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OFFICIAL "BULLSHIT JOBS" DISCUSSION THREAD
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Hard to discuss the complexities of marriage in a thread.... however, if you're both committed to at least trying to make it better, I wouldn't seek a divorce yet. Just the desire to try is a starting point. If you haven't tried everything (counseling, researching love languages, etc) start there. And it's going to take a ton of humility. But I read a study that said a majority of couples who identified as unhappy, also self-identified as happy 3 years later. Sometimes just working through trials is what's needed to grow closer.
🙌🏾 thanks for your positivity C1.
I got divorced when my kids were 6 and 3 yo. I live 10 min from them and we worked out a good arrangement where I have custody 3/4 weekends due to my usual travel schedule.
As the others posted, divorce with a kid is complex but it was the best decision for me. My kids have 2 parents that are crazy about them and I am so happy. I could not imagine suffering through a loveless marriage until my kids go to college. I appreciate every minute I am with them and enjoy a single life when I am not with them.
You can dm me if you want to talk more. I understand how the thought of getting a divorce is overwhelming .
I have read a lot of content on the impact of divorce on kids. How do we minimize this for our daughter? Is it worth it to keep trying to fix it for kids sake? I am broken inside for my daughter's sake.
Just my 2 cents.
As hard as it is, I’d say given that you guys have tried everything, it might be best to live your own lives. You daughter is still young and kids are resilient. Important thing to let her know and feel is that both the parents love her and will be there for here always.
What you don’t want is to continue trying only to get frustrated later and then your kid who gets a little older sees you constantly fighting. In my opinion, that might leave a greater impact.
There is no right answer as you have to make the tough decision, but don’t be with someone for years if you know it is not working.
Good luck
Go to counseling with spouse. Repeat until it works, with different counselors if needed.
Both my wife and I came from divorced households and we’ve worked to stay together so we don’t inflict that on our children.
We have been in counselling for a while. In and out of it for years. Finally we have a counsellor who gets us and we have been working with her since last year. Things are definitely better but we know we will be happy outside the marriage. We also know that it is going to break our daughter and we don't want to do that to her.
Indeed: do couple’s therapy, get a coach, read things together, like The Seven Principals for Making Marriage Work & What if the Buddha Married.
If it’s a sure end, that’s okay, too. Maintain stability and routines at both homes, engage your daughter in regular phone calls and video chats with the other parent, don’t get contentious around each other, find a way to be active co-parents for things like holidays and birthdays (for the next few years) and work on your parental friendship. That’s the best think you can do—be kind to each other and good role models.
Good luck, friend. I
Having grown up in a household with 2 parents who should have got divorced years ago, things got much better for everyone when they did eventually separate (when I was 19). Only regret was everyone wished they did it earlier!