{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I never do this but I need some objective advice. My wife is 5mo pregnant and my sister is getting married. Wedding was adjusted because of COVID but she set the date knowing I might not be able to attend as I’d have to fly there. Now I’m conflicted because if I attend, I’d have to quarantine for 2 weeks away from my wife and miss a couple DR appts. I’m her only support where we live. Would be stressful for her but I’m getting immense pressure from my parents to attend the wedding. Advice?", "post_id": "5f19aa20daa7f700228b43ee", "reply_count": 1, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5a9dcf338eccf60013b738f9", "bowl_name": "Asian in Accounting", "feed_type": "bowl" }

I never do this but I need some objective advice. My wife is 5mo pregnant and my sister is getting married. Wedding was adjusted because of COVID but she set the date knowing I might not be able to attend as I’d have to fly there. Now I’m conflicted because if I attend, I’d have to quarantine for 2 weeks away from my wife and miss a couple DR appts. I’m her only support where we live. Would be stressful for her but I’m getting immense pressure from my parents to attend the wedding. Advice?

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How far along will she be at the time of the wedding? It sounds like you are really stuck in a tough spot and being Asian doesn't help in these situations with family stuff. However, the best advice I've ever gotten from a therapist related to marriage is to treat you and your spouse as a pod. Basically you two are in a bubble together, and don't let other "outside" factors influence the decisions you make. Always look out for the well-being of your pod first and foremost, and you'll have a better marriage. Especially when it comes to Asians. Make decisions together while prioritizing each other's feelings and viewpoints. And it goes both ways (not just husband to wife or vice versa). The more you feel that you're a unit, the more understanding you will be to each other when it comes to these situations that our families put is in. Hard to explain this on my phone and it really calls for a discussion but doing this for the last few years has really helped my marriage when before, I felt like my spouse prioritized his side of the family's needs before mine / ours and it was good practice to have under our belt once we had kids which completely changes the dynamics of family life and requires learning all over again. On a practical note, if she is only 5 or 6 months along when all this is happening, I think you can try to discuss with her as it doesn't seem unreasonable (from an outsiders perspective) that you attend your sisters wedding. If she's 8 months along, I think that is a different story. Good luck.

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