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Let it be. Seriously. Inevitable will happen and you’ll be free of someone who doesn’t respect you.
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I'm sorry OP. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change.
Maybe something is bothering him deep down but he is not revealing to anyone. Try to find out what it is.
Just start taking care of yourself and make sure he is watching you do all this self-care. Maybe this'll encourage him to improve his lifestyle as well.
This trick has worked for me in the past. So maybe you can give it a shot as well.
It's called indirect (chronic) Self-destructivness. Direct would self harm like cutting one's self. Indirect would be not caring for their physical health by eating poorly and no exercise, by smoking, etc. It sounds to me that he is suffering a severe depression. Either you'll end up needing to 5150 him (involuntary 72 commitment), or he needs to agree to the mental health hospital. You might want to call the state hospital and fund out what they suggest.
I am so sorry to hear that OP. That sounds like a very stressful and challenging thing to be dealing with. What I have learned is that someone cannot be made to get help, they have to want to get help. If he is unwilling to get help there really is not much you can do. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.
I struggled with this for a few years myself. It didn't matter what I did, he had to decide for himself that he was ready to change. Everything I said fell on deaf ears until he was ready. In the meantime, take care of yourself.
THIS. Do you. Go to yoga, pilates. Go to vacations solo, make friends, maintain your own schedule and calendar.
Try to spend more time with him, but do not let him bring you down with him. Definitely don’t let him near you after he’s smoked.
Thank you everyone for your advices! I find every comment insightful and now I understand everyone has their own healing journey when they’re ready to truly change. I will continue my own healing and perhaps my husband would join me along the way some day. He did apologize about his comment and I made sure to ask him not to disrupt my own healing journey with disrespectful comments. He understood. I’m happy I made that boundary. Thank you again everyone! 💖
Good for you! Continue taking back your own self