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Are they fun to be around when you do hang out? Then keep them as an acquaintance rather than friend. If they suck your energy or money, then don't hang out with them anymore
She invited you to her kid's bday- do you have kids where you would invite her to your kid's bday?
Not really - I feel like I’m always mentoring. Yeah I did in the past but don’t feel a need to anymore.
Wait so they do try to hang out with you “when they have events” going on. Between events/birthdays, are they hanging out with other friends or just getting by with work/family/etc obligations? I ask because I have a toddler and I work full time. I am not hanging out with anyone unless there’s a birthday or event going on, basically. I have literally 0 free time - if it’s not work or other obligation, it’s trying to just catch up on chores/errands/etc. I plan to see friends but those plans are made like months in advance and I somewhat rotate so I’ve seen each friend like.. twice a year, but it looks like I’m busier than I am in that regard. I’d be really bummed if a friend dropped me over this.
However, if they’re doing other things, going out with the same group of friends nearby consistently, and just ignoring you.. then yeah maybe they’re a fair weather friend 🤷♀️
Okay? That doesn’t change anything for me - my question is and remains.. are they only treating you this way and still engaging with other friends more positively? Or is this more or less their behavior across the board? You’re still welcome to drop them in both scenarios if you’re not getting what you want out of the friendship, but it does change how I would approach it. But, by that being your only comment towards everything I’ve said, I’m getting a negative, judgmental vibe from you. Maybe that’s why she doesn’t want to be friends.
It doesn’t sound there is much of a friendship currently, and what there is of one is almost entirely one-sided (apologies if I’m misinterpreting). But if this dynamic isn’t serving you, there is nothing wrong with stepping back. No need to let them know or make any declarations. Or you can talk to them about how you’re feeling but they may not understand or be receptive, and you need to be prepared for that.
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My best friend turned out to be like this. She couldn’t cope with any adversity and I distanced myself.
Rising Star
This sounds like more of an acquaintance than a friend, and thus not someone I personally would give "friend" level energy to.
Meeeh, no
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I have relationships like this - we don’t hang out one on one, but invite each other to events. It sounds like it makes you unhappy, so feel free to drop.
But for another perspective, it doesn’t bother me. People have busy lives and different social batteries. I have close friends I casually hang out with frequently, but it’s also nice to have less close friends who I see at parties. Life fluxes - some people used to be closer but got busier, some of my close friends used to be occasion /party friends but now we live closer, so hang out more.
I’m also not a huge fan of texting, so don’t really like to keep up that way. I try to respond, but I have close friends who basically respond to like every fourth text, it’s just how they are. Especially if she has a toddler, that may just not be something she has space for. In a few years her child will be older, and she may have more capacity for the kind of friendship you prefer