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If they made comments about your appearance and family, that's uncalled for and probably covered in one of the many HR trainings. Depending on the severity of the comments, you might want to speak with HR.
I second this - given that this person is a partner, this is one of the very few cases where HR works for OP. Maybe work with them on how to address this?
The nature of these couple of comments were downright uncalled for (comments about my appearance, family, etc.). Because of the nature of the comments and the fact that specific information was given, I know exactly who wrote the disparaging feedback.
The thing I am struggling with is this- Is it known that upward feedback is given exactly as written to its recipient? I find it hard to believe that the couple of people who wrote the nasty commentary wanted me to know that it was them. I did not know that they were so unhappy with me, in fact, I thought we were on good terms (I bought an engagement gift for one and a baby gift for the other, and I’ve always been strong advocates for both). Not sure if they wanted me to know it was them and it was some kind of flex? I know I should get over it but I really try my best and those words just killed me. 😣
Pro
What did they say about appearance? Sometimes it hits hard but the message could be beneficial. Too casual dressing, sloppy, etc could reflect bad on the team and makes you look less professional. Something like that or looks-wise? Agree not addressing it us best. Else it could compromise the candor and participation.
These comments are hilarious btw, didn’t know the confession bowl was so 🔥
Interesting (*sarcasm*) conclusion to this situation… this feedback was intercepted by my bosses (my local office practice and office leaders). Due to a few extenuating circumstances, they didn’t know me very well at the time (I transferred firms laterally). They presented me with the feedback and then slowly took whatever leadership responsibilities away from me because of these awful comments. I think they knew who they were from and wanted to make sure they didn’t rock the boat and risk those two leaving…
Moral of the story… non-partners, you have more power than you think! It’s been a couple years later and I’m still recovering professionally from what was written about me. It wasn’t professional but it didn’t matter-if you have a clutch person on your office you’ll do just about anything for them to stay. Part of me commends their strategy… it’s certainly worked.
Sounds like a Sh!t firm to work for.
Hey OP. I think that addressing these people could backfire in a very nasty way. Don’t do it.
Kill them with kindness.
Rising Star
^While this is touching and could work in certain situations...The dumpster turds who disrespected OP and his family aren't worth OP internally suffering hurt feelings and working hard to be kind just to see them "lose." Gtfo here. They came at OP straight with no fear or shame. OP needs to use his position and HR resources to check their azzes. Time is money. Energy is precious. I don't want OP wasting time n emotion being stressed dealing with these clowns going forward. It's time to take out the trash and do it quick. Case closed.
4 mins...you are taking too long
I want to make the joke somebody stop me
Please provide examples
Chief
So something similar happened to me few years ago when my firm did these. Overall positive with a few constructive improvement suggestions but one feedback I received, the written portion was page and a half of personal attacks. I didn't know immediately who wrote it and it made me feel really paranoid. But speaking with other managers on my team, they received similar feedback too. After a few weeks we figured out who it was bc of some language used. It was a staff that was on my team working with not even 2 weeks at the time of feedback. Bottom line, some ppl are assholes and will try to bring you down bc they can. I never spoke to that staff about the feedback or let it know that I knew it was him, but I didn't go out of my way to coach him or help him. None of us wanted him on our sections either. He got fired after his first year for poor performance. He deserved it and I dont feel bad at all
Hmm of those bullied partners/principals… would be interesting to know if you are part of a protected class (women, minorities). Odds are probably not (those get weeded out way before partner!) but just wondering about the dynamics.
OP thanks for being more specific, equal protection (14th amendment) I think is only enforceable against government, not employers. But I think title vii civil rights act gets part of its authority from 14th amendment (which dates back further.) yeesh I am rusty. Haha
I appreciate the responses and support. The irony of it all is that I asked for feedback (expecting something constructive of course). Had I not I probably would not have gotten enough responses to generate a report.
The interesting thing is don’t people know that when you participate in “confidential” upward feedback the recipient is going to get a system generated report with the comments exactly how you wrote them? Is this not obvious? I considered the two that wrote the inflammatory comments to be intelligent professionals, however they both referenced situations in both the inflammatory comments that gave themselves away. Not all comments were like this-so obviously some people got it.
They probably assumed it goes to hr or ur boss’s and then they just give you a summary.
I think all professionals get played through out there careers. Consider yourself lucky to know. Stop watching out for those people and let them struggle to survive.
That seems super unprofessional of them and maybe warrants review by HR?
Curious as well!
Not me. I’m yet to respond to those anonymous upward feedback requests. Lol
well?
Commenting to find out!
Wow so they really took the last summer break to write you nasty feedback. When they go low, all you should do is to go high. It’s hard when you have to see these people on a daily basis thou.
Enthusiast
This story is crazy and something I worry a lot about. As wild as it sounds, I believe I was bullied and harassed by someone who reported to me. They also threatened me and tried to make a case against me. Luckily, I had been at my firm a long time, had a fantastic reputation, they had no real case, and it went nowhere. But it still makes me feel a bit panicked thinking about it and realizing this sort of thing could happen anytime and really impact you!
Agree with C1 - if not bullying back, you need to call them out when you get a chance. I have called out this nasty SM of mine who do not respect juniors in team and guess what they started behaving well after they came to know their ways of working wouldn’t hold good with the team. I don’t think it’s unprofessional to react when someone is trying to come in your way repeatedly and challenge your value system.
I’ve gotten this sort of feedback before also, but usually in an exit interview. Come from the most surprising of people - good worker didn’t speak up much, held it all in till the end. It’s tough. Gotta learn from what we can and take the rest with a grain of salt. I find younger employees see me as “management” and in some way that makes me not human, and responsible for everyone’s feelings and behaviors. I was surprised how much employees value “fairness”. My employees seemed happier when they get paid the same for same jobs than pay for performance. They all talk about salaries now, it didn’t used to be that way at all.
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I realized I was paid $25k less than my peers by talking with them, despite being a high performer. When I raised it, they paid me fairly, but also I wouldn't have known without talking to my peers, because the message was 'we're a small company, we can't afford to pay you what you deserve.' Needless to say I left, even with the raise. You can't get that trust back. I get some people will get paid more than me because they give insane hours or are smarter than me. I get that. But it shouldn't be a barely livable salary vs. a livable salary.