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If you’re an adult, you can’t blame anyone for your own actions. It’s not that hard to say no to a drink.
Take your leadership and bias trainings. Read a book. Listen to stories. So scary that you are in HR.
Umm, assuming I understood this correctly, the person who is responsible is the person who drank too much! Your consumption and health are your responsibility, unless you were drugged or somehow forced to drink all of this.
I agree with Partner 1. Have been to several events where in the wee hours poured my last drink out and excused myself. We’re all adults here…
She made bad choices. Her fault. She could have
- taken the drinks but secretly not drink them.
- ordered mocktails or seltzer
- said: no thanks
Etc.
Did she “No, I’m good” or I’ll have a water? Why are you assuming it was a “fraternity like hazing” where the drinks were forced on her? Again, where is personal accountability and simply refusing a drink?
Obviously it’s not the boss’ fault. Unless the boss was doing some major peer pressure then it is up to whoever got hospitalized. We are adults and it’s up to each person to moderate how much they are drinking.
It’s your fault, unless they literally held you down against your will and poured alcohol down your throat, which I can’t imagine.
Place of extreme privilege or extreme ignorance to make that comment. Full stop.
Thanks for the perspectives! I know she feels she is to blame and it’ll take her time to recover, professionally and personally. Definitely a growth opportunity for her. As an executive, I have a 2 drink limit when I take my team out, so there’s that. I’d feel like an as$hole if something happened to my team in a situation like this.
I tend to agree that it is not the boss’ fault. According to my colleague, she was at a team dinner that led to a bar and heavy drinking after. While not forced, she felt pressure to keep up because she was with her direct manager, and it caught up with her. She had to get her stomach pumped and treated for dehydration.
You can continue to twist my words and read what you want. I’m done with this conversation. I’ve got better things to occupy my time with rather than engage with some rando who chooses to see what they want to see and lecture others when they’re the one who needs to open their eyes and mind.
Event planner and three law classes in here. Honestly it depends on a variety of factors including whether there was sufficient food available, was the party held at a bar or venue where dram shop laws apply and would likely absolve the employer, etc. but depending on the factors above and the state, the employer could potentially be responsible as the party was considered a function the employee was doing as part of their job. They are more likely to be held responsible if the drunk employee got into an accident or damaged property etc. on the way home after drinking under “respondeat superior” which is basically that employers can be accountable for wrongdoing by their employees. The employee can be held liable as well but employer too.
Unfortunately it's not the boss's responsibility unless you were on the clock. This is considered an outside of work activity usually, and most companies don't usually cover this. Was it something like being poisoned or an attack of some kind? If so, I'd get the authorities involved.
No it’s not considered off work.
I was a first year associate and a VP pressured me hard to do sake bombs with them. Luckily I was old enough to hold my own. But it didn’t earn me any gold stars, you better believe it. Bullshit bro culture. I fucking hate it.
Why is a work event being held in such a setting (some people will inevitably fail the “test)? Leadership should model responsible drinking or it is at least partly to blame when more inexperienced workers fail this test (and should be mindful that it potentially has devastating consequences for them). I also blame our industry, though thought things had changed…
She is an adult, so fully responsible. Doesn’t matter if person is a woman or man. Seems she is trying to shift a pain/ responsibility for her actions. That being said: if she feels to lead the culture change at the company: report to hr what’s happened to her and suggest policies changes: like no excessive alcohol to be charged through expense report.
There are definitely nuances here. Saying it is 100% her fault isn’t really fair. It definitely likely she was pressured and was afraid to go against her boss’s pressure. She probably feels really awful about the entire situation (physically and remorsefully).
Either way, she should take it as a lesson learned and try to avoid the situation in the future…. And maybe look for a new job.
I used to work with her in another life, at another company. I still hold her in high regard and was shocked to learn of this incident. I have suggested that she reach out to HR if she believes foul play, but offered the other perspective of her own accountability as well.
I believe that not placing the onus of responsibility directly on the woman minimizes women and their ability to be strong and independent-minded. Frankly I don’t want to be seen as weak-minded, weak-willed, etc. and frankly any woman who is not requiring that women be held personally accountable for their own behavior is doing other women a disservice.
Don’t conflate the two.
No.
I always asked for water on ice after my first drink of gin and tonic. No one was any wiser. I also stick to my narrative of staying with the same liquor and can skip out on any rounds of shots. It’s not easy but we gotta know what’s right for our bodies.
Also, the code of ethics at my firm require the senior individual at an event to be responsible for all the staff and prevent such occurrences. The manager is definitely at fault here. When your boss is not doing the right thing, step up and find a way out.
I did want to live in a world where I’m not responsible for myself and my own actions. 🤷🏽♀️