I'm a 30yo gay M, out for 10 years, and I'm still a virgin re: anal sex. Being raised in a religious (Catholic) household, I tend to be more traditional when it comes to dating and I've never been in a relationship. Is my virginity worth holding out or am I shooting myself in the foot?

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Everyone takes their own time so my main advice is do what feels right. Since you ask for feedback, I have a couple of comments. If you expect Mr Right to also be an anal virgin on your wedding night, you may be setting the bar too high (or too young). Am also not convinced the distinction by type of sex is helpful: a bit too Jesuit/Clintonesque?

When the day arrives…first time anal is not usually perfect. By the 3rd or 4th time though 😍

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I think it maybe just depends on what you want. I’ll admit that personally I’d be pretty reluctant to date a virgin. I’ve been out for 20 years, and I’ve sort of been there, done that, got the t-shirt. It turns out I lean traditional in a lot of ways as well, but I’d prefer a partner who’s had a similar journey. Partly it’s about relating to the experience and mixed emotions about it, partly it’s about having done the exploration to confirm what I actually want, and partly it’s about the option to step back into things on a rare occasion if the mood hits, and knowing what to expect and how to handle it.

But I might not be someone you’d want to date anyway, in which case my opinion doesn’t really matter. I’m sure there are guys out there for whom it isn’t an issue, and some for whom it might even be a plus. I will say, though, that I think there are very few people who would have an issue with you *not* being a virgin, so as far as numbers go I’m skeptical you’re saving much advantage by holding on to it. (But that doesn’t mean you should go do it just to check the box, either. Do what feels right for you rather than what you think other people might want.)

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I’m also a 30 M. Raised Catholic. That religious guilt is real. You should feel comfortable making your own decisions. If you want to maintain your virginity, do it and don’t apologize for it. If you want to explore, don’t apologize for that, either. I recommend finding a good therapist. Anonymous boards are generally not the best place to search for life advice.

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I grew up very religious (still identify) and I didn’t have anal until it was with a guy that I thought was worth it. I do not regret waiting that long. Now that that relationship is over I feel more confident in my sexual preferences and encounters that I have with other men. Do what is important and meaningful to you.

uplifting

Depends on what you want, but I was also raised Catholic and couldn’t get rid of my virginity (on both ends) fast enough! (Versatile male, here.) Seriously though, you need to be comfortable with the person.

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Do what you want but from experience a lot of gays start out this way and then become more free and open with experience. It may be helpful to find someone who is similar to you so that you can learn and grow together.

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Do and pursue what feels right to you, and if there are things you’re not interested in or don’t feel ready for, don’t listen to peers. You own your own destiny. And any future partner worth their salt will respect that and accept you for you.

No. Let yourself live.

Definitely a bloody foot there. Don’t do or don’t do things because of religion. Explore and try things out and see what you enjoy. Along the way, don’t be a dick to others and you’ll be good. Don’t let catholic guilt hold you back and prevent you from living a life of joy and happiness.

Do what feels right for you. The right person won’t judge you for your traditional beliefs.

There are traditional gays out there too.

Why hold back when the ostensibly straight family-values dudes at CPAC don’t?

Put yourself out there.

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