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So much to love about this one.
Need advice. I’m a super senior content EP at a well known agency in the U.S., where I’ve been for quite some time. Checked out http://Glassdoor.com, and I make at the high end of the ranges for similar agencies. In the past year I’ve also taken on additional responsibilities (outside of traditional EP duties) that have doubled my workload and raised my profile quite a bit. How should I go about brining up a sizable salary bump (some creatives and even planning peeps earn more with much less responsibility)?
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Up late working on a pitch. 5 beers in. AMA.
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We need a Late Night Confessions bowl
Chief
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Chief
This is much easier said than done, but you need to forget him and forget her. Stalking her is like torturing yourself. Your husband understandably diminished your confidence by cheating, however that speaks more to his character than yours, so it’s not a reflection of your worth as a person or your outward beauty, and over time you’ll start to feel more confident again once you stop letting his opinion of you define how you think of yourself. But the first step is to not re-open wounds by stalking the other woman.
And at the end of the day do you really care about the opinion of someone whose personality is so crappy that he’d cheat on a devoted, loving partner who clearly cares about him? He’s a loser.
Chief
I get it, it’s extremely hard to be level headed in that situation, but those are the exact situations your character can shine through.
The problem with revenge cheating is that it’s a short term consolation (if that) and it’s probably just going to make you feel worse about yourself, because you’re lowering your standards to the other person’s behavior, using another person in the process, and the guy you’re trying to get revenge on probably isn’t even going to care if they have already been cheating with someone else.
While it’s harder in the immediate short term, the better long term solution is to lay low, pursue personal passions, connect with friends, rebuild your confidence from an internal locus (not as dependent on what others think)… and then from that head space, attract and find a healthier partner.
Men… they do some crazy stuff when overwhelmed, going through change, not having control of their lives.. if you want a healthy relationship, I would seek counseling. Virtual counseling is available.
I want the next episode of this to be you and her getting in a relationship
The baby gift part is so messed up
“Emotionally cheated” wtf are you even saying?
Rising Star
EY1 how have you never heard of this? Cheating isn’t just sex.
Chief
If you haven’t decided to go to marriage counseling, I’d recommend trying it. The fact that you wrote that your husband doesn’t like talking about it because he thinks he didn’t cross the line is incredibly invalidating.
I would lovingly tell him “you started an emotional relationship with another woman - and went on dates with her - as I was recovering from delivering our child. If you want this marriage to work out, the first step is for us to prioritize therapy.”
I’m sorry, OP. I can’t even imagine how challenging this must be - but not forcing the issue isn’t helping you move on.
Pro
The fact that you don’t know for sure whether they hooked up or not is pretty alarming. I wouldn’t even call this “emotional cheating” it’s just cheating. They were going on dates for goodness sake.
Enthusiast
I appreciate the insight everyone! He’s agreed to counseling so we’re looking into where to go now.
I’ve also deleted the finsta. Nothing to gain in keeping it.
Great to hear, OP. Hang in there. And please take care of yourself too — lots of self care.
Enthusiast
Emotionally?
Enthusiast
I have friends that would work out with them too. And no one ever mentioned to me that they did anything physically. Hugging, yes. Kissing, no. But no one followed them to get donuts. So I suppose it could’ve happened there. Sex is the least likely though. No real opportunity to.
Delete the account and block her on everything. Stalking her is only going to make matters worse and you don’t deserve that.
Don't. This won't help you. You need to speak with your husband, with a professional, and if it still doesn't resolve the issue, you have a question you'll have to face that only you can answer.
OP, this is not what “emotionally cheated” means. He flat out cheated, even if sexual intercourse never happened. They physically spent time together that was not platonic.
You need to accept this for what it was if you’re planning to work on the relationship. And he needs to own up to it. You really should consider couples counseling if you haven’t already .
Pro
Lady, I say this as a married guy: your husband is a fool. Even if he doesn’t understand that no real man makes his wife feel this way, the fact that he’s willing to risk divorce and the life he built with you for temporary emotional thrills shows he doesn’t understand basic priorities. Also, I don’t care how “hot” this other lady is. Anybody who engages in an emotional affair with a married folks is crap, regardless of what wrapping it comes in.
Enthusiast
Are you still married?
Community Builder
Ok he’s not in the clear. Until you guys fully talk about it and come to terms with it, you’re very much not in the clear. It’s like sweeping it under the rug which doesn’t work.
So many single men out there and women waste their time on insignificant ones 🎶
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It hits different when you are married with a baby! I feel bad for the wife forced into a bad situation.
First, stop “stalking”. So, she’s hot, but she is a piece of crap… As for your husband, I’m glad he cut it off with her and we think (but don’t know….) that his cheating (and he did cheat, none of this emotional stuff) did not rise to the level of sexual intercourse. However, you two must seek marriage counseling! You will need joint sessions and individual sessions. I will give your husband the benefit of the doubt and say he’s human and made a mistake. He stopped it this time, but what happens when things get more difficult at home and/or work? And they will— That’s life with all its joy, stress and grief. A counselor can help him understand the dynamics at play, and hopefully, find the strength to resist temptation in the future. The counselor can help you with your self-confidence and trust issues that you should have if you don’t. For those of you who are wondering why I’m calling Ms. Hotness a piece of crap and cutting the cheating spouse some slack, it’s because I believe she took advantage of the husband during a “vulnerable” period. If she hadn’t given them a baby shower gift, i.e., knew he was married and expecting a child, I would feel differently. Hubby is still in the warm seat, but there are extenuating circumstances for him that will hopefully be addressed during counseling so that he can make better, quicker decisions in the future. If he is unwilling to participate in counseling, that’s a problem… Congratulations on the baby and I hope you can get and keep your family on the right track. Good Luck!
Forget about him . There are many fishes In the fishbowl .
🙋🏽♂️
Not clear from what you’ve said, does he know that you know that he was emotionally cheating on you? Either way I agree you are just torturing yourself but it’s more where do you go from here. Counseling sounds like a good idea no matter what
Rising Star
Agree with Gary. It’s not right for him to do something like this and then expect you to deal with it on his timeline. Good luck OP. But for the love of god block her from your social media so you can process in peace.
It sounds like real cheating if he went on dates with her. When I think of emotional cheating I think of messaging somebody but never meeting in person.
I assume she knows you're married if it was on his Facebook account. You should leave him or at least go to marriage counseling.
Op - I am going through your post and all I see is you trying to be so understanding and make him look great. But what about you and how you feel? Shouldn’t he be the one trying to understand how you feel over this whole situation that he created- and the time when you needed him the most - after having his baby?
Lol, why do you think he had to cheat on you? Are you not enough for him in some ways?
Oh rip. You guys have a baby together and he cheated on you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Enthusiast
what is "emotional cheating"?