{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I’m embarrassed to post this but I have a 5mo old (my first) and he’s spending a month in my wife’s country of origin. I feel bad that I need to *actively* remind myself to think about him. Contd..", "post_id": "5b1e408788fcf20018257c7e", "reply_count": 8, "vote_count": 0, "bowl_id": "599aea2d2a4d83001641590b", "bowl_name": "Consulting Dads", "feed_type": "bowl" }

I’m embarrassed to post this but I have a 5mo old (my first) and he’s spending a month in my wife’s country of origin. I feel bad that I need to *actively* remind myself to think about him. Contd..

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Give it some more time. At that age I sometimes still felt like I was taking care of someone else’s kid. My son is almost a year old now. His personality really started to appear around 8 months. He’s now starting to point at things he wants, babble, imitate me, respond to questions (he’ll make certain noises when I say some animal names), he hands me toys and smiles at me, hugs stuffed animals and all sorts of other things.

Also, sometimes you just need to be away from the baby a little bit to miss him/her.

Also, I always still miss aspects of my old life of traveling, partying and otherwise doing whatever I wanted, but not in a million years would I trade him for it. You’re allowed to love your kid and still miss those parts of your prior life.

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I experienced this... when my kids were 1 year and younger, I found that as a dad I loved them and felt responsibility for them but I did not enjoy them or miss them when I travelled. My wife was over the moon just to hold them. Me, not so much. There was a huge shift for me as they started to grow. The more the interacted with me, played with me, imitated me, etc. the more the bond grew. It is a bit interesting because now that they are teens, sometimes they relate to me or can talk to me more easily than their mom. I remind her we all have our turns for when we are most needed but we are always needed and our love is always there.

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I feel it doesn't come naturally. And my mind gets distracted by other crap. Why is it not easy to always think about him? Does this mean I don't love him? Im sure I do. I loved being with him and doing everything for him. But now that I'm not on active baby duty and have time to reflect, it feels like the last 5mo were a blur and I'm back to being a regular guy. Not sure why I'm struggling to have an emotional connection when it was fine until he left. Feeling pretty terrible about it.

Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up with the crap we do and baby isn’t there to wake you up and all. I wouldn’t be too hard on myself

He's still "new," and as pointed out above, he doesn't really have a personality yet. Once that forms, and you start building memories beyond changing diapers and feeding him, you'll feel totally different.

I've got 3, aged 15, 13, and 8. Today is my youngest son's birthday and it's the first one we've been apart and it sucks, but I'm with my oldest dropping her off for a summer program at the Naval Academy, so it's all good. Don't beat yourself up.

Agree with EY1; for some it’s a Big Bang but for many people the real strength of the bond develops over time. In particular once they can start to express themselves your relationship gets much deeper. Much like your relationship with your SO, it’s all hormones at the start and matures and grows as you spend time together.

I’m sure you love your son. You just don’t know him yet.

I have 3 kids and its definitely easier to connect/bond as they get older. Remember though, love isn’t a feeling; its the choice to put them first, to make sacrifices for their benefit

It’s normal your fine. Likely 2 things contribute. 1. You don’t feel vital in his day to day yet. Food, sleep, and other vitals don’t strictly require you. And he’s not that interactive so it’s hard to know whether you’re engagement is valuable. All the research says it is, so when he gets back, stick with it. Physical touch, language, play time all pay huge benefits later. 2. You’re busy. We all are. We can all get consumed with what’s present and urgent. Combating this requires intentional mindfulness. Set time aside to face time, think about him, or even write him a note (or email)

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