Why do we always tell people “Be the best version of yourself before starting a relationship?”
I feel this is wrong…first, if you’re someone who constantly wants to be better, this doesn’t work. Also, what happens when you’re going through things and you’re not the best version? What happens is…the going gets tough and then one person leaves the other.

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It’s based in the notion that you can’t pour from an empty cup.

It doesn’t mean you can’t be a work in progress, but self-awareness and a baseline level of emotional stability & independence is important when entering a new relationship. It reduces the likelihood of becoming co-dependent by relying on someone else to lift you up. Otherwise, what happens when that someone goes away?

TL;DR: Start a relationship in place where you to embrace your independence and then never, ever give up your independence entirely.

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I always thought that saying was never true…until my ex and I broke up lol. His inability to open up impacted all of his past relationships and he made no progress in his singleness to figure out the root of his inability to give and receive love. This ultimately impacted our relationship as well, because despite my attempts to give him an avenue to be vulnerable with me, this led to him never truly being in the relationship since he wasn’t leaning in all the way. He didn’t take accountability for his part in keeping me out until it was already too late for me and my sanity.

You need social awareness in order for it to work, so that you can truly be your best self even when struggling with subconscious trauma while a in a relationship.

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My partner of 5 years ended our relationship last night. I’m shattered and feel absolutely sick, and I know the healing isn’t going to be easy. We were on the verge of an engagement and I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him.

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