I'm not sure how to phrase this, so I hope this makes sense. How long should your ex be off limits to your friends? I just found out that one of my best friends is dating a guy I dated in college. She knows we dated, but she thinks since it's been over eight years, he should be fair game. I feel betrayed but not sure I have the right to.

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lol 8yrs??? Get over it lol

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Assuming you’re in your late 20s to early 30s based on the combo of 8 years ago and college bf. Tbh I think it’s been long enough and you were barely adults when you dated that enough time regardless of how serious it felt at the moment, in hindsight was it ever really that serious?

Unless your ex did you really dirty or the way you found out about your ex and your friend was shady (they didn’t tell you directly), I don’t think he’s off limits.

smarthelpful

I realised in my late teens that one of my beat friends and my ex got along really well and were a better match than he and I were. She happened to make an innocent comment one day and I started working towards getting them together. Ended up setting up a night out with them and another one of our mates ( a male …. and told him what I was trying to do.. he was all for it as well). The night went well. The mate and I weee “too tired” to stay out very late but the other two got on like a house on fire. Two weeks later they were going steady and six months on they were engaged.

If you went out with HIM there you saw something good i. Him that you liked or loved and unless he is a monster one would think you would wish him happiness in his future life. And if SHE is your best girlfriend, I wanna be best girlfriend and one would think that you would want the best for her in her life then I don’t know what your problem is. They are obviously I think that they should be going out together and enjoying each other‘s company and that’s the best thing for them in their lives at the moment so why would you be cranky with her for being happy or for him getting young with his life eight years later?
I think people need to remember that other people come into their lives for a reason a season or a lifetime sounds like he was one of your seasonal ones. Don’t make it that she doesn’t end up being your lifetime one just because you’re upset about something that happened eight years ago that is done and dusted anyway.

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I personally would not want to be with someone who had been with one of my good friends lol. It would be one thing if you guys went on like 2 dates, but you were together for 2 years. Granted, I also think after 8 years, you shouldn’t care who he dates, so I see both sides of this

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In my honest humble opinion I don't think you are asking the right question. It should be are you still hung up on him? And if it bothers you that much that you would put a message out on this after 8 years then I think the answer is pretty obvious and maybe you didn't know how you felt until you found out they started dating and if you did not know then they probably did not with either, so is she really betraying you? Now I know that some people say that you should never date a friends ex but I personally don't think that is a realistic idea... You should not date a friends ex while that still have real feelings and are trying to put the ex behind them and is it is a recent ex you should at least let the friend know and preferably get their permission and keep it separate from the friend as much as possible.

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Forever :)

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Note* we dated for a little over two years.

I think it's based on a complicated formula of how close you are with the friend, how long you dated the ex for, why you broke up with the ex, and if you are still amicable. Personally I wouldn't care if any of my friends dated my exes, but I would judge them on their taste lol

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