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We need a Late Night Confessions bowl
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Chief
Are you asking for advice on increasing frequency of sex?
If so, communication is key.
Tell your spouse that while you're happy you prefer more often. work on coming up with specific ideas on increasing the frequency, if that might include hiring a maid to keep the amount of chores down, setting aside time in the morning on weekends when you're both not tired, pick a date night each week when you both agree to log off the laptops at it earlier hour to have romantic dinner and after party.
Thank you. Emotional disconnect might be the cause. We are in consulting fields where we can't talk about work or details of it. We do share office gist with each other. We cuddle but not enough I would say.
Now that I typed it out, I feel with just need to create space to be together to connect and be intentional about it.
27M here. Going to bed at the same time would probably change things. He sounds a lot like me, enjoys his workshop and video games with friends a lot. I basically cut myself off from video games at 10-10:30. so my evening goes - off work between 5-6, work on house projects 6-7, 7-9 spend time with family, 9 baby goes to bed and I jump on my computer, get off at 10ish and do chores, bed by 11-12 depending if wifey and I watch tv. With that said.. I don't get to play games with my friends often anymore. Sad, but I'm okay with it.
It seems to be the thing that needs to change. The time we get together is cooking and eating dinner together. I will talk to him about having a cut off time for the games and making sure we actually spend time together.
I am on the same boat. Wifey let’s me get in once between her monthlies 🤷♂️ I satisfy myself everyday but she thinks the frequency is high if I try with her. 9 years married with 2 kids.
It is sad and I can relate, I honestly think that if I knew this I wouldn’t be with my wife now, sex life is a critical aspect of any marriage
Is he straight?
@a1 do you/have you cheated on your wife?
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Don’t overthink it. Not everything needs to be planned.
When ur in the mood go for it. Let’s say ur in the middle of cooking and u suddenly want it literally stop turn the oven off and approach him.
There’s many times where I’ve initiated it with my SO and he gets so turned on by that
Chief
Ok i think this could be the problem. You should try being willing to be spontaneous. Just take the clothes off and go
My best friend and her husband decided to abstain prior to marriage. They never developed a healthy sex life and it has lead to him having inappropriate conversations with other women if not more.
I have been with my husband 14 years, 2 kids, stressful jobs and loads of real life stress. We have sex 2-4 times a week. I would absolutely look into what is really up because you could be overlooking something.
Thankfully we are not having issues with inappropriate behaviors.
Chief
Are you the 27F or 30M? Are you religious? I ask because some religious people think having sex often is wrong which could be the case with your spouse. Have you asked them about it? Do you plan on having kids or use contraceptives during sex? Maybe they are worried about getting pregnant?
Chief
I do think my libido has decreased since getting an IUD but the benefits greatly outweighs it for me - no accidental pregnancies, no condoms, no periods, no cramps, no maintenance.
Chief
Honestly this is not normal and there must be more to it. Does your SO come from religious background? Were they taught and internalized that sex is dirty? Could they possibly be gay? Ashamed of their body? Insecure? How is your intimacy? Do you cuddle in bed and make out but just not full sex? What about oral sex? Also just once a month?
Try to have an honest discussion about this with your SO and identify why once a month is enough for them. Also do they look fws to it? Or just get it done bc its their duty as a husband/wife? Maybe they are asexual?
Drag him to the gym with you instead of playing video games…if he is straight, a little testosterone from the workout might be all he needs and gets him in better shape at the same time
I highly recommend some team reading- highly recommend She Comes First as a good primer on women’s pleasure, doing read aloud with real-time experimentation has been a winner for me especially when it comes to shy or uncomfortable partners.
And to back it up a step forever, I recommend an activity or guide to help you open up the conversation about your sex life- what is working, what you both want, and what you wish could be different. Found this one online, looks like a good start. :) https://maritalintimacyinst.com/lauras-resources/
Good luck! Keys to a good sex life: Communication, lubrication, communication and communication.
Thank you!
Enthusiast
Watch porn together and pay attention to how each of you react to what you’re seeing. It could be neither of you are even aware of what turns you on.
Communicate your needs to your wife. If everything else is good I don't see why she will say no.
Also understand women body is different from us and she may not be down whenever you want it.
Is there foreplay involved? Maybe it would help if it’s not something mechanical, even if you do it once a month.
Are you Indian/South Asian? It’s a cultural thing we haven’t got past yet unfortunately. I am the husband in a similar situation.
South Asian ppl have a lot of sex… hence the big families
There’s a book “come as you are” that helped me with my perspective of sex as a woman and made me love my body and sex / the freedom of sex more
Great. I will check it out. I love my body - very fit and I think I'm beautiful and a wonderful catch. I have great self esteem. My husband is working on his fitness, working on loving his body but loves sex. Etc.
I’m in a similar boat. Been dating my girlfriend for over a year and we used to do it everyday in the beginning. Now, the frequency has just reduced so much. We’re so used to each other and get so lazy at times.
Husband: "Baby, I do feel like you're self sufficient, just because you've not indicated that you have any physical or emotional need, for me. I feel useless, sometimes."
What do you guys think of this? How can we change this? I want to be taken care of even though I can do everything I want a part from sex. I don't want to be self sufficient for sex.
Sounds like a pretty lame excuse. Part of being married is relying on your spouse to fulfill physical/emotional needs that you couldn’t fulfill on your own.
You agreeing to marry him should’ve been the most obvious validation of that.
Another thing you might try is sending him little hints throughout the day of what you’re in the mood for that night.
Or smash his XBOX with a sledge hammer from his workshop
Enthusiast
What helped for us is to stop treating sex as something you do as the last thing you do before going to bed. Anytime during the day is fine, if your are both working from home and have 30min available between calls, go for it!
This is how I am. I get so tired at the end of the night when we are going to bed and I just want to fall asleep. I feel my best in the morning or even right after work around 5pm. Told my fiancé that and he loved it. Communication!
Communication is the key. :)