Advice needed. One of my direct reports has gone from having a great attitude to being disrespectful & having outbursts over chat. She is bringing a strange dynamic of getting mad at me and essentially demanding I explain myself and solve problems she sees as my fault. For context, I am her manager & trying to promote her currently (& just gave her a significant raise) and she’s entry level. I’m taken aback & am trying to figure out how to address this without playing into her dynamic (contd)

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I would have a conversation with her and say I’ve noticed a change in your behavior as of late and am wondering if there is something going on that I need to be aware of. Let her talk. If she says nothing or denies anything, redirect and say ok great. Let’s refocus on how we positively work toward your promotion and then ask where she is with her goals.

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Thank you!

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I kind of get her, maybe… as a younger person in my field, sometimes my boss makes mistakes or doesn’t know how to use tech tools that I then have to fix or do for them. I find that extremely frustrating bc I probably work more hours than anyone in my firm and am constantly taking courses and doing tutorials to stay up to date on the best tools, tech, data, etc. I started using edibles so I don’t feel as annoyed… maybe buy her a pot brownie 😅 No, but in all seriousness, just be direct about her approach. Those you oversee should be able to criticize you, but it should be respectful. Don’t ask questions, tell her, “I’ve noticed you seem irritated and demanding with me lately. I’d like you to work on how you approach me about perceived mistakes, I’m feeling a bit disrespected. Not only is this important for our relationship and your career, but conflict resolution is important for you to learn for the role x I believe you’re right for. I want to see you get there, so I really want you to take some time to think about this one.”
That’s real mentorship. Sounds like you taught her well and she’s just on fire 🔥—I think that comes with a little bit of a short fuse early on before we’ve got all our bearings in the realm of success.

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(Contd). I want to lead with empathy, as clearly something is upsetting her in a big way, and I also want to be firm and clear that her attitude and approach are unacceptable and will not be tolerated on our team. My preference is to maintain a strong relationship with her. Frankly, I’m losing patience.

Would you continue to promote her if she continues this behavior? Don’t reward her by promoting her! Others will observe and take note of that.

What if she’s really good and it is actually a mistake management is making, but she just hasn’t developed the communication skills to navigate this yet. This scenario is actually a great mentorship opportunity!

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Maybe you should take a step back and look into the mirror. Sometimes we don’t want to hear what’s right in front of us. If you are as good as you say you are, why would she want to jeopardize the professional relationship. Having a one-on-on is a great start to sort out what the issue could be.

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