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If she hasn't started yet, can you have a seemingly innocuous conversation with her? Maybe a day where you two are in the car just you (maybe have it planned with dad to work out that way) and then tell her "oh, I need to stop at Target for some pads and tampons. Do you know what those are?" Let things flow from there. Make sure it's Target so you guys can grab a caffeine free frap and sit and decompress after you explain that the next 40 years are going to be a lot.
Is there an aunt or a friend close to both of you that still has her periods and can be used as an excuse to go buy tampons/pads and discuss it?
I just had a direct conversation with my daughter when she was 8, which was good timing because she’s now 9 and a few of her fiends have gotten their periods. We continue to talk and she asks questions. I’m hoping I’ve helped normalize periods so she’ll feel okay when it happens to her.
Watch “Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret” together. It’s sweet and charming and pretty much made for this real life dilemma you’re facing. Plus Rachel McAdams is great in it.
I remember trying to borrow the book at school when I was about 10 and the librarian wouldn’t let me because she thought it as inappropriate. Seeing it brought to life all these years later and I’m still angry at her reaction.
My daughter got it at 11, smack in the middle of Covid, and I feel like we had ongoing discussions and not one big event of a discussion, if that makes sense.
Maybe start with asking her what she knows and go from there? I would not be opposed to getting books to help out. I think if you make it comfortable for her and let her ask questions, you should be all good.
I'm not a mom, but I had to have this convo with my niece because her mom passed away. Also, FYI I started my period at 10.5 and had friends who started as early as 9 (not normal...I have PCOS...but also not as unusual as one might think).
First, I guarantee it's a topic of conversation at school even if she says it's not so it's important that you establish yourself as the source of true, reliable info without judgement or else God knows what kind of weird ideas she's going to get. Next, there are videos you can use. I can't remember which one I found, but I had her watch a video on the phone while we were driving (so she didn't have the pressure of me looking at her). Then I asked her to tell me what she understood so that I could clarify/add info as needed.
Don't feel pressured to overwhelm her with ALL the info. Give her what she needs to know and let her ask for the rest as she's ready. This is a series of convos, not one. I explained it as she is growing up and part of that is this gift of having babies (she is a big sister) so her body is going to go through some changes, etc. Then we visited Target and talked about the various products and bought her supplies for "just in case". I told her ask me anything anytime, and I also explained that her dad knows everything about it and she could ask him, too. I stressed that while it's a private matter, it's not anything to be embarrassed about.
I also had to take her shopping for her first bra so that provided an additional opportunity to review and convey some excitement about her growing up. I warned her that it might be uncomfortable, hurt, impact her emotions, but I didn't go into a ton of detail. IMO she has the rest of life to learn about all that. No need to scare her at the beginning.
Ehh that’s normal. I was 11
Same. Also OP I wouldn’t depend on the school to educate on it. That’s definitely not what I would put faith in, regardless of age.
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She probably knows a lot more than you think! We tried to not make it a thing and encourage open conversation about it to make sure that our kid was getting the most accurate info on what it meant and how to navigate this change. Being honest, logical, and giving her space to process helped. Good luck!
Your best bet is to be upfront with her and explain it in a “scientific” way she understands make sure you use correct wording and emphasize that it’s not a shame to get a period. When she gets it make her a “period” basket with pads, self care products, midol (or any other pain med) chocolate, snacks, panties and a heating pad etc. make it fun and “normal” since there is still a lot of stigma around it unfortunately. I did this with my daughter and my mom did it for me. When I got my first period, I just called my aunt over and told her “can I get a pad, I got my period” without being scared or anything. My mom was upset because she was at work and missed that milestone 🙄 after that you can make an appointment with a gyno to get her informed and used to it so it won’t be a hassle later on in life and explain to her the reasons a woman goes to the gyno etc. lots of luck 🍀
My daughter and I did an online class through Children’s Hospital when she was 9 or 10. I’ve always talked about periods with her. When she would see me with tampons and ask what it was I would tell her. After we did the class I bought her a little bag to keep in her backpack. It had pads, period underwear, heat patches for cramps. She started at 12. It was no big deal. I think she was a little excited.
https://www.seattlechildrens.org/health-safety/classes-events/the-chat/
I got 2 books and used that to help the discussion. I had also bought different pads and showed to her, including putting them in underwear. My daughter is 20 and was completely clueless! I don’t think her school does the talk until next year. We’re going to watch Are You There God, it’s me Margaret also