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Your husband needs to back off and chill out.
Cont'd. He continuously is asking have applied anywhere, makes comments about me spending money, suggests I should at least be doing stuff around the house. For the past 4 months I had been working 50+ hrs a week (usually 60 - 70 hrs), even when i was on "vacation". Note, we have more than 6 months in our emergency fund + I received a decent severance package. Is it really that selfish of me to want to take it easy for a month? I told him when it happened May 1 was when I would go full force.
tell him the more your parasympathetic system recover, the better your sympathetic system will be able to find a job.
but ask him what is the root cause ? he is unstable on his own job? does he has anxiety? what he does to self-regulate his emotions
I agree your husband needs to chill.
However, he probably can't do that until he feels safe financially. Maybe you should sit down and review your finances explicitly: go over how much your severance is, what your unemployment will be and show him things will be fine for x months before you ever have to consider touching savings. And reiterate that you'll be hitting things hard very soon, but that you needed some time to decompress from your last position, so that you have the energy and positivity for a full on job search.
Let him explain what's making him nervous and really hear him out. You probably have different financial risk profiles and you both need to figure out a way you can both feel comfortable in this transition.
Self-care IS important right now. Best wishes for a short, successful job search!
All of this, right here. It’s stated perfectly!!
I'm in the same position. I'm getting ready to retire (at 58 with 25 years of service) , but working on setting up a side-gig to stay busy for 20-30 hours per week, as compared to 50-60 hours per week. I also plan to take 1 month off for self-care and get some much needed rest. I have been working for 40 straight years!
The husband (of 25 years) asks: "What else are you going to do?" Did I mention that I will have a pension? Did I mention that i have been in the "corporate world" for 30+ years?
I deserve at least one month off to do as I please, and so do you! After my month off, I will work part-time (as my own boss) for as long as I please. No regrets!
You are doing your self care and what he is doing may be more of reflection is he was in that position. You just need to have an honest conversation to clear it up.
True
Not selfish at all. Husband needs to relax. But men will be men it doesn’t excuse his behavior. So don’t feel bad or guilty for wanting to take some time to refresh restart and refocus
This sounds way more like an issue with communication than who is "right". Both of your responses can be justified but what matters is what you decide together
I was laid off late March and saw all the horror stories of nobody hiring so I immediately jumped into job search. I have one offer at 1 month and anticipating a second offer any day. I did negotiate a later start date from the offer to give second opportunity a chance to play out but I do think I wish I hadn’t been quite so stressed and had taken a little time to myself. I did have a vacation already planned for last week of June and new company is giving me the time to enjoy that previously planned trip with my college age daughter.
Coach
A few years back, I was laid off and the severance they offered was 6 months of regular pay (I still received pay as if I was working and full benefits). I took 6 months off, dedicated one week each month to applying for jobs, and started my new job one week after my severance ended. Though I was initially sad to be laid off, I felt blessed that it happened. Those 6 months did wonders for me!
Is it possible he’s not just worried about using up your savings, but that he’s a little jealous he hasn’t had the option to do self care or all of these things for himself? Try opening a discussion about how you can help take things off his plate, or how you can both incorporate more small things for self care into your routines so neither of you get to a place of feeling burnt out.
Trur
I think as long as y'all can pay the bills, there's no rush. I personally would sit down and try to figure out what's bugging him so much about you not working. Maybe he's concerned about finances, maybe he doesn't like being the sole bread winner, etc. i think once you can get to the root of what's going on, then you can create a plan.
True
It could be that he’s more nervous about the job market than you are, perhaps. Open communication here is important, as is compromise. It doesn’t seem unreasonable that the party not working could do a little more around the house, but that’s completely dependent on how you manage that part of your lives and how long this stretch lasts. Every relationship is different! But I agree with everyone saying to communicate openly about your plans and his fears. His feelings are valid too, and you might already have the means to calm those in the right conversational setting. I can see his perspective a little- if my spouse was laid off and just took time as a complete vacation, I would hope he’d help me take a few things off my plate to keep things a little more in balance. But that would depend on the length of time. A week? Yeah! Have at it, it’s well deserved. After that I’d expect a little more contribution at home. Again though, those are just my specific feelings about our own financial/time constraints in my marriage- I can’t speak on anyone else’s! I would also want to know there is a firm plan in place to return to work so we could budget accordingly. And KUDOS to you both for having a 6 month nest egg!!! That’s a great buffer most ppl don’t have!!
I wish you all the best in your future job search!!
To me it sounds like he is anxious and put his anxiety on you. You are doing the right thing to take care of yourself. He is on the wrong end. He has to support you in what you do, not press on you to go land a job immediately. Make it clear to him or you guys can go to therapy together.
I’m late to this conversation but I think there a few things that I would like to suggest to be considered.
Have you had a good conversation with your husband about the layoff? Your plans for the next few months and what to expect?
Since you have been working 50-70 hours a week, he is also working and (I assume) picking up a decent % of the house-related family stuff while working too. He could be needing just as much of a break as you do.
The questions about applying for jobs, that could be based on that he might be feeling concerned about his status at his company. While you have a nest egg, 6 months might still be a bit tight.
Moving from a 2 salary family to a single salary family can increase the stress on the one still bringing in that salary.
I’m sure this could be all cleared up with a husband/wife strategic planning meeting for what the new reality looks like.
Enthusiast
Hubby being somewhat unreasonable . C’mon. Temporary situation and needed re energise time !