Advice needed -
When do you know it’s time to break up with your bf?

Bf and I have been together for 8.5 years. And within house 8.5 years we have done a lot together. Traveled, bought a house, sold a house, moved 3 cities together. Blah blah.
I love him. He’s my best friend. But…

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The spark is the hardest thing to keep. I’ve been in this situation and have moved on . I didn’t own anything with my gf so it was easier, but I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life living with a roommate .

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The spark died 4 years ago. And I have dragged the relationship on. Hoping to revitalize the spark. We never do anything anymore together that we enjoy. We tried dates and we just stare at our phones. It’s not uncomfortable but just routine at this point. Everything feels routine. He doesn’t want kids. I might one day. He doesn’t really want anything other than what he has. I don’t want anything more either but I know that I don’t want this much routine. It feels like I’m living with a roommate to be quite honest. What do I do?

You sound like you're ready to leave, but you're holding onto what you know as well as all you've already put into the relationship. You asking the question about breaking up may very well be your sign that it's time to go.

My biggest concern here is the potential differing opinion about wanting kids since that's a clear deal-breaker, but you've already highlighted you've dragged this relationship on for 4 years. If in those 4 years, you both truly have done all that can be done to try to rekindle that spark and nothing has improved, it might be time to sit him down and simply say it might make sense to go separate ways from a romantic standpoint. Not sure if you've spoken about marriage, but 8.5 yrs is a long time for a relationship to not go anywhere and I can't imagine being proposed to by a boyfriend where the spark died a long time ago.

You definitely want more than what's currently being served. You really have to ask yourself if you've both talked about it seriously, if you've both tried everything that can be done, and then move forward based on that. And if you find out you want kids and he doesn't, you'll need to leave him no matter what.

Which way are you leaning Op? Did you have any discussions with him about your feeling ?

I lost sleep at night when I was in your shoes. To me it’s better to be honest …. It gives them a chance to move on sooner than later

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