Opinions Wanted

My Dad passed away recently and my Mom finally heard back on the value of his Deloitte pension. Around 350k.

Combined with life insurance and retirement this puts my Mom in a much more comfortable position than she was expecting and mentioned she wants to use some of the money to pay down my siblings and my remaining student loan debt as she holds a lot of guilt that we had to take loans at all. Between 25-50k for each of us.

Would you take the money?

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That’s generous of her. I would urge her to not make any big financial decisions for a year. The haze of grief leads people to make decisions they might regret— especially if she needs this money to survive.

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The point is tell her you want her to wait for at least six months before she does anything. It will help her think more clearly and if she still wants to then go ahead and accept it. If she doesn’t wait she may regret it in 5 months and you will be in a tough spot.

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I would really pay close attention to how this would make her feel. Would she truly have a sense of relief knowing this helped your debt? If it would really make her feel positively, I would do it. If you sense she feels she has to than I wouldn’t. But I would not diminish how this may make her feel useful or like she is giving- she’s lost her main outlet for giving love and care. This may sooth that pain.

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@OP then I would lean towards taking it. There’s a lot of emotional weight in this. Self comparison, family expectations, loss of her primary role as a career/giver. I would recommend doing anything and everything that will make her feel better and useful, this included.

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Yep completely but im coming from the perspective of my mother profiting off my dad’s death when he made it very clear everything was supposed to be left to me. Too many details to list but yea Im taking the money.

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Remember to think of your siblings perspective too. You may not need it but if they are struggling they may. If so, I’d take it and save the $900 a month in case your mom ever exhausts her savings/pension and you need to help her out. Or you might need it for a rainy day.

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I’d accept the gift, because I think it’s your moms decision. But if you don’t need the money (sounds like you don’t) invest it and let it grow. Down the road if you or your mom need financial help, you’ll have a nice account to pull from. And if neither of you ever need it, pass it down to your kids as a gift from their grandpa.

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I would not take it, invest the money. If the rate of growth is larger than your interest rate then profit!

As long as she isn't negatively impacted, yes, I'd take it and invest the money. Loan forgiveness may be on the horizon, and debt is cheap now.

For estate planning purposes, it's better to gift funds now vs. later. And it helps more now at any rate. For example, nursing homes often completely deplete a resident's assets before going on medicaid (Medicare? Can't remember which is which).

Of course... why wouldn’t you?

How about your siblings-what situation are they in career/financially? Did you father leave anything behind to you? If so, tell her he made his wishes clear. As you mom gets older she’ll need money aside for retirement and unexpected health costs.

No. Your mother is older and doesn’t have a chance to accumulate like you do. Promise her that you’ll pay it off in 3-4 years, then keep your promise. She should keep all the money. Whatever is left, you’ll split it some say.

I’m so sorry about your loss! There are multiple considerations that really matter in this, 1) how old is your mom and is she employed? 2) does she have other retirement savings or 401k? 3) is the house she lives in fully paid for? 4) do you or her have an emergency health fund, that can potentially cover medical expenses or nursing home care later on?

350k may seem like a lot but it’s not if you don’t have other savings or retirement plans. She may also have to pay taxes on it. I think it’s generous of her but I would have to understand her entire financial situation before accepting. I may feel more comfortable if she covers 25-50% of the debt. She shouldn’t feel guilty you had to take out loans, school cost is ridiculous and parents have to make tough choices.

Sorry to hear about your dad, OP :(

I agree with some of the comments here. I think your mom should wait a bit and ensure she has a complete understanding of her own requirements. After 6-9 months you all will be more confident about the decision that’s made.

Sorry about your loss. Echo what others have said and suggest you help your mom by hiring a reputable wealth manager that can help her plan the years ahead especially since costs tend to be way higher as you grow older and life expectancy in developed nations is high

My father passed before my grandfather did and grandpa’s will bypassed mom married 45 yrs) and went to my sister and me. Mom wouldn’t hear of taking the inheritance, so I put it aside and used it to pay for family trips once a year instead.

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