My ex was sexually manipulative and I got depressed as a result. We broke up almost 3 months ago. I am still suffering and I freeze up and cry when I think about what he would do. I’ve been talking to my therapist about it but it’s been a rough couple of days. Does anyone have any tips or suggestions to help me through these rough moments

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What does sexually manipulative mean?

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I explained below. Sorry for the confusion

What do you mean by sexually manipulative? I'm not quite clear what that means.

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I commented with an explanation below. Sorry for the confusion

He SUCKS first of all for doing that.

I came out of a generally emotionally and mentally manipulative / abusive relationship. While I am in no way able to say its the same i can share that the recovery was long, miserable, and i still see residual impacts in my behavior today (its been 5 years) that i have to work on. The first year was the worst - at one point i stopped sleeping for days on end.

But take time to yourself - do things you have always wanted to do (for me it was different work outs, therapy, making new friends, etc. things he judged me or made me feel bad for). And start by setting boundaries, as small as they may be just start. Say “no” and make sure people respect it. Again, start small. Eventually itll be easier and youll feel more empowered and confident in yourself. Remember your self worth and as silly as it may seem, remind yourself regularly. Write it down, way it outloud, or just mentally say it to yourself when you doubt yourself. Make it a part of your mantra!

So glad you have a therapist to work with you on this. Just know itll get better, you got this!

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Wow you’re so strong. I admire that! Thanks so much for the suggestions. I find myself getting better and better everyday. I just recently went out with coworkers and it was the best I had felt in a while. I feel like I’m overall happy, but the pain I feel when I think about it trumps the happiness sometimes. I’ve been focusing on myself and surrounding myself with people I love to better get through the rough patches.

I really appreciate the kind words💕

I’ve been here and I’m sorry you went through this. I’m happy to hear that you’re talking to a therapist. It takes time to heal and I often still feel this guilt. I’ve been slowly reading The Sexual Healing Journey and that could be another resource for you

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I'm so sorry and happy you are not still in that relationship, that was your first step to healing. My long term (ex) partner would use sex in a favor system, it really tweaked my emotions in the long run. I've only seen that after they left and created other trauma in my life. From my experience, it does get better, but my traumatic emotional response is still there when I think about key events. I've gotten better and the emotions have taken a different and much more manageable tone over time and working with them. I don't think they'll every been gone though - those traumatic events are wired into your memories strongly - but you'll hopefully find the memories aren't as painful over time and come with other emotional responses as your work through then. For me I wouldn't give up those emotions - they taught me useful things about myself and life I probably wouldn't have learned without stepping into that shadow.

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It’s also known as sexual coercion. He knew my weaknesses and would use it against me when he wanted me to do any type of sexual activity. He made me feel incredibly guilty when I would say no and thus would result in me doing it anyway

Yeah I’ve been there, happy to chat with no judgment

Thank you for the offer - will keep that in mind :)

I wish I had advice for you - but I am happy to hear you vent nonetheless. DM me if you want to talk.

Thank you for offering! I will keep that in mind 😊

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