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I would never marry someone who wasn’t completely open with me about their finances and vice versa. I’m married and we just put it all in the same account, have been doing so for 15 years. Works fine, but also understand plenty of folks keep finances separate for whatever reasons.
Either way you go, Disagreements over finances are one of the leading (if not THE leading) cause of divorce, so it’s worth pressure testing that subject before you get married to make sure you’re both at least close to on the same page.
Dating is a bit different - early on maybe that stuff is none of my business; exactly “when” it’s the right time to start figuring that out is different for every couple. But for sure before marriage.
Agree with this. If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it yet, might be too soon but at some point before you get married you need to have this conversation.
Definitely normal to talk about. I wanted to make sure our financial goals and spending habits aligned before it got serious so we talked finances (not specific numbers) like 6mo-1 year in. I think we talked specific salary and student loan/other debt amounts about 1.5 years in once we decided to move in together as we had to figure out rent split and budgeting.
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Yeah 100%. Separate accounts and all still obviously but we talk about all the items you mentioned. I think you def should be if living together and especially if talking about marriage at some point. I don’t get why people are so secretive or reserved about in general honestly but you shouldn’t be with your SO
I’ve been with my SO for 9 years (mutual agreement not to get married but functionally married) and we’ve been open about finances since like year 2. She knows exactly how much I make and vice versa. She also makes more than double what I make ($350k vs $150k), but we base our budget off of my salary and then she just invests the excess.
How long have you been together? If you are thinking about moving in together I would raise that conversation as you are looking to find a place and figure out what you can afford/how to split household expenses fairly.
If you already live together, definitely ask! This is not a roommate - you’re considering a life together, and finances are a big part of that. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to combine accounts, but you should have some idea of their financial situation and goals, and how you as a couple would pay for larger expenses, such as a wedding, house, kids, etc. if those are in your plans.
Nice! That sounds like a good time to start opening up the conversation - it gives you a reasonable intro to ask.
I don’t know why but I feel so weird talking to my SO about finances but not at all weird with my friends. Maybe it’s cause we work different industries
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We talked openly about finance when we were not married yet but made concrete plans to be. Our marriage/relationship was sort of fast tracked due to us meeting and dating during the pandemic, so normally I probably wouldn’t talk until >1 year in.
Yes spoke about it pretty early on since he has student loans, we planned to move in together after 1.5 years, and we needed to know budgets for birthdays and date nights and stuff
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For sure. And you need to get over the awkwardness if you’re going to move forward. Do NOT pursue a relationship if either of you is willing to be blind to a huge part of it
Rising Star
I honestly can't remember when my wife and i opened up to each other about money. Maybe when we moved in together? Or the first time we switched jobs we talked about new salaries? If it feels serious then it's definitely something you should be open about with each other. And this is coming from two people who were both brought up to believe that financial matters are private and not to be discussed openly.
Marriage is an economic arrangement, in addition to other things. It's pretty essential to be open with your partner before getting married. Even if it's not full disclosure right now, the understanding should at least be that that is where you will eventually wind up as things become more serious.
Been dating for 8 years, but don't live together. He knows my annual salary but not my net worth. I don't see the point of talking about it as we're both very independent and I don't see us mixing finances any time soon. I'm also not planning on having kids, so I don't see it as an issue.
Definitely talked about this at length with my girlfriend of 3 years. I also intend to marry her and be with her for life, so it was important for me to understand what we’re working with.