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Is your post review focused on what others did or what she did/didn't do/should do?
I think it would be helpful to validate her feelings as they are. You are disappointed that boy took your ball/wouldn't play with you. I would feel that way too.
Then explore with her. I wonder what made that boy do that? And let her lead. She can ask questions and bounce ideas off you rather it comes off she didn't perform properly and it coming off as you telling her how she should do x or y instead next time.
Yea that might be an idea. He didn't know you well, so was uncomfortable playing with you. What are some good ideas to help that boy be more comfortable so he would play with you... Oh yea maybe he would want to know your name first... We could say hi my name is., what's your name.
Not sure if there was labeling of others in your review. . That boy was a jerk/bully to take your ball. Vs labeling the event. That didn't feel good when he took your ball. That wasn't a nice thing to do.
Another good thing is modeling, but even greater to sports cast what youre doing and what's going on in your head.
Ughh that car just cut me off. I wonder why he's such in a rush. Maybe they were late to an appointment. I'm not in rush so that's OK.
That person is standing too close to me, excuse me sir could you give me some space.. Etc.
She can model your inner thinking as well as your external actions.
Builds empathy and critical thinking
Also to add.. The first thought that came to mind about the post review was it sounded too formal/serious/critical when kids just want to play. And it's not like a work review (which is hard even for adults). Not that you are doing that but that was the image I had in my head.
Sometimes as consultants we just go into consulting mode even when it doesn't really fit.
Pro
My daughter had the same issue growing up. She got it from me lol. I wish I could provide a sure fire remedy for you, but there were lots of things we did and I’m not sure which helped more. We talked to her a lot about how kids could be really mean and unfortunately it was just a normal part of growing up. We put a lot of emphasis on her good characteristics to build her confidence and sociability. It took time and a lot of tears, but she’s much better about not taking things personally now. She’s been good to go since she was about 14 or so and she’ll be 17 in a couple months. Hopefully you can help your daughter quell those worries quicker than we did. Good luck!
Pro
Another area of focus is your daughter’s level of maturity and intelligence. As most girls do, my daughter matured really quickly. She reads a lot and has a pretty broad vocabulary for someone living in the rural south. She also does really well in school. This brought on a lot of ridicule from other kids. Oddly enough, being a smart kid is frowned upon around here. Your daughter may be having the same issue. It’s hard for her to relate to other kids not on the same level. I know that sounds demeaning, but it’s true. A lot of her friends were more worried about makeup and boys at 13 yrs old while my daughter was worrying about making good grades for college one day. Not sure if that’s part of the issue or not with your situation.
First, glad you are seeking advice, and you’re obviously not alone. My we observed similar traits in our daughter, who we believe may have had adolescence anxiety, but a bit earlier. So when she was in kindergarten we looked at different therapy options and decided to try a play based therapist in Greenwich. It worked wonders! She’s 7 now and her confidence and ability to play with other kids is amazing. The therapist taught our daughter a number of tools to use in different situations, and as the name suggests, they played them out with dolls. We are so happy we did it! She’s reached a point where we could stop, but we’d still have her going, since it’s been so positive, however, COVID put a stop to that. Good luck!
Can you share some examples of tools and scenarios? I'm interested to learn about the approach.
Sorry for the delay, here’s an article that gives an overview. For my daughter, she liked little fuzzy balls that the therapist had, so each time she went she would get a different one that would help her through a situation. She would carry them for confidence, like speaking in front of her class or playing with a group at the playground. Overtime she would phase out the balls, but at the time, they gave her strength. Another was a jar filled with slime and stars that she could shake and allow her to calm down when something stressful happened. https://positivepsychology.com/play-therapy/#techniques-play-therapy
D1 - luv it! Thanks for the detailed advice!
Pro
Quite welcome! 😊
Thank you EY1. I learned a lot here. Very helpful sir/mam!!
Dad here. If you're interested, a lot of that philosophy is from Janet Lansbury. She's a proponent of RIE approach which focuses a lot on child independence and child led growth. Where parents facilitate the growth by providing a growth fostering environment, setting boundaries, and modeling (behavior, empathy, etc. ) without always rushing in to "save them" and taking away for them to intrinsically grow and learn on their own.
She has a podcast which she answers listener questions. Simple and easy 15- 20 min podcasts. She also has 2 books. They are generally focused on younger children 0 to 6 but still applies to older kids.
I'm trying to learn as much as I can by absorbing all the parenting resources out there and she has been a great resource.