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Enthusiast
Has anyone used eharmony? Yay or nay?
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Chief
Wtf? You don’t need to say anything. Just end it.
You don’t have to do or say anything. Don’t date him if you don’t like him.
Pro
No need to say anything, just move on.
My opinion is that more women (speaking as one) need to be decisive about not continuing to see men they aren’t into. I’ve observed men are good at this and don’t give it a second thought. As women, we qualify and rationalize everything. I’m in my late 20s and the older I’ve gotten, the quicker I am to end things w a man if I’m not feeling him anymore, and the quicker it has led me to better prospects. Every guy has been an upgrade from the last. Now my thinking is: if a guy is going to have access to me and my time, he should make it worthwhile because history has shown me that I have no shortage of options.
I needed to see this
Just be straightforward and casually say how attractive you thought he looked in X and Y photo, has he ever thought about going back to that style, etc.
Chief
Is this really a dilemma for you lol. Do you not get out much?
What's odd is that after you hung out once and you realized his photos weren't current, and you don't like his appearance, that you keep going out with him.
Options:
End it
End it with feedback and tell him he doesn't look like his pictures
Decide you like him and don't end it
Probably not an option:
Make him go back in time to be hotter like he used to be in his old photos
I kept going out with him because I wanted to give him a chance and also give myself a chance to see if it's something I can overlook. After seeing that it's greasy and unkept it's become an issue for me that I feel is keeping me from wanting to form anything meaningful hence why I've reached out to this group. I am looking for advice on how to communicate this to him without coming off as super rude because I don't feel like I have a place to tell him what he should and shouldn't do with his hair
Pro
I hope this guy can see your red flags and end it first. Feeling betrayed over hair? Lol
Jfc hair can be changed just bring it up casually about how it looks different.
What if he has plans to grow it out so he can donate it? Growing out hair for men is a journey and you seem to not care about his feelings on it.
RSM1 you sound very bitter. This woman doesn't owe anything to this guy. If she is not attracted, she doesn't have to keep seeing him.
You should follow your heart! You should feel no pressure to end it if you are not attracted to him.
I think appearance is directly correlated to how that person feels about themselves. You deserve someone who takes care of themselves.
Its not your job to save people from themselves. "Thanks for the date but I dont think we're a good match, good luck!"
i get this, but like opposite. I was able to grow out a mullet and moustache combo during WFH but ever since returning to the office I have been clean
Chief
I always give feedback. Almost always. It's rare that someone says "thanks you're right, I'll change!"but it's not never, and feedback is especially effective after someone hears the same thing multiple times.
So if you aren't into his nasty greasy hair you should tell him that (a) he should only be using current photos that accurately depict his appearance right now and (b) you COULD add on specifics about the hair but....I'd lean on the side of skipping it. If he quizzes you about the first feedback -- "what do you mean I don't look like my photos!?" Then you could say, "well your hair for example is significantly different right now and hair plays a huge role in someone's overall vibe and attractiveness."
If they don't care, if they do care, either way, just move on, next.
Long*
I think the point of me posting here was that I do like our conversations and dates and he's very sweet and we enjoy each other's company. But I just don't feel like it's my place to tell him what to do with his hair, I just feel mislead and feel like things could go further if he just went back to the old haircut he had posted in his pics! Lol but thank you all for the perspective
Enthusiast
I’m a male. I say just talk to him. Could just be a pandemic phase. Or could legitimately be growing it out.
Thanks for your perspectives guys, I needed to hear it