My female coworker reported me to HR for “flirting with her.” I am a homosexual man married to a man. I was being friendly/ nice by inviting her if she wanted to join our coed volleyball team. HR told me they would work with my project leader to move me to another project, but this is all blown out of hand. I’m not interested at all sexually. Does it help to have my husband come and clear the air with her?

likefunnyhelpfuluplifting
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New fear unlocked and I’m straight

likefunnysmart

There’s not much you can do. I never befriend women at work outside of professional necessity. However, I don’t restrict my friendships with men to that extent. That may seem less supportive in some respects but that’s what it’s come to in todays working environment.

likehelpful

Bruh take the project transfer. You do not want to be on a team with someone who is going to do that to you.

likesmarthelpfulfunny

OP. That makes total sense. Be careful and stay far away from her.

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Recent IconRecent

I thought we were in this ‘game’ to make money. I feel that to many have lost sight of the goal of a job. Money. Instead they make the workplace somewhere they flex unfounded issues for visibility.

Being nice to one another is no longer acceptable.

But if there is a problem, they are always easy to figure out by asking the right questions. Easy HR find IF the HR person will do the right thing.

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We now live in a world where a person’s victim status gives them clout. It’s pathetic.

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Man, I hate the US for these work cultures! Everyone gets offended if you just talk to them!

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Yeah that’s fair - I think some cultures like US, Canada and UK are more non confrontational and passive, so they’d rather a ‘governing body’ handle vs just handle it themselves (which I agree is at times easier and better)

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It’s about how she experienced the situation not how you feel about the situation

funnylike

Good luck in the real world zoomer!

It's a growing trend right now, especially at the junior staff level. Big payout whether true or not.

likesmart

Sounds like she misgendered you. Time to retaliate with your own report

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C13 is right the only way to fight fire is with intersectionality

likefunny

Unreal. This was something worthy of reporting to HR and on top of that are going to act upon it? You just can't win in this era with Leftists itching to report anyone they don't like for demographic reasons. I have seen where woke companies call it a fireable offense to commit the micro aggression of leaving some people off invites to lunches and happy hours. Yet this gay man invites a female coworker to join something benign and that's an HR offense? Unless he was badgering her about it and asking her to wear her high school uniform, etc. it simply wasn't reportable and it's even less actionable. Great example why women find it hard to navigate the workplace. They think normal interaction is harassment and feel like it's OK to report people for it.

likeupliftingsmart

So sorry to be so blunt: crush them.
At that game there is one and only one rule: crushing the other at any cost.
Therefore crush, mercilessly.
Because it’s not a question of equality, it’s a question of both dominance and domination and nothing more than this.

None of us know what was said so I’ll give you this test: If your husband saw you saying the same things in the same manner to a male, would he be upset?

helpful

No, no he would not. Also, I’ve heard from coworkers I’m now the 3rd she’s reported to HR for “flirting” . HR is likely going to dismiss it like the last person.

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I would sue everybody!! This is false accusation and discrimination.

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Agreed

She directly negatively impacted OP career based on a completely unfounded accusation that doesn't even align with employee training.
She has damaged OPs career and created a hostile working environment.
OP will no longer be able to perform his best at his job.
This is a perfect example of creating a hostile work environment and harming OPs ability to earn a living.

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Unless you were aggressive and repetitive about the volleyball invitation, her behavior doesn't make sense.
Is she at risk of being laid off? I'm not saying she's is doing this to try and block her impending lay off. But such thing has been done before.

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👀🧐

likefunny

Talk to a lawyer before you engage with HR or anytime else. Do not attempt to work it out with the one who reported you, may make things worse

like

Just make sure HR is on your side. She sounds manipulative so avoid her. Make sure HR knows you didn’t do anything and that they don’t hold it against you in the future.

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I heard a comedian make a very good point about offensive jokes. He said he has never told an offensive joke but people took his jokes as offensive.

Meaning a group of people can either see a joke as offensive and some will not

Same with office interactions. It doesn’t matter what you said or did but how the other person takes it

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As a female I can say that the stupidity of some of my female younger colleagues is getting out of hands. The lessons that we learn about this Trade comes mostly from informal conversations that we have with our seniors and bosses early in our career. And I'm not talking about how to make a fucking slide, or how to diagnose or present a solution. I'm talking about how to handle clients, how to make a name, when to back off, when to press on an issue.
I'm sorry this happened to you.

like

Wow these comments are unsettling :(

Refuse the transfer and report her for slander/lies. She clearly has no basis for this claim and you have no reason to worry. Even women who have actual proof of men acting inappropriately are rarely believed, so you’ll be fine.

I know most of you are joking, but to all the men in the comments— if you don’t intend on being inappropriate, then you can still mentor women. Stop being assholes lol

funny

Lol this is exactly proof that we shouldn’t mentor women even if we wouldn’t do anything inappropriate

like

Its not okay to flirt even if you are gay!

likefunny

What a wonderful lunatic asylum, isn’t it?

Sue first. Then use internal routes of diplomacy. Unfortunately, being a “victim” has its perks and can be enormously advantageous, profitable, and nearly impossible to refute. But being the first to report is key in writing that narrative. It’s why so many people will initially run to HR to seek the coveted status of victimhood at the expense of others. And modern radicalized feminism is dehumanizing towards men and openly encourages the violent treatment of men for its agenda. And lots of women buy into it. It doesn’t matter if what was done was morally wrong as long as a female profiteers from it. It’s very much so the case of ends justifying the means. Obviously not all women/feminists are this way.. but many in the community with positions of authority who lord over political correctness are. Don’t be stupid, sue. The modern legal courts have improved and are the last bastions of possible moderate fairness. Hence women are finally starting to getting justice against true sex offenders and men are starting to get more equatable results in divorce proceedings.

If you don’t sue first, you’re last.

likeuplifting

Thanks for this high quality analysis and word of advice.

I would add one more thing: in such situations equality is of words only, suing is a way to reestablish the balance but it doesn’t prevent it to happen again. Add a PR and name and shame measure after judgment seems equally fair and fine too. This madness has to stop or men will become increasingly violent which is exactly what shouldn’t happen.

Oh if you have a gay or lesbian or any other friend subject to discrimination, recommend it on the project, who knows :) what could happen ^^
Yeah, that’s unfair game played with unfair rules and means but in the end you didn’t chose it, then use their rules against them to ensure they obtain the credibility they deserve in the future.
Because they’re likely to repeat that game.

Agree with BT1.

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I miss the old days when you could date your co-workers (yes, I married her!) 😂

like

“Me, too”!!!

likefunny

From someone who WAS harassed and among numerous women who were by one guy and there wasn’t “enough to rearrange projects” this is crazy to me

I also though agree with the person who said take the transfer - who knows what else she’d find to report you over

like

Ya this woman is kind of f***ing it up for people like you

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