Need advice and help.

I have realized I grew up in a household where my dad did not treat my mom as an equal. He belittles her, is rude and convinced his way is the only way.

It is painful to say, but some of this shows up in me and in my relationship. I am starting to catch myself, and it to me seems to be more of a reaction than anythjng that is ever intentional.

Wondering if anyone has dealt with something similar, and any success in making changes besides therapy. Cont. in comments

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Don’t change for anyone just embrace it and try to realize that some people deserve to be treated this way. Also therapy is a great recommendation from someone that doesn’t pay for their own therapy

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@Software Engineer - that's such a horrible way to think. Have you every met someone in abusive situation? I'm going to guess no.

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Read “Loving Like You Mean It.” It’s great you’re aware of what you’re doing, now you just have to “rewire” your brain so you don’t react negatively anymore.

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It continues to affect my relationship with my fiancé in a way that I hate to see. There is no activity in the bedroom as result, and that all seems to be a rinse, repeat cycle of disaster.

Better help bills completely depleted my HSA and I just can’t afford to do therapy right now.
Just looking for any advice and tips. Thanks

If you understand the issue, then it’s probably easier to handle.

The thing is, if you want things to change, you have to actually want to change things. Remember it’s your life, it doesn’t matter what your dad did in the past (not to belittle your dad). You control your mind and body and it’s outcome.

Therapy is probably the best thing to do as it gets to the route problem. Cheaper alternative is to do more exercise and start journaling your thoughts. Over time you’ll be a better person and also you might be able to notice a pattern of behaviour.

If therapy is not an option, lean on friends and family.

Yes 100% me. I worked on it for years, therapy, EMDR, journaling…none of it worked. I had my major breakthrough doing the 12 steps and I’m finally at peace with it, have integrated what I need to and let go of the rest. Major major milestone for me. It took examining my resentments, doing a fearless moral inventory of myself, understand my part in all of it, then made amends. It was the most powerful transformation process I’ve done and I’ve done it all. Hope that helps OP good luck!

Can you go into a little more detail on “the 12 steps”. Thank you!

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I’m in the same position with my family and some of the reactions I have aren’t always the healthiest. I’ve been in therapy for about 1.5 year and it’s helped but there will be days where I find myself slipping and resorting back to my old ways. It’s a struggle no doubt, and I wish nothing more to bed rid of these bad habits.

Also reading some self help books, listening to podcasts, or meditation has helped me through my journey

Are you saying that you are belitting your fiance, or that your fiance is belittling you?

Either way- I just read a book last night called "Communicate Your Feelings (without starting a fight)." It's a little over 100 pages and a quick read. Not saying it's going to fix everything, but you and your partner could both probably read it to give you better ways to communicate.

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