I am having a very difficult time with a coworker and would really appreciate some advice. Stuart is at the same level of management as I am but in a different department, and we have the same boss. Stuart seemed to have always been of good character and we’ve worked well together. The only other HR employee is at an entry level.

It seems that Stuart is lying about what I’ve done or said, mainly to two women who are both his subordinates. *Finished in comments b/c I couldn't fit it all here

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They’ll even indirectly reference something I talked with Stuart about, but as though I said something negative about one of them. I’ve always gotten along with both of these women, but they began acting a bit arrogant and with some disrespect to me, which they’ve never done. Now the two women and Stuart are being overly kind to me, in an odd way. I did talk to one of these women and she said Stuart has not been speaking negatively about anyone.

I brought this to my supervisor who doesn’t have as much of an understanding of people’s behavior, and he wants concrete proof. This is understandable, but I just don’t have it. I haven’t spoken to Stuart directly because I’m documenting behavior and I am hoping he slips up in a way that I can show concrete proof of what he’s doing. Right now, Stuart is influencing those he has managerial power over. He is being very conniving, but discrete enough that those who can’t closely follow behavior don’t notice it and would question me more than him if I bring it up. I will add that this may stem from Stuart having a bruised ego. He is married, but I noticed an affinity he had towards me and pulled back a bit on our friendly conversations and interactions.

The story is a bit confusing. Who are you upset with? Stuart or the two ladies or all three? What would be your perfect resolution would be a good start point? Do you think he is talking badly of you and want that to stop or do you think he has some sort of end game and is trying to get you discredited for some reason? It doesn’t seem to stack up but I manage recruitment for a company 10 thousand employees plus and that’s only the Aus segment so have dealt with many situations. Happy to help if you need.

There’s a lot of vague details here, I’m not entirely sure what’s happening. It may be helpful to clarify the story or what your question is.

I would Stuart and say “what’s going on, one of your employees made a funny remark about me, and I’m concerned because they indicated you were making comments about me, to them”. Be blunt and stop the gossiping before it starts.

I’d also say, “I’m coming to you first before I need to escalate this issue”.

I have learned that difficult coworker situations get worse when avoided. I would try a direct but calm conversation first before letting frustration build.

I would communicate first always

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