Why do we always tell people “Be the best version of yourself before starting a relationship?”
I feel this is wrong…first, if you’re someone who constantly wants to be better, this doesn’t work. Also, what happens when you’re going through things and you’re not the best version? What happens is…the going gets tough and then one person leaves the other.

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It’s based in the notion that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

It doesn’t mean you can’t be a work in progress, but self-awareness and a baseline level of emotional stability & independence is important when entering a new relationship. It reduces the likelihood of becoming co-dependent by relying on someone else to lift you up. Otherwise, what happens when that someone goes away?

TL;DR: Start a relationship in place where you to embrace your independence and then never, ever give up your independence entirely.

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I always thought that saying was never true…until my ex and I broke up lol. His inability to open up impacted all of his past relationships and he made no progress in his singleness to figure out the root of his inability to give and receive love. This ultimately impacted our relationship as well, because despite my attempts to give him an avenue to be vulnerable with me, this led to him never truly being in the relationship since he wasn’t leaning in all the way. He didn’t take accountability for his part in keeping me out until it was already too late for me and my sanity.

You need social awareness in order for it to work, so that you can truly be your best self even when struggling with subconscious trauma while a in a relationship.

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Additional Posts in Heartbreak Help

He left 3 weeks ago. He’s still my first thought every morning, and I think about him for hours everyday. Normal? When does it go away?

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TLDR: Getting over your ex of 2.5 years ghosting you after they said they wanted to reconnect.

I was dating someone for about 2.5 years and then we broke up because of COVID and the long distance was making it too difficult to continue. The break up must’ve been like a 4-5 minute FaceTime because I was very distraught. After we broke up, she started seeing someone else but I was heartbroken and it’s taken me over a year to really get over everything and process those feelings. (Cont.)

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I’m so happy this bowl exists 🥹🫶🏼

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I ended my relationship of 6 years about 3 months ago bc he said he might regret not having kids later down the line. we were always on the fence but I’m leaning towards no. It hurts so much having to walk away from an otherwise perfect relationship. Wish this was easier…

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My partner of 5 years ended our relationship last night. I’m shattered and feel absolutely sick, and I know the healing isn’t going to be easy. We were on the verge of an engagement and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him.

I don’t know how to approach work during this time. I think I can get by, but I’m definitely not 100%. Should I talk to my boss about it? My team is close-knit and comfortable around each other, but I don’t know if it’s “appropriate.” What would you do?

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He sent me a happy birthday GIF last night. Couldn’t even be bothered to type a message. It made me happy and angry at the same time. I’m not responding.

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I ran into my ex a couple days ago and it’s just all screwed with my head. We are kinda talking and he invited me to his company holiday party to be his +1.

And then he’s been ignoring me.

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