Just wondering. I make a decent middle class salary but do list my occupation as lawyer on OLD. I'm worried that someone I'm dating wants me more for my income potential than my personality. Any ways to tactfully address this? I'm not cheap but will probably not make near 6 figures for a while. I'm male dating female btw. Just wondering if people have experience with this

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Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

I wouldn't worry about it too much. People are attracted to stability and competence and ambition, primarily, not to a huge salary. There might be an odd woman who is hunting for a meal ticket, but those will be few and far between. Just get to know the folks you go on dates with and let it develop organically. Don't go on dates that are flashy and pricey--they're never worth it and here they might mislead in the way you're trying to avoid.

One of the tough parts of dating is wanting to have options but also having the fortitude to cut things off that won't work and walk away. If your salary is a problem for someone, that's a huge red flag that you're better off without.

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That might help you easily weed people out if that's their only reason for having any interest in you. Also, I'm a female IP attorney and I make almost twice what my boyfriend makes, and that doesn't bother either of us. With the right person it shouldn't matter. Don't go into it assuming all women are only attracted to money.

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That's good that you're aware and openly acknowledging it. You can work on building up your confidence from there. I think hyper masculine stereotypes are super damaging to guys. I like what someone above said, that people are attracted to intelligence, enthusiasm about their job, and overall drive. All of this is better than ridiculous amounts of money. Money does not equal character or quality of a person.

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OLD?

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Online dating

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I'm confused, and reading this 2 different ways. And unsure what you're trying to address

1st way: you think that because you have lawyer on your profile people will overestimate your income, and your concerned because in actuality you don't make 6 figures and won't for a while

2nd way: you're wanting advice on how to get people, because you think lawyer on a profile attracts gold diggers

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I think you're overthinking this. I don't think there's anything to address, you just address it through the dating process.

"What do you do?" is something you'll be asked after matching. Weird to hide it.

Is there a recent event that elevated this concern for you?

I’ve refused for years to lead with “I’m a lawyer,” partly for this reason and partly because I just don’t want to talk about it. I just say my company / industry. When I was at firms I’d leave it as vague as possible without making it seem like I was unemployed.

Obviously if we meet up and the conversation goes there I wouldn’t lie about it or anything, I just don’t need it on my profile for people to make snap judgments about.

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It's probably the smart approach

Seconding what others have said. A true professional gold digger type of women can tell serious earners on a first date if not before by the conversation. How expensive is your watch? What do you drive? What are you wearing? Even if it doesn’t have a brand, is it tailored? When you talk about travel, where have you been? Where did you stay? Did you fly a private jet, first class or economy? What’s your favorite drink or liquor? What are your hobbies? Where did you go to school? A real pro will size you up real quick (and lots of people with money love to “low key brag” about their status symbols, so it’s not that hard).

Everyone else is an amateur, and you don’t need to worry about them pulling a fast one on you

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Yeah the list wasn’t so much to make us feel like plebes, but rather indicating that a gold digger is looking for someone with deep pockets. Those with deep pockets generally have different lifestyles than everyone else. They also tend (but not always) to flaunt it. And even where they don’t flaunt with material items (exotic cars, fancy watches, designer clothes) they tend to have hobbies and vacations that beat ours to shit.

I know women like this. I can honestly tell you that they can figure out pretty quickly if a guy is making enough money to satisfy them. There are ways to screen out these women just with your profile pics and choice of first date locations.

I personally think removing your profession is probably you overthinking the whole situation. If you were recently burned by a woman like this, she was sloppy and honestly will have a hard time hooking the type of guy she's looking for anyway.

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