, one of the Big 4s and a great place to work.

like

Hi guys,

I got selected in
Google for the role of cloud application development engineer. I have 3 years of experience as a full stack Java angular developer.
Can anyone help me with the general CTC for this experience range?

like

More Posts

Hi ,
As this is my first month and hopefully I am going to get my first salary in ZS...
Please let me know as when can we expect to see/get out payslip and when will the amount get credited??

like

It's March, and I have done a lot of seminars in Jan and Feb. I've gotten a few clients but would like to increase AUM drastically! Any books, sites or advice on what I can do for marketing?

like

Hey Fishes,

Is
ServiceNow offering full time remote option to new joiners? Anyone recently joined, how is the experience? ServiceNow

Hey fishes- can someone please help me to understand how much time bny takes to process the offer letter after all discussions are done. For me it's been more than a month and still they say we are on it.

like
like

Partners, what are some of the most memorable and effective ways/reasons your team has asked for more comp? If someone is a high performer/emerging talent, what is the typical comp increase you’ve approved?

like

Are we on recession? My portfolio is super down - low cost ETF investor here

like

Sys admin (security) role in Zoho- chennai (hometown) with 6.5lpa
Or Information security executive role in Asian paints (9lpa)- Mumbai.
Which one should I choose. Please suggest your opinions.

like

Hello all. Senior Data Scientist here who just moved to Massachusetts.

like

Any openings on manual testing for 3+.
Kidney dm me

like

Hey Fishes,

Can anyone refer me for the role of Senior Analyst- Government & Infrastructure Domain.

I am a graduate of NIT Nagpur, class of 2019. Thereafter, I worked with L&T as a Senior Planning Engineer for 2 years.

Thanks in advance!!!

like

Anyone have recs for a Nephrologist/Kidney doc?

like

Hi there can anyone tell me what a day in the life of a health unit coordinator is like and is it a step up from a regular CSR job or lateral move?

like

Can anyone please help me to figure out how much is fixed and how much variable?

Post Photo

What clients does Nagarro have? Indian? US? European? Spreaded accross the world?

like

2 part question:

- Does anyone know who Accenture uses for their 3rd party background checks?
- If i allow them to contact my current employer, do they still ask for W2’s and Paystubs?

like

How is PWC SDC external audit practice? I am Chartered Accountant with 2.5 YOE. Currently working with EY GDS as Senior and have offer letter from PWC SDC of 17.75 and offering Senior Associate 2. Any folks here from PWC SDC who can help me to decide please.

AWS devops engineer without devops experience but 7 months of training in all required tools like Kubernetes, Docker, etc, how much can be expected? Total experience in Operations 3 years. Package 6Lac.

Tags - HCL Technologies Tata Consultancy Accenture India Wipro AWS IBM Oracle Infosys

like

Additional Posts in Consulting

Laid off, any tips on how to gain experience/sharpen resume while job searching? I was in a project management support analyst role/ Venture capital sales role. I’m thinking of getting certifications to increase marketability

likefunny

Who knew world peace would be so easily achievable.. all you gotta do is live with a pandemic ✌🏼(the UN continues to be a JoKe)

Post Photo
like

A couple of team members have rephrased what I just said during meetings. What’s a good way to acknowledge it and ask them why they are repeating what I’ve just said?

likehelpful

They say Never judge a book by its cover.

Post Photo
likefunny

New to NYC and looking for a good OBGYN and dentist... any recommendations that are covered by EY insurance? And work Fridays? So hard with all of the travel!

like

I miss Fly-Day. I would be working on my fifth or sixth cocktail by now and texting my driver the flight arrival information.

likefunny

May be this is off the topic..
One of my friend who is a doctor & is an international med graduate. He passed his United States Medical Licensing Exams with above average scores. He has applied fr the match last yr & was nt able to match. Match process costs around USD10k; this year he is applying again after borrowing funds frm different sources bt he is under tremendous pressure to get match. I feel his pain as he has studied for 10+ yrs and is struggling to match nw. I m nt sure hw I can help

like

Shall I disclose reason for leaving a firm during my initial call with a recruiter from said firm, if I was laid off? Are they privy to that information. Ironically being recruited by that same firm

like

Does anybody have good electric standing desk recommendations? Ideally in the $200-300 range.

like

Since we’ve all been working from home for months now, what’s the best office chair out that y’all are using for our long work from home hours? Looking to invest in a better one than my ~$150 one from Amazon.

like

What is the value in professional certifications? ACCA, CFA, CIPD, etc.

like

Question from a newbie consultant - What are some good online courses/ books to improve consulting skills?

like

Fellow fasting fish, how do you maintain energy when we can’t have coffee or water? I’ve been cracking windows, showering first thing, and using certain essential oils 😅 trying not to yawn on these morning video calls!

like

How to deal with being rejected from a consulting job you want?

We've all been there (not just me I hope). It's so frustrating when the consulting one is a tough hill to climb. Has joining a smaller management consulting firm ever worked out for anyone?

I'd like to hope one day I could get into big 4 or even MBB.

like

Consulting firms, how does your company use utilization as a performance metric? And what are your targets (e.g, Junior practitioners vs senior)

like

Beside toastmasters, what are other ways to improve communication and public speaking skills? Books, podcasts...?

like

My manager gave me feedback that I need to be more articulate overall and improve on my presentation skills. When I asked if he had any specific suggestions on ways to do this he didn’t have an answer. Any advice?

like

Assuming this causes a recession like in 2008, and many people get laid off, how long to take to find another similar paying job? I’m currently a strat manager in FS. Scared for job.

likefunny

Utilization director told me today that the layoffs won't affect me. My heart goes out to everyone that had to hear otherwise. Here's to hoping y'all find something better and prosper.

like

What % utilisation is considered good?
I know it depends on firm to firm, but in general?
Also, is it wise to put in CV or say in interviews about your utilization if its good?

funny

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal