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I'm not your target audience, but adding my two cents.
I deeply admire and respect people who are able to make that choice for themselves. Kids are hard. I love my children and the love they have brought to my life is indescribable, truly. But I firmly believe if you don't want kids or are on the fence or feel an obligation (to your partner, society, family, whatever) then having kids will worsen your quality of life.
I can't say I relate, but can definitely understand. Kids are expensive, time consuming, exhausting - even the best of them at some point is a lot.
So to those of you on the fence or unsure, and moreso those of you who know, kudos to you for listening to your hearts. Society is not always kind to women who don't have kids, but making the decision you feel is best for you and your partner is extremely admirable.
I am 44. Married in my twenties to a man who didn’t feel procreating was necessary for a full life. I didn’t want to have kids with someone who didn’t really want them, so we didn’t have kids. Nevertheless, in my late 30s i had a couple miscarriages. When we hit 40 he started actually wanting kids but our marriage was already crumbling (not because of whether or not we had children; it was because of his temper and my work) Now I’m divorced and don’t believe my body will ever carry a baby to term. I have a good life but feel a pang once in a blue moon when i see a young family and know that i can never ever have that.
So honest and raw, thanks for sharing your experience ☹️
I won’t be the person who says “you’ll change your mind” but I will say that 37 isn’t the end of the road as much as a point where lots of things can change for a woman- career trajectory, confidence, dating. I’m in my mid/late 40s. Just had my first baby and while I wasn’t for sure I could, I was always open to the idea. I did freeze my eggs just as a form of insurance but ultimately didn’t use them. I don’t regret doing it, I don’t regret not rushing things, because I’m right where I’m supposed to be now and honestly I’m a better mom for it at 47 vs 37.
Im curious for the answers, I’m 34 no children yet, still thinking about it, but I like my marriage and my life how it is too!
No regrets. Met my husband in my late 30s. He has an autistic son. We decided to forgo. Wise decision given genetic and advanced maternal + paternal age risk of having another child who may never be self supporting. Difficult road.
I am 37 and have never wanted kids, I just never felt that desire for it or aspired to be a mother.
I have a “check-in” with myself over the years just to make sure I’m still feeling the same and I have just never wavered from it, in a weird way as I’ve gotten older and feel stronger about my decision.
Mentor
I am happy with my how my life evolved and try to never regret anything. I do, however, grow tired of people surfacing the topic and thinking it is ok to poke, probe, and assume that I secretly regret my decision just because their parenting experience was the biggest life milestone for them. My family also points this out as though I am flawed or dysfunctional. Not sure why there is such a stigma with women who do not procreate or follow token convention. Your uterus, your choice.
I’m an only child and admired my cousins who had 7 kids. So I always wanted to have kids. I had 3 by the time I was 25. For me it was a great decision. I loved almost every minute of it. My kids are now adults. I have one grandchild I adore and the other 2 don’t want kids. Every person has to make a choice that’s right for them. I never pressured them to have kids and I never will. I love my children and want them to be happy with or without kids
No regrets.
I decided in my early 20s not to have kids. I’m the oldest of 5 with 14yr spread in ages. In my late 30s I thought about it but ended up not going forward. I’m over 50 now and no regrets at all.
I am 49 and have never regretted it for an instant. I have friends with kids I like, nieces and nephews I dote on, but my life is my own. I have disposable cash, freedom to do as much or as little as I want with my own time, and the flexibility to take control of how hard I lean in on my career rather than the pressure of paying for college etc.
54 years old, no children, no regrets.
At a young age (21), I already knew I didn’t want children. Nothing about babies or raising kids appealed to me. Attempted to get a tubal ligation but the physician wouldn’t do it because “you’re young and will change your mind”.
Married at 26 to a man who also did not want children (he was the second oldest of 11). He felt he had done his share of childcare helping with all his younger siblings.
We divorced when I was 42. Met the love of my life at 45. He also came from a former child-free relationship.
Fortunately I had parents who never ever pressured for grandchildren - they felt whether to have children was my decision and they withheld whatever opinions they may have had, for which I’m grateful as I understand many couples feel family pressure. Besides, my mom HATED being called “grandma”by my brothers daughter (said it made her feel old).
I was very very much ‘no’. I never felt a single pang of being maternal, don’t particularly love being around kids (including my nieces and nephew!) and love my alone time. I was also very vocal about the crappy way in which society treats women who children who choose not to have children. It’s not ok that we’re reduced by whether we’ve procreated or not. I hated the way that Kamala Harris and Teresa May had to do orchestrated interviews about how they loved being an aunt/stepmom!
Then after much therapy and fretting, at age 37, we decided to let nature decide. Well uh nature hit a hole in one.
We now have a little boy aged 2 1/2. So I
just wanted to say it’s also okay to change your mind. For me I don’t work at one single thing, it’s a legal high and he’s my favourite hobby. I’m infatuated. But! It’s also okay to stick instead of twisting. Either way, you’ll be damned if you do and damned if you don’t. For anyone else on the fence, you don’t think about what you want, you have to think about the life you’re giving up. Which will you regret the most? It’s ok to know yourself and love your life
I’m 49 and married with no kids. By choice. There was a time I thought I would have kids but at 35 when I had to get real about taking action and either do it or freeze eggs, I just knew deeply it wasn’t for me. Absolutely no regrets.