I am curious to see if this is just me.

I am 26 and I often find myself dressing down when I go to the office when I go with my mom.

My mom and I work a block away from each other and when we carpool together I’ll intentionally underdress and look very conservative.

When I go in on my own, I’ll look a lot nicer and put on a nice long dress with heels and maybe a jacket and look like a completely different person and feel a lot more confident.

Is this dressing down around family normal?

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If i'm at work or going to work, I'm wearing what i usually wear to work regardless if family is around or not. I would rather stick to my routine and not have to disrupt it. I'd rather my job perceive me as professionally dressed all the time, but that's just me.

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I agree with this. Dress for your position and don't change for other purposes.

I don't live by family, but if they are visiting, I still look my best for the role...and maybe even more so. I want my parents to see me at my best and make them proud.

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I get looking a bit more conservative around family if you normally wear tight or more revealing clothing. But I do think it’s odd to dress “down” or in a very different way than you otherwise would for work.

To answer your question directly, no it’s not “normal.” I’ve never heard of this or observed this with myself, siblings or friends. Is your mom super religious or controlling or body-shaming or overly obsessed with her own looks or jealous/competitive with you? To me your behavior indicates some kind of relationship issue such as the above.

Ya she does a lot of body shaming so I do my best to “hide it” around her if that makes sense.

Not really a religious thing as much as I just don’t want to give her another reason to pick on me.

No, I can't really that I relate to doing that. I've never really felt like I need to change the way that I dress or present myself in front of my parents, but I know that I'm luckier than a lot of people in that regard. I do have some friends who would probably relate to what you're saying here, since they had stricter and more judgmental parents, it leads them to watch how they act and the things they say in front of them a lot more than I do. Perhaps it has something to do with you being concerned your mom might judge you? Could just be a subconscious thing.

I hear you, I can only imagine how difficult it must be to have to watch everything you do and run it through the filter of potentially being judged by your mother. But it's not you who's sacrificing their identity, it's your mother who is missing out on getting to experience the real you and forming a close connection to you because of her prejudices and insecurity. You exist and have value outside of your parents' perception of you :)

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